wasilla
Good god, we’ve gone several hours without a Levi Johnston update! Yesterday, we all learned of Young Levi’s political plans: He wants to run for mayor of Wasilla, because he heard about this other idiot who managed to become mayor of Wasilla. But his bastard child’s sketchy old granny (Sarah Palin) isn’t even mayor of [...]
Important news from Alaska! Now that Levi and Bristol’s re-engagement has ended its two-week run at the top of the charts, Levi obviously needs something new to keep him in the public eye, because without the adoration of millions he will literally fade into non-existence. Fortunately, Levi has the services of his indefatigable manager, “Tank [...]
Here is Katie Couric running through a script about Sarah Palin the day John McCain picked her as his running mate and—OH NO—she says the same thing about Sarah Palin’s children that has been said by every person ever. Why does she hate Trig so much? Stop making fun of him, Katie! See, she hates [...]
Wasilla, Alaska, 2:08 p.m.
Look! It’s a new, tall fence goin’ up between Sarah Palin and her new neighbor, book author Joe McGinniss, who just moved there to spy on Piper on her toilet. Do you know how Joe McGinniss found this plush Wasilla masturbation cave?
Sleazy grifter Sarah Palin has been raking in the money at various conventions and trade shows, because she became famous in late 2008 when a shameless old man thought she might help his doomed presidential campaign. But Palin’s relatively small fan base — maybe 2 million dumb people in a nation of 309 million? — [...]
Famous abstinence activist/teen mom Bristol Palin is hitting the lecture circuit to teach teen moms how to deal with the poverty that usually accompanies teen pregnancy: Go on the lecture circuit and make up to $30,000 per hour — if your mom is famous wingnut Sarah Palin, that is. WE REPEAT: dumb teenager Bristol Palin, [...]
Sarah Palin’s whole nutty family appeared in that USA Weekend newspaper insert on Sunday, and even a sympathetic publication that only appears in the pro-America America can’t help but make Palin and her brood look like a bunch of bird-brained weirdos. The whole cover story is only about 900 words long — normal for these [...]
Hooray for Justice: The college kid in Tennessee who correctly guessed the hometown of Wasilla’s ex-mayor Sarah Palin has his verdict. David Kernell, the 22-year-old who “hacked” into Palin’s Yahoo email — which she was illegally using to conduct government business — is officially guilty on two counts.
Oh look, it’s another million-word liberal magazine article about snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin! Did you read it? We scanned it, as a service to busy Wonkette people who simply can’t afford to give up an hour of porn or solitaire or whatever, and the only interesting part we discovered was that the Tea Party Teabaggers [...]
Wonkette operative “Kris” wants you to have nightmares forever and ever, until you jump out of your (first floor) window and, uh, sprain your ankle. So she flipped over our gross picture of Sarah Palin’s tattooed-on lipstick, and, well …. Enjoy it!
What is this? Newell: “Is that her book-on-tape narration, I guess?” Maybe, does she have one of those? GAH, that voice. And here’s this funny video to go with it, her Fox American Stories or whatever, about Alaska. [YouTube/Gawker]
All Sarah Palin ever wanted to be in her whole life was a teevee host. This is Documented Fact, and the whole “politics” thing simply grew out of her failure to get a full-time spot on the local news in Anchorage. It didn’t work out, of course, because Sarah Palin was too dumb and untalented [...]
Our little Levi Johnston is known for one thing, and that’s putting his wang into Sarah Palin’s teen-aged daughter’s hoohah. AND YET … his Playgirl pictorial will be ruined by some type of duck blind over his ding-dong. But what will cover Wasilla’s most infamous working-class wiener? Our op-art specialist Lauri Apple has many suggestions.
Hilarious Weirdo Leaves Comment About Sarah Palin’s House (?)
by Ken Layne
What kind of insanity is Sarah Palin causing today? We were reading Wonkette alum Juli Weiner’s thing at the Vanity Fair website about the Great Home-Depot Pre-Assembled Board-Wall of Wasilla when we stumbled upon a comment that may or may not have been translated from the original Latvian. Does Sarah Palin “takes off her cloths, [...]