tim pawlenty
Gay people already face enough discrimination without being linked to fictional dweeb Tim Pawlenty, but we have to post this video because if we don’t, it will never get better.
We even asked our brother-in-law who lives in the state where this Tim Pawlenty is supposedly the governor or the state president or whatever, and our brother-in-law was all, “Nope. Haven’t heard of him.” But our iPhone just beeped with the little pop-up news alert from the New York Times. And instead of being about [...]
Mitt Romney’s perennial challenger for Nation’s Most Boring Governor, Tim Pawlenty, has decided to decide their epic rivalry once and for all in the 2012 presidential contest. But if you’re going to run for president, one of the things you’re supposed to have an answer for is why you’re running for president. “And when I [...]
We will be liveblogging tonight’s Republican presidential debate which airs at 9 pm ET on the world’s only television channel, Fox News. It will be the DEBATE OF THE CENTURY, if suddenly everyone else on the planet dies and lame people like Tim Pawlenty are the only human beings to exist for the rest of [...]
Dull turd Tim Pawlenty actually did do something dingbatty enough to qualify him for the second tier of the Republican presidential candidates: He put some fringe-right nutter from the Bush Administration in charge of the Minnesota public school curriculum, and this educational terrorist installed a board of fundamentalist homeschoolers and extremist libertarians who then decided [...]
A man named Benjamin Foster, who is apparently a Tim Pawlenty campaign staffer, was arrested for intoxication and trespassing at a home in Ankeny, Iowa early this morning, according to Des Moines station KCCI. This scared a teen and her dog, as you can see from this video. Maybe we judged Tim Pawlenty too soon. [...]
“When Tim Pawlenty wants to relax, he goes to hockeyfights.com.” Jeez, Pawlenty, stop measuring the drapes in the White House! You don’t have to be the most presidential presidential candidate ever. Yes, if you somehow thought Pawlenty was boring, depsite all those lens flares and jerky camera movements and the cyborg sound effects he makes [...]
We’re pretty sure that’s the only way to interpret this warning from Tim Pawlenty. This is HORRIFYING. Whatever you do, don’t elect this machine president!
How does a bland lone-horse candidate like Tim Pawlenty get attention when Donald Trump’s fake presidential contest is much more interesting? Not the birther “issue!” According to Pawlenty, he watched CNN say they saw Obama’s birth certificate, and he trusts them. What? Here’s Pawlenty’s plan: “Our role is not to be one of many, it’s [...]
Something seems off here. Oh, right, the lovely shots of the cancer wife he’s cheating on.
As governor of Minnesota, Tim Pawlenty did something highly suspect: He promoted minority homeownership. “But owning your home is a white-people thing,” you say. “Because that’s how things were in the house I grew up in, back in the 1950s, where my dad beat my mother until every inch of her was bruised and then [...]
Tim Pawlenty has been running for president for years now; yesterday, he made it official in a video that utilized quick cuts and a shaking camera so you couldn’t put your finger on exactly how boring he is. This man will really have to do anything to make himself seem interesting, and in Iowa, he [...]
When Tim Pawlenty was a child, a bunch of mouth breathers forced him to will their obsolete manufacturing jobs back into existence. “Hey kid, those gay foreigner founding fathers may have created this country,” said the laborers, spitting tobacco in young T-Paw’s face. “But if you want Americans to embrace it, you’re going to have [...]
LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN! Tim Pawlenty is going to announce something, on Facebook, but it’s only for people who “like” him. (So, nobody.) Will people click on this man’s page for special “access” to this announcement, as no news organization will bother reporting it? You know what else was a special members-only club full of [...]
What do you do when you’re trying to run for president but you’re bland and nobody will buy your book? Release a “trailer” video for it to scare old people into thinking you’re going to fly huge screaming jets personally into their insecurities. Broaden it to include all of humanity, even though you’re a powerless [...]
