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Ha ha, the 2012 GOP primary season may turn out to be a boring one, but at least it will be really, really weird: here, for example, is amoral Fox News imp-turd Sean Hannity staring in disbelief as Rick Perry smacks down Mitt Romney for being a “vulture capitalist” over and over like a drugged [...]
For many years we’ve been predicting the Republicans would eventually run an actual muppet for president, and that dream came true when Michele Bachmann ran for the GOP nomination. But since she quit, are there any other bug-eyed bits of cloth and foam and wire that could act stupid and crazy during the primaries? Yes, [...]
Who is this crazy lady who isn’t allowed to get out of her truck until her husband first gets out and says his piece about why he is permitting her to run for office? She’s Kathy Peterson, Republican candidate for President of the Alabama Public Service Commission and wife of briefly famous redneck and failed [...]
The busy animator-slaves in Taiwan watched the Iowa GOP caucuses, too! They apparently also had pretty good drugs, since we missed the awesome part of the evening where a giant Octopus ate Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney was pelted with Bibles. At least they correctly understood that all Iowa caucus newz items are required by [...]
Here’s an interesting sales pitch from some super PAC supporting Michele Bachmann which we will now (pretty closely) paraphrase for you: “Professional football player Tim Tebow is not very smart, he has a problem with accuracy, and his holier-than-thou Christian shtick is incredibly irritating to many observers — which makes him exactly like Michele Bachmann.” [...]
The Obama campaign released a web video Tuesday morning as a friendly reminder to America that the President already knows who won the Iowa caucuses — in 2008, when he was Man of That Distant Year. Looking at pieces of media like this, it’s remarkable to think that Obama has the so-huge-it-sounds-fake sum of $99 [...]
Here comes 2012, everybody! Hopefully you’re not sitting in your office like Richard Nixon used to, while everybody else was smooching and drinking champagne or whatever, in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Early-onset dementia victim Rick Perry managed to flub a basic question in his only known area of expertise, “gay stuff,” after a town hall participant asked him to explain how he manages to reconcile his constant, vapid harping about limited government with his public opposition as Texas governor to the 2003 Supreme Court case that [...]
We have always pictured Newt Gingrich’s campaign staff as a pinch-faced army of severe trolls marching around in single file wearing stiff matching albino wigs like their leader, but his New Hampshire team at least is merely a club of plump singing elves who roll around on the floor when they are excited. Careful not [...]
Rick Perry’s comprehensive new policy platform for “fixin’ shit” is just to slash Congress’ $174,000 annual paychecks in half and cut back on the time that Congress spends in Washington, as punishment for making everyone hate them. This is Rick Perry’s huge “solution” to everything according to his new campaign ad, an idea that has [...]
Oh look, Michele Bachmann doesn’t even know the names of the random “children” she assembled to make this dumb Christmas video to remind everyone that her gay husband Marcus is so gay that he’s not even allowed in the family Christmas video. “Don’t forget the reason for the season,” sez Michele … which is marginalizing [...]
It was another day of thuggery on the Iowa campaign trail as Michele Bachmann’s remaining followers mercilessly booed and taunted a sad gay robot. The pudgy homosexual android just wanted to make a case for itself, but the slob wingnuts just chanted BOOOOO because that’s how they “cure homosexuality.” Speaking of pudgy gay robots, has [...]
