war on xmas
This is not actually a Holiday Classic, but because nothing on the Internet can be trusted, that’s the title we’re giving to this old thing we found, which was written by your editor back when he was toiling for UPI at the shabby headquarters behind the White House, back when Bill Clinton was still officially [...]
Oh LOOKY LOO at who’s ashamed of America’s noble Judeo-Christian heritage! A very suspicious email message went out from the Republican National Committee on Christmas Day, wishing everyone “happy holidays.” This failure to mention Xmas is a direct affront to the baby Jesus and his father, Santa Claus.
It’s not New Year’s until the ball drops in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, and Christmas celebrations cannot begin until a woman knocks over the Pope on Christmas Eve. And so began another Feliz Navidad around the world, once the lady knocked down the Pope. Happy Holiday, CNN online editor stuck working on Christmas [...]
Beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger was just doing whatever He does at the Vatican on Christmas Eve, when a mysterious Lady In Red just cold knocked his old Nazi ass to the floor, for like two seconds, no big, but of course it is Christmas Sacrilege to do this to this guy, the current pope [...]
Don’t mind that bearded fanatic in his low-altitude primitive aircraft flying around the skyscrapers tonight! The government is totally aware of this problem, and has chosen to just sort of “let it play out.” Happy Christmas, everybody! [NORAD Santa Tracker]
WOW. So this lady, “Bunny,” is so furious that, uhm, the Senate would pass Health Care Reform on, uhm, a working day/weekday before Christmas, that she just has no idea what to do at all, beyond call C-SPAN. So she took down her Christmas tree, and the wreath, because these are pagan symbols from the [...]
Wonkette artistic contributor (and Chicago Reader staffer, yay!) Lauri Apple has a special War On Xmas Eve present to bless all of you, everyone: It’s the Talking Thomas Friedman Doll, direct from a business-class flight from some exotic foreign destination with Pizza Huts and golf courses! He’s so full of crap, your dogs will try [...]
By weirdly popular demand, here is the infamous video of some Paultards singing a very terrible version of “Twelve Days of Christmas,” wherein the partridge “goes Galt” and the Maidens all run away screaming because, jesus, Paultards are singing! [YouTube]
At about 7 a.m. on this holiest of days, the “Day Before Xmas,” 60 senators who got a bribe from Harry Reid are expected to do some final procedural vote on health care reform, hooray! Your editor is on the West Coast trying to “enjoy the holidays,” and he is NOT getting up at 4 [...]
Hmm so why are Wonkette’s lazy-ass “you’d think they’d notice it’s a Recession” writers posting even less than usual? Jesus’ solstice birthday! (And, uhh, the whole next two weeks.) So here’s a special “Charlie Brown War On Xmas” collection of all the local-news reports on dumb fat fools seeing Jeebus everywhere. [Everything Is Terrible via [...]
Hooray, at exactly 12:47 p.m., it is Winter Solstice! Look outside. Does it look “wintry”? Congratulations, that is how it is supposed to look. And because it’s the shortest day of the year, go ahead and start drinking now. Perfectly legal! [National Geographic, Annapolis Capital]
DOES NEWELL KNOW? Santa has, apparently, made room for gingers on his War on Xmas Gift List. [The Awl]
It’s always the War On Xmas somewhere, which is why we feel obligated to bring you this video of … uh, a fox trying to move in on some cat food thrown around the entrance of a building? Yeah but the cat is all I do not think so, you fuck. Anyway, don’t miss the [...]
Saturday, December 12 through Sunday, December 13: Dance as if you just got rejected and are stuck to the floor because there’s beer all over it. That’s what the Jane Franklin Dance company will be doing in their show The Floor is Sticky, which combines poetry, spoken word and theater. Modern dance is fascinating.
