walmart
Here is a number we’ve seen bouncing around this week that really makes us want to fire up the old Yule Log, in the sense that the “Yule Log” is a tightly bound human centipede of the richest hundred humans in America, lit on fire: The six heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune have about $93 [...]
We’ve been keeping an eye on the Economic Newz, because sometimes you can “tell things” from the business reports that the political scumsacks won’t admit until it’s already common knowledge (“Unemployment continues to be a challenge,” etc.), and so far it looks like investors are all “Meh” on the debt ceiling/American Default stuff because the [...]
Oh the obese, how quickly they seem to have multiplied across our fair land. The self-aware once had a hero in Michelle Obama, who gave important seminars like “Just Because It Is A Dollar Doesn’t Mean You Should Eat It” and “Put Down the Fried Dough, You Human Stick of Lard.” But no one will [...]
Sex advice columnist Bristol Palin continues to roam the lower 48 doling out her witty repartee and shilling copies of her college entry essay (just kidding) to thousands of borderline-illiterate consumers who keep asking her when they can see the free teevee version instead. Who will get to play Bristol? We pick, uh, Matt Damon? [...]
Crap merchant Wal-Mart has watched shoppers flee its grim aisles in increasing numbers for the past two years — seven straight quarters of declining sales. So what happened to this glorious monument of American Exceptionalism in the late 20th Century found on the honky-tonk mini-mall edge of every Nowhere Town, USA? Why did working/lower/starving class [...]
Popcikles + Honeycooked ham turkey = Sputnik Moment. [Reddit via Wonkette operative "Roscoe"]
Two Libyan air force pilots landed their Libyan death zeppelins (?) in Malta, after refusing orders to slaughter civilians from the air — because sometimes you just have to do the right thing, instead of committing mass murder. In other Libyan defector news: a group of army officers released a statement urging fellow soldiers to [...]
The world’s largest retailer for the world’s largest customers, Wal-Mart, has decided to open four stores in the Nation’s Capital. For one (usually good) reason or another — China, jobs, lead poisoning, the destruction of entire American towns — people who have never had to suffer the fate of buying Wal-Mart boxes of corn-syrup Phat [...]
The U.S. Department of Agriculture promotes the sale of as much U.S. agricultural products as possible, which means soaked in poison and processed out of recognition, but the USDA is also supposedly the national arbiter of nutritional information. This is why the average public school lunch is made of trans fat, e. coli and the [...]
While standing (or riding a Rascal) in line at WalMart behind a massive shopping cart full of huge novelty popcorn containers and corn syrup buckets this holiday season, America’s defeated shoppers will get a very special message from the nice lady at Homeland Security. Apparently stung by criticism that she’s only dedicated to humiliation and [...]
It’s a good thing Obama sort of halfway gave that Consumer Protection Bureau job to his alleged friend Elizabeth Warren, because it sort of sounds like these are terrible times for the Consumer — who, by executive order, officially replaced the U.S. Citizen back in 1983. For example, U.S. Consumer Sentiment “unexpectedly declined” this month, [...]
WalMart! There is nothing quite like a blood riot in a WalMart to make you want to go anywhere else, even Afghanistan. Enjoy this footage from “Black Friday,” the magic day in America when the citizens don’t even pretend to be human. [YouTube]
In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress! According to some sort of ‘Save Glenn Beck’ online petition, Americans overwhelmingly chose WALMART as the symbol of our great Union! Other popular symbols that didn’t make the cut: a bald eagle clenching a Kenyan birth certificate with its razor-sharp talons, LYNNDIE ENGLAND pointing at [...]
A Children’s Treasury of Sincere Comments Praising Wal-Mart
by Wonkette Jr.
Last week we mentioned that a half-dozen heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune own more than the 100,000,000 Americans at the wrong end of the U.S. Pyramid of Poverty, which is gigantic on the bottom and narrow in the middle and just a teeny tiny point on the top that controls all the wealth in this [...]