Perfectly Sane Trump Insists He’d Have Attended Biden’s Inauguration If He’d Known No One Wanted Him There

Donald Trump petulantly tweeted on January 8, "To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20." This was his final tweet before he was banned from the platform because he wouldn't stop spreading election lies and inciting violence. Two days earlier, Trump had incited an attack on the Capitol as part of his desperate effort to overturn the presidential election he'd lost like a loser. No reasonable person wanted him at Joe Biden's inauguration.

Journalist Jonathan Karl's upcoming book, Betrayal: The Final Act of the Trump Show, provides some new context to Trump's farewell tweet, and it's pathetically in character for the twice-impeached thug. It seems Mitch McConnell wasn't thrilled that Trump's thugs attacked Congress, so he suggested congressional leaders join him in drafting a “fuck off forever" letter to President Klan Robe. They would explicitly demand that he and his droogs stay away from the upcoming inauguration. This would make Trump the first outgoing president to fail to attend his successor's inauguration since Andrew Johnson noped out on Ulysses S. Grant's.

From ABC News:

"McConnell felt he could not give Trump another opportunity to disrupt the peaceful transfer of power," Karl writes in the new book. "McConnell wanted to get a letter together from the top four congressional leaders informing Trump that he had been disinvited."
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Milo Yiannopoulos Selling Virgin Marys On Far-Right Catholic Home Shopping Network Knockoff

Milo Yiannopoulos, once the brightest star in the alt-right sky, has had trouble finding his place in the world after getting booted from basically every Trumpist platform on earth after suggesting that being molested by a priest was not all that bad. Naturally, he turned to the only institution on earth with absolutely no business criticizing anyone else for defending child-molesting priests — The Catholic Church.

To go along with his renewed faith, Yiannopoulos moved back into his closet, declared himself a heterosexual, and grew out a mullet to prove just how aggressively heterosexual he plans on being. Still, even with this and even with all his apologies, the right-wing world has moved on. I hate to say it, but even his 2016 persona is probably not wacky enough for them anymore.

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It’s Official: Beto O’Rourke Running For Texas Governor

Democrat Beto O'Rourke, who we like around here, officially declared his candidacy for Texas governor on Monday. O'Rourke came within 2.6 points of defeating unsightly buttcheek pimple Ted Cruz in the 2018 Senate race. That was an epic Blue Wave election, however, and O'Rourke will face two-term incumbent Greg Abbott during midterm elections that look increasingly bleak for Democrats. Abbott is also a more likable candidate than Cruz, based on the objective reality that he's not Ted Cruz.

Some polls show O'Rourke statistically tied with Abbott, and another has him losing by nine points, while the baby Jesus cries. It's not like polling is a science or anything. Don't pay attention to polls and just go vote, to the extent that you're legally able to in Texas after Republicans rammed through a voter suppression bill on a party-line basis.

Let's take a look at O'Rourke's campaign launch video.

www.youtube.com

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What's In The Build Back Better Bill? Your Servicey Wonkette SUPER MEGA-LISTICLE!

The White House announced Wednesday that this coming Monday, President Biden will sign the Bipartisan Infrastructure bill into law. The White House is inviting to the ceremony members of Congress who worked on the great big $1 trillion package of infrastructure spending. Yes, that will include Republicans, although we're betting it'll only be GOP senators who show up, since if any of the 13 House Republicans who voted to pass it attend, they may be ground up into road resurfacing substrate by angry GOP colleagues, to teach 'em a lesson.

Biden is certain to use the occasion to push for the quick passage of the other main part of his first-term agenda, the much larger Build Back Better reconciliation bill, which the House plans to vote on next week. As we've noted previously, Build Back Better contains most of Biden's social policy and climate change agenda from his earlier American Jobs Plan and American Families Plan.

Yesterday, we brought you Wonkette's Comprehensive Listicle on what's in the Infrastructure Bill, which you should bookmark so you can refer to it in all your holiday infrastructure conversations. Today, we'll do the same for the Build Back Better Act, with the understanding that it's still subject to changes in the next couple weeks as it takes its final form. Once it's passed — and the White House is confident it will pass — we'll pop back in and update this post with any changes, because that's just how servicey we are.

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Culture

Jon McNaughton Paints His Sexiest Man Alive, Also His Six Sexiest Men Dead

America's Greatest Artist got out his paints again.

Usually when hero patriot Christian inspiration prophet painter Jon McNaughton releases one of his little paintings, we let Doktor Zoom review it. You know, like when he paints "Duck Dynasty" riding on Donald Trump's muscular back while they do sexual anger tangos with Robert Mueller, to show him who's boss. Or when he paints Donald Trump wearing regular-sized man pants while he does sexual anger tangos to the American flag. (Are those descriptions of actual Jon McNaughton paintings, or did we mix up descriptions of multiple paintings like somebody who doesn't even respect McNaughton's genius? It's the second thing.)

Hey this painting in this link is a piece of shit too.

Anyway, there is a new release from America's Greatest Artist, and it is McNaughton's favorite presidents cosplaying as the co-stars of some kind of military-themed superhero gay porn or something. It's called "The Magnificent Seven."

See? It's got Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and right there in the middle, Donald, who appears to be treading on a snake.

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Education

Anti-CRT Group Promises Bounty On New Hampshire Teachers Doing Thoughtcrime

Probably won't be getting their checkbooks out soon.

New Hampshire, the state that so loves freedom that its license plates warn you'll be put to death if you don't live free, took a slightly different approach to its ban on teaching "critical race theory" in the state's schools. Where most states have passed probably unconstitutional stand-alone laws banning CRT, the 1619 Project, or any mention of racism that makes white parents complain on Facebook about tyranny, the Granite State folded into a budget bill a somewhat narrower set of restrictions prohibiting state agencies, including schools, from advancing certain bad ideas. Mind you, teachers could still be dragged before a state board and lose their teaching licenses if they're found guilty of violating the rather vague standards.

In July, the New Hampshire Board of Education issued guidelines on what's not allowed to be taught, with some examples of what would still be allowed, too. That's already ahead of many states' laws, which mostly seem aimed at chilling the teaching of anything about race and history, lest a teacher get fired for saying white people imposed Jim Crow. After all, some white people didn't and that's unfair. There's also nothing about the 1619 Project, and for that matter, no mention of "divisive concepts," which frequently are prohibited in the cookie cutter bills banning what Fox News thinks is CRT.

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Guns

Six Colorado High School Students Take Bullets For Gun Freedom

When will this ever end?

Monday afternoon, six teenagers were hanging out at Nome Park in Aurora, Colorado, across the street from their high school. For no reason anyone can yet determine, the teens were shot by gun-toting cowards who drove away after the sneak attack. The students, aged 14 to 18, were hospitalized with what the police describe as non-life-threatening injuries. However, one student required emergency surgery.

Central High School was placed on lockdown while the police secured the perimeter. According to Fox31, sources inside the school said that kids were locked in classrooms and quiet. That's reportedly the protocol for situations like this, and let's all take a moment to thank the Second Amendment for granting us the freedom to have “protocols" for situations like this. It's quite the inheritance we've left our children.

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