washington
Conservative teen pop star Ken Cuccinelli, Virginia’s attorney general, is using the hot news about all those dead rats found everywhere in the cleaned-out Occupy DC encampment to bring up one of his biggest fears: That a recent federal law will end up dumping all of DC’s many filthy rats into the Maryland and Virginia [...]
Those NMA.tv Taiwanese animations were all fun and games when they were about idiot Teabaggers and Sarah Palin being a fat teen-aged stripper or whatever. But now that the New York Times has suggested that Washington “pay off” its debt to China by letting China invade and take over Taiwan, well now the videos have [...]
Mississippi GOP Rep. Steven Palazzo did not ask any of his staff to rent a waterfront house in Annapolis over Columbus Day weekend in order to throw a mad days-long orgy for a giant pack of unruly congressional aides, so somehow this is exactly what happened. Palazzo’s scheduler booked the property apparently under the impression [...]
Here is some terrifying video at the 500-foot level of the Washington Monument during the big East Coast earthquake. The government helpfully didn’t reveal the extent of the damage, nor this frightening video, until now. Check out the ranger gal — seen here in the original NPS clip scratching her head and texting until the [...]
Just weeks after the American government made its surprise announcement that the Statue of Liberty would be closing for many years, yesterday’s earthquake in Washington D.C. has led to the “indefinite closure” of the iconic Washington Monument. The marble phallus would have to topple over in an aftershock to provide a more fitting visual narrative [...]
Our latest sources say terrible whiny loser Eric Cantor was apparently the actual target of the 5.9 5.8-magnitude earthquake the reptile gods of space launched at the East Coast today, because the epicenter of the quake was smack in the middle of Eric Cantor’s seventh congressional district in Virginia. Sorry, angry cosmic overlords, huge whiff: Eric [...]
Haha, Rick Perry’s prayers ALMOST WORKED THAT TIME. A magnitude 5.9 earthquake originating in Virginia tried to shake apart the East Coast, including godless gay liberal New York and just plain godless Washington. Your very own Wonkette felt this crazy-long quake but automatically assumed it was just the giant trucks passing by the ramshackle hovel [...]
What is still the best way in 2011 to convince a room full of intransigent Republican males to join your team? You promise them a little violence and a little mayhem. House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy sat down a group of GOP lawmakers to show them a scene from a Ben Affleck movie called The [...]
Post-apocalyptic America has a few rules still, like “stay out of trailer parks at night,” and “personal mobility scooters are hilarious, in every context.” Did we have to say that? NO, on to the real issue: America also has some very awful rules, like “automatically assume a black man walking into a bank with a [...]
Some of you sheeple are probably voting for the candidates with the best “ideas” in November, which is embarrassing and ignorant. Real Americans vote for the political hack with the most money to spend on slanderous teevee ads and racist billboards. This is how proper Democracy works, so please stop with the sniveling. But if [...]
Stephen Colbert told Congress about how awful it is to be a farmer, even for ten hours, and how it is funny that white people complain that immigrants are stealing all the “good” farmhand jobs. Read his testimony [PDF]: Joined by Congresswoman Zoe Lofgren—longtime advocate for farm workers’ rights—I traveled to upstate New York where [...]
MSNBC’s very own narcissist-blowhard teevee personality Ed Schultz laughs and laughs at last weekend’s Glenn Beck Death March on Washington. Does he laugh because the rally was several hours of monotonous, meaningless drivel attended by the most wretched and diabetic demographic of America? Does he laugh because Glenn Beck organized an army of worshipers to [...]
Four score and seven years ago, our Founding Fathers created Craigslist so that horny wingnut dudes could hook up for spontaneous sexual encounters in the nation’s capital, while Defending Liberty. And over the weekend, some patriots acknowledged the Fathers’ hard work and ingenuity, and used Craigslist to try and Restore each others’ Honor with their [...]
