Utah
The entire state of Utah is absolutely giddy today as early this morning it got to kill a death row guy by firing squad. Ronnie Lee Gardner was officially declared dead at 12:17 a.m., after what observers claim was an awesome midnight laser light show with everyone’s favorite Jock Jams songs and the funny part [...]
Hey, you know who knows a lot about oil, and evil, and death? Russian President Dmitry Medvedev! He mused to the WSJ about the future of BP, and said that, what with all the money they’ll be spending, “Whether the company can digest those expenditures, whether they will lead to the annihilation of the company [...]
Things are pretty bad when you’re asking the Russians to invade you, right? Well, it seems that things are pretty bad in y-happy Kyrgyzstan right now, with the ethnic riots, and the death, and the flows of refugees to the Uzbek border! And so they’re asking the Russians to, uh, send troops to restore order [...]
After elderly ultra-conservative right-wing extremist monster Utah Sen. Bob Bennett recently lost his party’s nomination, for being too liberal, he was entertaining the idea of a write-in campaign for November. “Ha ha ha Bob Bennett,” everyone said, because come on. Write-in campaign for the U.S. Senate! WHO IS THIS GUY? But if thinking such cute [...]
WONKETTE GUESSIN’ GAME: What is this magical word? “Taylor Oldroyd has had a rocky first year as head of the Utah County Republican Party, but this weekend someone went over the line. A anatomical vulgarity referring to an extremely irritating or contemptible person was burned into Oldroyd’s Provo lawn over the weekend using some sort [...]
HA HA, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: “SALT LAKE CITY – Republican Sen. Bob Bennett was thrown out of office Saturday by delegates at the Utah GOP convention in a stunning defeat for a once-popular three-term incumbent who fell victim to a growing conservative movement nationwide.” For an Informative Wonkette Post about why this makes no sense, [...]
Utah’s “junior senator,” the elderly three-term Republican Bob Bennett, is a 150% conservative monster who hates poor people almost as much as he loves his state’s official god, the Mormon Space Jeebus. So why is he losing so miserably going into his state’s Republican nominating convention?
Science proves that there is nothing wrong with people hot-tubbing in the nude near each other, even when one person is 28 and the other person is 15. In spite of this fact, some gal needed $150,000 to “heal” from the painful memory of being naked in a hot tub near Kevin Garn once, a [...]
JUST ANOTHER ISOLATED WACKO, A FEW BAD APPLES, ETC. “OGDEN, Utah — Hazardous materials crews have been called to an Internal Revenue Service building in Ogden, Utah. Media reports said a suspicious substance was found in the building Monday and that part of it was evacuated while other parts were locked down.” Looks like Tagg [...]
Utah. It’s one of those states that we just have to deal with. Its legislature has just passed a resolution that… uh… well it tells the fedril gubmints to LAY OFF THEIR FREEDOMS and put a sock in this Climate Change scam, because look. Look at all the fukkin’ snow. Fukkin’ everywhere. Mountains, ground, trees. [...]
Did you see this YouTube yet! It involves the latest comical statement from America’s most famous super-homophobic state senator, Chris Buttars of Utah: “I meet with the gays here and there. They were in my house two weeks ago. I don’t mind gays. But I don’t want ‘em stuffing it down my throat all the [...]
Who is this monster who beat up homeless Willy Wonka and stole his jacket? Oh it’s just your kindly Senator Bob Bennett from Utah, asking the Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs Committee if they would like some licorice sticks. They’re in the back of his van. His windowless van. SEXY UPDATE:
CIVIL RIGHTS BATTLES OF OUR TIME: You can use the free wi-fi on Utah Transit Authority trains and buses, but you better not look at some boobies, because a transit cop will write you a ticket and, most likely, chastise you in a sort of embarrassing way. But passengers can appeal the porn citations. [Salt [...]
United States senators have all sorts of fun pastimes. Some of them enjoy innocent diaper-play with prostitutes, while others hold drunken poolside orgies that feature potato-less potato salad. Senator Orrin Hatch, Republican of Utah and known vehicular menace, prefers a more sedate form of diversion: gently running over pedestrians, in the rain.
We of course never read Dana Milbank, but this little bit is actually kind of funny, due to the scarily incompetent driving of one Senator Orrin Hatch, who has not operated a motorcar since the fall of Vichy France.
