tsa
We sent Jack Stuef to the airport to get lucky with some TSA harelip. Here’s the photographic evidence proving that Jack is still cowering in the airport bookstore behind a pile of Tucker Max and George W. Bush frat-prank books. [Twitter]
Yes, the government of the United States of America does have to rub down your child’s genitals before he or she boards an airplane, because American toddlers are constantly being moved by their religious and political convictions to blow up large modes of transportation. But what about John Boehner? Nah, he’s fine. We don’t need [...]
But now you insist on a full-body scan, a fairly accurate representation of my naked image to be viewed by a total stranger? But how exactly would they get him… Oh, never mind. Don’t touch my junk is the anthem of the modern man, the Tea Party patriot, the late-life libertarian, the midterm election voter. [...]
Is Nancy Pelosi the most reviled woman in American History? And is it true that Nancy Pelosi likes to bludgeon baby seals to death, with her Gavel? Yes, according to a new poll! (You thought you could escape these horrendous “polls” just because the midterms are long over, didn’t you? Aw. That’s adorable.) Huge nerd [...]
So this fun news photo was being passed around today! It has now been enshrined in Blingee form, thanks to us, and will soon be put into the National Archives. One day we will look back on this Blingee and try to remember what it was like when the federal government wasn’t feeling up our [...]
Hmm, maybe this generally apathetic country will actually rise up against something! They really don’t want other people to see their privates; they just want to see other people’s privates. Anyway, if you do any sort of thing to TSA agents right now, you will be famous! According to police, John A. Christina, 51, admitted [...]
Maybe you’re not the type of person who enjoys the groping supplied by the porno-cancer scanners or its radiation-free alternative, the hot and heavy pat down. Maybe you reserve the look-y looks at your genitals for the nice people you meet at crowded, dark bars, as opposed to the TSA agents who come after you [...]
Lisa Murkowski leads bearded fraud Joe Miller by more than 1,700 votes, and there are still thousands of write-in ballots that haven’t even been counted yet, ergo: Lisa Murkowski totally won, suck a fat one and choke on it, Joe Miller! But facts are stupid things invented by people who didn’t go to Yale Law [...]
Hey, here’s the early winner of America’s “Who Can Be the Most Obnoxious To TSA” contest, a guy calling himself “Johnny Edge.” Cool name! Very libertarian! Very comic book! This guy went into San Diego’s airport with the sole purpose of antagonizing the TSA security guys and catching them on his iPhone’s video thing, and [...]
Here is a video of a three-year-old girl being sexually assaulted at the airport. This disturbing grope-a-thon was caught on camera more than a year ago, but it has since resurfaced on the “Internet blogosphere” (ew) because apparently Americans are tired of being sexually humiliated by the brain-dead vulgarians who are supposed to keep us [...]
Oh lookee, the nation’s primary employer of high-school dropouts stealing your laptop and feeling up your 13-year-old daughter in airport security lines now says it’s “irresponsible” for you to opt-out of being stuck into a dangerous radiation chamber that produces x-ray porno pictures of Americans paying hundreds or thousands of dollars to fly on a [...]
Guess who’s pushing for these radiation/porn camera tubes in every airport, to first debase you and then kill you with cancer? Hollow-eyed death monster Michael Chertoff, former director of Homeland Security! He’s now a lobbyist for the death-porn humiliation chambers, which is why it’s very important to security — his financial security — that you [...]
I pointed out to the security officer that 50 percent of the American population has no balls (90 percent in Washington, D.C., where I live), so what is going to happen when the pat-down officer meets no resistance in the crotchal area of women? “If there’s no resistance, then there’s nothing there.” “But what about [...]
Do you enjoy having three or four obese high-school dropouts looking at you naked, through your clothes, simply because you have a plane to catch? Welcome to America! Also, pilots are getting randomly grabbed by these moronic security guards and pointed to the Naked Camera Machines. This one pilot apparently said, “Uh, no, I’m a [...]
