Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. (This is the first False Fact you learn in social studies class; “Hunting” was actually the first profession, followed a few hours later by “Hungry Rentboy.”) But in these troubling times, basically every single prostitute is a total blabbermouth who will sell his/her story to the tabloid reptile-people. And [...]
Hooray, a reason to put “Tiger Woods” in a headline! Did you know that he and his dead father and the Nike Corporation are thieves, with their creepy new commercial about how we all need to somberly reflect and then buy his golf apparel again? Former presidential candidate Mike Gravel patented this aesthetic years ago. [...]
TIGER WOODS ALSO BONING ARI FLEISCHER: America’s Productive Economy: “Two sources in the golf community have told The Post that Ari Fleischer, the former presidential advisor to George W. Bush and the man who was brought in to help repair the steroid-shattered image of Mark McGwire, has been huddling with Woods, plotting a strategy for [...]
MADE-UP NEWS STORY IS ALSO FALSE: “A somewhat baffled White House spokesman Tommy Vietor says President Obama did not, in fact, call Tiger Woods to offer support, as was widely reported over the weekend.” No no no, he didn’t call Tiger Woods. He just had sex with him. [Ben Smith]
Brit Hume is very concerned about Tiger Woods’s Values, which revolve around having sex with monsters — out of wedlock! He read on the Wikipedia that Woods is a Buddhist — a.k.a. El Salvadoro-Mexican quesadilla worship — and would like for the private golfer to convert to his beloved Christianity. Even Bill Kristol hears this [...]
POLITICAL INTERNET ALMOST FULLY UNREADABLE: Jesus goddamn, it’s healthy to be frustrated with certain legislative proposals, but more and more enclaves of the liberal Internet are reading like tragic post-op RedState diaries by the hour: “In the past few weeks, the two most famous and arguably most successful black men in America have taken a [...]
Congratulations, America. You’ve raised an entire generation of worthless junkies who will probably never know the simple pleasures of a corporate 9-5 or wholesome church picnics with the wife and kids or any of that good hearty American stuff. No, sir. Instead, these smackheads will just sit around all day and collect their welfare checks [...]
Easy! Tiger Woods is ~45% black, while Barack Obama is 50% black. More of this talk, please!
Congressman Joe Baca loves golf! So much so that earlier this year, he decided to use his Powers to arrange a fancy meeting with Tiger Woods (and possible autograph session??): by awarding him the Congressional Gold Medal, Congress’ top civilian honor. Baca’s legislation was never moved on in Committee, and now Baca has officially killed [...]
Oh no, this much-anticipated cover of January’s Golf Digest could something something Obama’s “political capital” with his wars and stuff! What is he doing here, taking “tips” from the known… [checks latest TMZ press release in inbox]… murderous adulterous evil goblin Tiger Woods?
CNN = law jernalism! Ha ha ha “why isn’t Tiger Woods talking to the public and everyone about why he hit a fire hydrant and a tree on his property? A little birdie tells Jeffrey Toobin the hot sex secrets…” [CNN]
Well, Barack Obama has failed again. The so-called president isn’t quite as popular as Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Partially-African-American Nike model Tiger Woods combined, according to an idiotic new study which also revealed that 5% of Americans want to meet and have their topless picture taken with teevee’s Hannah Montana.
It has been over a year since some Republican finally made the obvious connection, in public, that Barack Obama and professional golf player Tiger Woods are the same person. Both are half-black, half-Muslin, and half-Asian but still manage to be polite human beings who speak eloquently and don’t go on welfare or murder children. In [...]
Condi Rice wrote an article for Tina Brown’s Internet Welfare Program For Lonely Republican Spinsters, and it is all about her new favorite game, golf. Somebody who knows something about golf might be able to “analyze” this article but we are not Deadspin over here so let’s just pick out some funny quotes.
