virginia
That state attorney general who “won” at being the first to defeat Obamacare in his state apparently would like to be beamed up to heaven very quickly so he can go be one of Osama bin Laden’s “Virginans,” which sounds like a cross between “virgin” and “vagina” and “trans.” Wow, what a combo! Whatever your [...]
Oh for fuck’s sake. Does George Allen think the problem with his last Senate race is he didn’t say “Macaca” enough? Well, he’s starting early this time!
Brave Macaca hero Jim Webb has bravely decided to give up even trying to run for re-election to the U.S. Senate against half-witted football man George Allen. We can confirm this because the photo for this story on Google News is of a rooster that stabbed and killed a man at a cockfight. Yeah, that [...]
Hours before George Allen announced his return to politics in Virginia, the insane football-cradling horse-riding racist was apparently back to his foul old tricks. A family in Arlington discovered the severed head of a deer tossed in their backyard. While there is no definite proof George Allen made a midnight ride on his stupid borrowed [...]
Still bummed out over America’s comedic loss of Christine O’Donnell? Relax! There’s always another Top Tier Clown that will emerge to provide the laughs in the next election cycle. And the 2012 Humor Olympics have begun, because George Allen will announce today that he’s running for the Senate in Virginia, in 2012! Just six years [...]
Virginia, fresh off the thrilling conservative victory of getting a Republican judge to rule part of Obamacare unconstitutional, is now looking to ban gays from the National Guard in its state, because playing around with secessionary tactics is the second greatest passion in the South. (#1 passion: the South.) Republican state Del. Bob Marshall is [...]
Have you heard of this GWAR act? About 30 or 40 years ago, these guys started wearing elaborate styrofoam monster costumes and playing some kind of dirge metal, probably. Haha they are from Richmond, Virginia. And they’re still around! They’re like the Rolling Stones of wearing monster costumes, we bet! Anyway, here’s a Not Safe [...]
For the fifth time since October, an innocent military facility in Virginia has been savagely shot by some armed weirdo. The shooter is probably a former Marine and current nutcase, according to FBI agent Clarice Starling. And this time, the victim was a Coast Guard recruiting office in Woodbridge, Va. The same gunman probably shot [...]
Virginia Beach Republican Party Chairman David Bartholomew has resigned after sending out a hilarious racist e-mail about taking a dog to get welfare benefits. We probably should have warned you before posting that sentence, as some of you probably fainted from the sheer surprise at reading such a thing. A Republican official sent out a [...]
There is, remarkably, a 28-year-old woman who is running for Congress from Virginia named Krystal Ball (JESUS CHRIST, BAD PARENTS). As we have, apparently, noted in the past, this woman is quite attractive, in terms of fornication. But we wrote that before photos showed up on the Internet of her fellating a Rudolph the Red-Nosed [...]
What are the fun primaries Americans are going to be forced to vote in, today? In Arizona, Walnuts McCain, having dispensed with his few remaining principles, will almost certainly obliterate huckster infomercial man J.D. Hayworth. In Alaska, the Senate primary fight between Lisa Murkowski and Todd Palin’s snowmobiling buddy is secretly a proxy battle between [...]
U.S. District Court Judge Henry E. Hudson refused today to dismiss a lawsuit filed by Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli II, against the federal health-care reform law, so opponents of health care will now have their day in court. “While this case raises a host of complex constitutional issues, all seem to distill to the [...]
The people of Franklin County, Virginia, are feeling so emotional today, because their Confederate monument stands tall and proud once again — hooray! The Confederate-Americans had to live without their rebel-flag statue and prayer tower for three years after some jerk (probably a matured “anchor baby”) knocked it down with his liberalism-powered truck and broke [...]
