Tucker Carlson Can't Find QAnon's Website, Guess QAnon Doesn't Exist

Tucker Carlson's Smile Time White Grievance Hour took a very serious look at the topic of disinformation last night, as part of yet another installment in his continuing series "They don't want you to think for yourself, so you should think whatever Tucker Carlson says you should." The part that got the most attention was this snippet posted to Twitter by Media Matters reporter Andrew Lawrence, in which Carlson seemed to insist that the very idea of "QAnon" was itself a figment of the liberal imagination:

Carlson, who has an uncanny talent for lying right down to his facial muscles, explained,

"It's worth finding out where the public is getting all this false information, this dis-information, as we'll call it. So we checked. We spent all day trying to locate the famous QAnon, which, in the end, we learned is not even a website. If it's out there, we could not find it.

Then, we checked Marjorie Taylor Greene's Twitter feed because we have heard she traffics in dis-information, CNN told us, but nothing there."
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Hey Look, More ‘Fake Trump Protesters’ Who Are Actually Violent Trump Protesters!

Ron Johnson, Republican senator and Wisconsin's shame, suggested during a Senate hearing Tuesday that the MAGA mob that attacked the Capitol on January 6 on behalf of the twice-impeached thug were possibly "provocateurs" and "fake Trump protesters." It's a theory sparked by an absurd Federalist article, and we guess Johnson felt comfortable sharing it publicly because there's no sanity test for Senate membership.

Rational participants in reality have noticed that the pathetic insurrectionists arrested so far have all been enthusiastic supporters of the previous White House occupant. There's the QAnon shaman, the failed life coach, the Texas florist, and the former Army ranger and current member of the far-right Oath Keepers. Maybe they all went under deep cover just to embarrass Republicans who are willingly in the same political party with Ron Johnson.

The conspiracy continued Tuesday with more arrests of obvious MAGA goons. FBI agents arrested Philip Grillo at his girlfriend's home in Glen Oaks, Queens. According to federal prosecutors, Grillo was identified by the fancy Knights of Columbus jacket he wore inside the Capitol. Grillo apparently didn't see the point of keeping a low profile during his domestic terror activities.

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CPAC Cancel Cultures Anti-Semitic Dipsh*t From CPAC Cancel Culture Conference

The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is set to get screaming this weekend, with the engaging theme "America Uncanceled." Meeting in Florida instead of the usual DC site, the conference agenda features all sorts of fun sessions, like "Tolerance Reimagined: The Angry Mob and Violence in our Streets," "California Socialism: Promising Heaven, Delivering Hell" (featuring Rep. Devin Nunes!), and "So You've Been De-Platformed -- What Now?" Plus lots and lots of arglebargle about how Donald Trump, Friday's headliner, actually won the election, of course.

But one invited guest, a rapper and social media person who calls himself "Young Pharaoh," won't be there, the poor guy. As seems karmically mandated when you devote your conference to decrying "cancel culture," it turns out the guy had a history of posting anti-Semitic rants on Twitter and in his YouTube videos.

Don't worry if you'd never heard of the guy, who was originally listed in the CPAC program as a "Philosopher, Scholar, Musician" -- until this week, neither had Google, it seems! But as Media Matters demonstrated, Young Pharaoh's Twitter account (now suspended) offered a potpourri of anti-Semitism and conspiracy theories, mixed with New Age woo and lifestyle advice. Once that came to light, the brave free speech advocates at Matt Schlapp's American Conservative Union, which sponsors CPAC, announced that Young Pharaoh had been canceled.

At least the tweet announcing the cancellation was good for some laughs, because doesn't this describe a lot of CPAC's normal content?

We're looking forward to finding out how Young Pharaoh got invited to the conference in the first place. Maybe it was his YouTube video about "SATANIC & PEDOPHILE MESSAGES IN CHILDRENS CARTOONS."

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American President Meets Foreign Leader, Doesn't Even Step On Own Dick!

Time for another post about a normal thing happening in the Biden Years! There are so many things we lost during the Trump Years, it's hard to remember all 75,000,000 of them at any given time, so each time something Actually Normal happens, it's like a happy surprise.

Today's Normal Thing is that the president of the United States met with the leader of one of our closest allies and the American president did NOT step on his dick and and he did NOT embarrass America forever and he did NOT destroy the relationship with our ally and he did NOT insult our ally and our ally did NOT get caught on tape making fun of the American president to literally everybody they ever met.

And because it was Justin Trudeau, we should mention that he didn't have to do a weirdo handshake dance to prevent the American president from trying to assert some kind of weirdo tiny-handed handshake arm-ripping-out-of-socket dominance.

Trudeau was shady as balls, of course, but in a good way, because he wasn't being shady to President Joe Biden, but to Donald Trump:

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Steve Bannon Might Still Get To Go To Jail After All!

Manhattan DA Cy Vance sending love note subpoenas ERRWHERE!

Steve Bannon can run, but he can't hide.

Well, to be clear, as to whether Ol' Three Shirts can run, the jury is still out. But he can't hide from the grand jury in Manhattan, which is now perusing records from Wells Fargo and GoFundMe related to Bannon's alleged scam to crowdfund that border wall Mexico was supposed to pay for. This would be the same scam that netted Bannon a federal indictment courtesy of the Southern District of New York, only to see the charges against him vaporized in a January 19 presidential pardon. Naturally Bannon didn't bother to hit the old man up for a get-out-of-jail-free card for his alleged co-conspirator Brian Kolfage, a quadriplegic veteran, so presumably the federal case is ongoing.

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Culture Wars

GOP Civil War Canceled, Says Rick Scott Hiding Under Desk In Secured Location

Good luck with that.

Florida GOP Senator Rick Scott, who became chair of the National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) in January, will not have you ruffians talking about any "GOP civil war." He insists in a laughably petulant message to "Republican voters, activists, leaders, [and] donors" that there is no such thing, and there won't be one on his watch, NO SIR. (The "sir" is Donald Trump, who certainly hasn't been threatening to form his own party or to take his large majority of remaining GOP members with him). So where's all this talk of a "Republican civil war" coming from? Political pundits, you see, who are trying to force the GOP to have one. Hence the subject line of Scott's communique, "REPUBLICAN CIVIL WAR HAS BEEN CANCELLED." And just in time for CPAC!

We can't imagine anyone, least of all Rick Scott, believes a word of Rick Scott's screed, but that doesn't mean it's not hilarious.

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Stephen Miller DISGUSTED President Biden Treating Immigrants Like Human Beings, DISGUSTED!

Poor thing.

Donald Trump will speak Sunday at the Conservative Political Action Conference, where he's expected to declare himself the past, present, and future of the GOP. Axios reports that his keynote address will be a “show of force" that makes clear he is the “presumptive 2024 nominee." His deranged message is "I may not have Twitter or the Oval Office, but I'm still in charge," we guess.

The former White House squatter is brushing off his greatest policy hit, immigration, and will blast real President Joe Biden's policies that don't involve torturing children. Most former presidents have avoided directly attacking their successors, especially so soon after an election, but the one-term loser was never really an American president. We shouldn't expect him to uphold norms and traditions or demonstrate basic human decency. He'll just whine a lot about how Biden abandoned his WALL.

Stephen Miller, who appears to be a snake cursed to assume human form, was the primary driver of Presumptive Nominee's anti-immigration schemes. Miller's currently joining forces with conservative House Republicans who want to oppose Biden's sensible policies. He's also taking his racist Chicken Little act on the talk show circuit. Last week, he told professional terrible person Laura Ingraham that Biden's immigration plan is the “most radical" bill ever written. Sunday, Miller whined to Maria Bartiromo on Fox News that Biden wasn't even trying to be a fascist who fundamentally misunderstood America.

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