unemployment
Woo! Party! Fewer than 100,000 jobs were lost last month. High fives, everyone! It could have been 100,000, but it wasn’t! The unemployment rate stayed at 9.6 percent as the overall economy lost 95,000 jobs for the month. Most of that loss came from a decline in government employment, and particularly from a drop in [...]
Here’s some cheery news from the Roosevelt Institute: “Starting at the beginning of 2009, it is now more likely that someone who is unemployed will drop out of the labor force than find a job.” Uhh … that’s probably a bad thing, right? Anything else to weep about, behind the dumpster? “Underemployment, or those employed [...]
Say you’re a Republican candidate somewhere and unemployment is awful because the actual heart of our consumer-debt economy has died, forever, and plus you are “small government” so you can’t actually propose anything, but still you need to talk about jobs because in, say, Wisconsin, jobs come first! That is a good slogan, no? Now [...]
Like Australia, Alaska is a prison colony of persons too unsavory to hack it in their O.G. motherland. Oh, and also there are native people who were there first, like Todd Palin. Peer into the heart of this province of skullduggery and chicanery, and watch as it nurses the lifeblood from Amerikkka’s teat!
New employment numbers are out and they’re great news! Oh, wait, we had the thing upside down, they’re actually terrible. 131,000 fewer jobs last month, although that figure includes 141,000 liberal census workers who were let go after the government decided to just make up the census numbers this year. In fact, the private sector [...]
Oh the interns! They were everywhere, but now they’re leaving, so it’s time to say goodbye to DC’s Summer Slave Class. They came, they stapled, threw up on bars, ran around half-naked, and accomplished … nothing. And so, Interns, as you put the final touches on your collages, or whatever you did for your One [...]
Remember when Alan Greenspan was in charge of our economies, and everyone parsed his inscrutable utterances to determine whether interest rates were going up or down, or to try to figure out if some key but obscure economic indicator was headed in the right direction? Well, now that he doesn’t have a government job to [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonAs our nation’s level of unemployment continues to skyrocket, we must ask ourselves: Are we all hobos, now? Answer: yes. But how will this affect the hobo sector of the American economy, which has always been governed by a strict set of rules? First the hobo hassles some square dude or lady [...]
Wait, is Luke Russert still hanging around the Capitol dressed in his suit? Isn’t “bring your kids to work day” over? Well, Charlie Rangel is sick and tired of being harassed by our nation’s unemployed youth. That’s why Congressman Rangel wrote this great new law to scoop up all the shiftless young Americans and put [...]
With handsome devil Carte Goodwin scheduled to be sworn in as Robert Byrd’s seat-warming replacement sometime today, Democrats (plus the reliable communist ladies from Maine) should be able to break the Republican filibuster and get that lucrative government money flowing to the unemployed again, huzzah! Plus they plan to spend the whole midterm campaigning telling [...]
BP’s futuristic space-age technobox dingus has gone nearly two whole days without leaking, or exploding, or going crazy and bursting off its mooring and burrowing further into the sea floor and opening up yet another leaky hole in the Earth’s crust, which probably means that this whole thing has been solved and you can stop [...]
HMMM, WHAT WAS THE NUMBER FOR XINHUA’S HR DEPARTMENT AGAIN?: Exciting new unemployment numbers are out and they are bad! 83,000 private sector jobs were added (130 to 150K are needed just to keep up with population growth), and hundreds of thousands of census workers have been tossed back into the job-seeking pool. The overall [...]
