<blockquote>"I don't like being alone in Washington," he said, describing "shadows on the ceiling in my apartment, there alone, shadows are so long." </blockquote><p>Get a night light, my dude.</p><blockquote>He then ran through a series of conspiracy theories, culminating in a prediction that Mr. Trump will win re-election but his Democratic opponent, Joseph R. Biden Jr., will refuse to concede.</blockquote><p>Projection!</p><blockquote>"And when Donald Trump refuses to stand down at the inauguration, the shooting will begin," he said. "The drills that you've seen are nothing." He added: "If you carry guns, buy ammunition, ladies and gentlemen, because it's going to be hard to get."</blockquote><p>Get a grip!</p><blockquote>Mr. Caputo suggested, also without evidence, that the August killing of a Trump supporter in Portland, Ore., by an avowed supporter of the left-wing collective known as antifa was part of a broader left-wing plot to target the administration's supporters.<br><br>"Remember the Trump supporter who was shot and killed?" he said. "That was a drill."</blockquote><p>Projection again!</p><blockquote>He "went down fighting," Mr. Caputo said. "Why? Because he couldn't say what he had inside him." He then spoke of "hit squads being trained all over this country" — a conspiracy theory unsupported by evidence.</blockquote><p>Magical thinking!</p><blockquote>Mr. Caputo on Sunday complained on Facebook that he was under siege by the media and said that his physical health was in question and his "mental health has definitely failed."</blockquote><p><span></span>Not gonna disagree about the failed mental health part.</p><p><span></span>Caputo also said, on Facebook, while presumably checking every five seconds to see if the shadows on his ceiling were still being cast by light coming in windows, or if they were ANTIFA DEMOCRAT BLACK LIVES MATTER MONSTERS, that there is a Deep State cabal inside the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) that is hellbent on "undermining" Trump. </p><p>Ummm, "How?" you are asking. Well! Sane people might think it has to do with their commitment to science and refusal to barf out pandemic happytalk for Trump, who <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/mighta-been-nice-if-we-had-tapes-of-trump-admitting-he-was-lying-about-coronavirus-back-in-february-bob" target="_blank">admitted back in February</a> to Bob Woodward that he was lying to the American public about how serious COVID-19 was. We could see how fascist-supporting Trump assholes like Caputo might be a little P.O.-ed about that.</p><p>But no, it's not that, it is that the CDC is going to murder him!</p><blockquote>"You understand that they're going to have to kill me, and unfortunately, I think that's where this is going," Mr. Caputo, a Trump loyalist installed by the White House in April, told followers in a video he hosted live on his personal Facebook page. </blockquote><p>Hate it when the CDC murders everybody. Hate it. </p><p>So, where did this little meltdown come from? Well, as the <em>Times</em> notes, there was a <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/11/exclusive-trump-officials-interfered-with-cdc-reports-on-covid-19-412809" target="_blank">bunch of reporting</a> this weekend on how Caputo and his mouthbreathing political appointee HHS pals <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/12/us/politics/trump-coronavirus-politics-cdc.html" target="_blank">have been manipulating</a> the CDC's actual scientific weekly reports on coronavirus to make them match up with Trump's happy talk and lies. </p><p>One Trump idiot in Caputo's department, a guy named Paul Alexander, whom Caputo hired and says is a <em>geeeeenius -- </em>based on Caputo's very scientific understanding of science! -- referred to the CDC's reports as "hit pieces on the administration," which says <em>a hell of a lot more</em> about "the administration" than it does the CDC, if the science facts written by the medical experts at the CDC are in such conflict with the daily garbage bullshit coming out of the White House. <em></em></p><blockquote>Those reports, deemed "the holiest of the holy" by one former top health official for their international respect and importance, have traditionally been so shielded from political interference that political appointees see them only just before they are published.</blockquote><p>It's all stunning reporting, and you should read it, but that appears to be why Caputo is seeing VERY SCARY SHADOWS on his ceiling. He's mad because the news reported on the shit he's pulling.</p><p>Here is how the <em>Times</em> piece on Caputo's Facebook meltdown ends:</p><blockquote>"To allow people to die so that you can replace the president is a grievous venial sin, venial sin," he said. "And these people are all going to hell."</blockquote><p>To date, 194,000 Americans have died of coronavirus, and most of those deaths could have been prevented if the president wasn't a sociopathic lying buffoon shitstain wannabe dictator who thinks of the pandemic as something that happened <em>to him personally</em>, and not as, you know, a pandemic that hit the entire world. </p><p>Caputo is likely correct, though, that if there is a supreme sentient deity of any kind out there, <em>somebody's </em>going to hell. Pretty sure it's not the CDC scientists, though.<em></em></p><p>In summary and in conclusion, fuck your whiny ass, Michael Caputo, and please seek therapy.</p><p>OPEN THREAD!</p><p>[<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/14/us/caputo-virus.html" target="_blank">New York Times</a>]</p><p><strong><span></span>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!</a><br></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, WE NEED YOUR LOVE GIFTS TO KEEP US GOING.</strong></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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