Wonkette

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay — whose accomplishments include outsourcing legislation to lobbyists, money laundering, playing golf with Jack Abramoff, and ultimately destroying any hope for his party to regain Congressional majorities in the near future — is now going on some measly radio show calling Barack Obama a “Marxist.” Silly Tom! That kind of blather belongs on the tawdry op-ed pages of the New York Times, not on America’s radio. [The Hill]

Beloved pretend congresslady Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs lost her hundredth straight election the other day — losing a GOP primary runoff to some nobody — and now her dreams and even this sign are in the garbage, forever, along with an empty bottle of $2.99 “Barefoot Chardonnay” and some type of (Nazi?) lager bottle and enough coat hangers for a hundred Texas abortions. Farewell, sweet rodeo princess of our heart! Photo courtesy of Wonkette Operative “John.”

After a valiant and hard-fought campaign, former pretend Congresswoman and full-time nutbag Shelley Sekula Gibbs lost to some joker named Pete Olson last night in a primary runoff for Texas’ 22nd Congressional district. Thus marks the close of another chapter in the fascinating political saga of a woman so beloved by her would-be consituents that one voter called her “DraculaCunt.” MORE »

Even if our coveted Wonkette endorsement failed to put Chris Peden over the top, we are delighted to think we had a hand in Dr. Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs’ miraculous comeback in last night’s primary. Dr. Gibbs once served in Congress as Tom DeLay’s replacement for seven glorious weeks, and now the voters of Texas’ 22nd Congressional District have said loud and clear: Seven More Weeks! MORE »

Former fake Texas Congresswoman Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs won an election, once: it was a “special” election to determine who would warm Tom DeLay’s old seat when he resigned in shame. For seven glorious weeks she served our nation, and then there was a normal election, and she lost horribly to a Democrat named “Slick Nick” Lampson. She vowed never to give up on America, and today America can show it has not given up on her by voting for her crazy ass in the 22nd Congressional District primary. MORE »

As far as Tom “Riding the Botox Needle” DeLay is concerned, John McCain is a betraying, soulless, amoral and unprincipled piece of shit, and DeLay is really intimately familiar with betraying, soulless amoral and unprincipled pieces of shit because he owns 3 dozen mirrors and masturbates daily in front of every one of them. He’s also not a fan of Rudy Giuliani because Rudy looks better in a dress and gets more ass then he does. If either of them wins the primaries, he’s staying home. Unsurprisingly, he’s a big fan of the Huckles. [The Hill, via Schecter]

P.S. Santorum hates McCain too. Damn, Walnuts is starting to look kind of hot.

GOOD-BYE, CROOK! Dirty little Congressman John Doolittle is retiring from the House, GOP spies said today. But you can’t retire from being the target of a massive corruption investigation! [AP/Yahoo]

Congressman John Doolittle of California — Tom DeLay’s scumbag buddy who took a bunch of dirty money from Jack Abramoff — might be wussing out after all. Doolittle’s chief of staff denies it, but the re-election campaign is already almost broke and he nearly lost his 4th District “safe seat” in the ‘06 midterms that swept away his crooked sweetheart Richard Pombo, from California’s 11th District. [TPM Muckraker, Politico, OpenSecrets]

So Tom DeLay is at least top five for biggest dickheads in America, and Europeans hate Americans in general, and Oxford is a college in Europe, and at European colleges they hate Americans even more… quick calculation here… It seems Tom DeLay’s visit to an Oxford debating society didn’t go so well. Especially since he pretty much debated himself after his opponent, Al Sharpton, didn’t show up. MORE »

That’s ostensible born-again Christian Tom DeLay and ostentatious, drunken God-hater Christopher Hitchens making nice with each other at the Hill’s book fair last week! Some puckish individual thought it would be funny to sit them next to each other and watch them squabble about religion or something. Little did they know that Hitch’s hatred of all gods would dovetail nicely with DeLay’s hatred of the Muslim god and they’d have a high old time together while hawking their lame books. MORE »