Wash State Hillbilly F*cks Terrorize Multiracial Family Who Must Be 'Antifa'
June 05, 2020 11:38 AM
A bunch of gun-toting chucklefucks were all het up by yet another fake social media "warning" about scary Antifa rioters being bused into their community — in this case, Forks, Washington, way up in the (beautiful!) peninsular nothingness of the northwest corner of the state. Yes, also the setting for those beloved Twilight books and movies about sparkly vampires and hunky werewolves. But there was no Twilight sparkle in this story, which was instead an outbreak of paranoia and discord in the tiny town, fueled by Donald Trump's insistence that Antifa is at the heart of all evil.
An area gun dealer warned on Facebook Wednesday he had absolutely rock-solid intel that Antifa was invading, which got folks in the area very worried. And then a multiracial family from Spokane showed up in a school bus, leading to a clusterfuck that was half Get Out and half The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!
<p>When the family stopped by Forks Outfitters to get some camping supplies, things quickly got very stupid and very dangerous, as the <em>Penninsula Daily News</em> <a href="https://www.peninsuladailynews.com/crime/family-harassed-in-forks-after-being-accused-of-being-members-of-antifa/" target="_blank">reports,</a> based on a press release by Clallam Count Sheriff's Sgt. Ed Anderson.</p><blockquote>The family — a husband and wife, their 16-year-old daughter and the husband's mother — were driving a full-size school bus and had prepared to camp off a logging road spur [...] <br><br>[They were] confronted "<span style="background-color: initial;">by seven or eight carloads of people in the grocery store parking lot,"</span> Anderson said they reported to deputies.<br><br>"The people in the parking lot repeatedly asked them if they were Antifa protesters. The family told the people they weren't associated with any such group and were just camping," the press release said.</blockquote><p><em>Seven or eight carloads </em>of assholes grilling the family about their politics. Jesus tittyfucking Christ. </p><p>We'll assume the family, likely being sane people, had little or no freaking idea what "Antifa" even is. Apparently none of the hyped-up patriots in the parking lot gave any thought to the fact that a family of four doesn't exactly fit the profile of Antifa Super Soldiers, even if they were in a bus. Then again, black people in rural Washington, so clearly they had to be terrorists, because who ever heard of non-white people <em>camping?</em> It's as unlikely as a <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/central-park-racist-lady-very-sorry-for-being-central-park-racist-lady-we-bet" target="_blank">black bird watcher!</a> </p><p>The family had to "drive their bus around vehicles in the parking lot" to get back on Highway 101, but as they drove toward the logging road where they planned to set up camp, they noticed they were being followed by at least four other vehicles, two of which "had people in them carrying what appeared to be semi-automatic rifles." We bet whatever the bus's radio might have been playing, it all sounded like "Dueling Banjos."</p><p>Once they reached the logging spur road, the family started setting up camp, but they heard what sounded like shots and the sound of chainsaws, and packed up camp to leave — only then realizing their exit had been blocked by a bunch of trees across the road. Let us pause here to once again say, holy fuck. We repeat, holy goddamn fuck. </p><p>And yes, some asshole took a photo and it ended up on Facebook, as local writer and activist Matthew Randazzo <a href="https://twitter.com/RandazzoTweets/status/1268608526491910145" target="_blank">documented</a> on Twitter. We've blurred names because we're not monsters and maybe the person passing on the photo wasn't involved and only copied it from elsewhere.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image">
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzM3NDkzMS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMDkyMDg4Nn0.0z5MSPlgMpJQtR_x5R1m1SEQ8Sl3FEH1A_mM4ND8UXc/img.jpg?width=980" id="8467f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7aa9553b84d04b40c2cd3167f7480b5e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image">
</p><p>There's a nightmare. </p><p>Fortunately, the saga has a happy-ish ending: Four teenagers arrived on the scene, called the sheriff's office, and used their own chainsaw to clear the road. It has not yet been determined whether they were hunky werewolves or sparkly vampires, or possibly just decent kids who are, unlike the idiots with guns, not monsters at all. Sheriff's deputies interviewed the family and provided them an escort out of town, and the assholes on social media <a href="https://twitter.com/RandazzoTweets/status/1268758174137380864" target="_blank">declared victory</a> over communism. </p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image">
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzM3NDk2NS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDg3OTk2Mn0.nXAAqr2ZMi-ca4motBd0wdT6eKjnwzN1h_Fskdc1OOc/img.jpg?width=980" id="828dc" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9a67d2a03358d1115d097b618dfdc9af" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image">
<small class="image-media media-photo-credit" placeholder="Add Photo Credit...">Image edited to combine portions of two screenshots</small></p><p><br></p><p>The sheriff's office is investigating the incident, and should probably be talking to a lot of people on Facebook. The family has not been identified, but should probably be looking to sell the movie rights. </p><p>[<a href="https://www.peninsuladailynews.com/crime/family-harassed-in-forks-after-being-accused-of-being-members-of-antifa/" target="_blank">Peninsula Daily News</a> / <a href="https://twitter.com/RandazzoTweets/status/1268608526491910145" target="_blank">Matthew Randazzo</a> on Twitter]</p><p>Yr Wonkette is supported entirely by your donations. Help us stay AD FREE with a donation! No guns, please. </p><p></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.</p><p></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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Joe Biden Did A Gaffe, Oh Wait No He Didn't, GET HIM ANYWAY, NEW YORK TIMES!
Same shit, different election year.
Oh no, lamentations, teardrops and fiddlesticks, Joe Biden made a gaffe with his gaffe machine, which is his mouth. Now you might be worried and shouting out "Wonkette!" because you call out to us like that when you are worried. "Wonkette! What did Joe Biden say? Did he somehow seem to suggest George Floyd is probably having a celebration in Heaven today because of a really tremendous jobs report?"
No, that was Donald Trump.
Joe Biden just said some people suck, but not even as many as Hillary Clinton said, when she said half of Trump's supporters are a "basket of deplorables," which was a severe misunderestimationism on her part. Because you see, according to our back of the napkin math, about 62.9 million people voted for Trump, as opposed to 65.8 million, almost three million more for Hillary Clinton. So if you divide Trump's small number of voters in half and put that half in the basket of deplorables, you get 31.45 million people who suck.
Meanwhile Joe Biden! Well, we will let the New York Times tell you, because the Times is like "OMG! We are for shocked and appalled! This is almost as bad as the time Hillary Clinton had a Hotmail and Joe Biden had a son named Hunter! Maybe we should get Tom Cotton to write an op-ed about sending the troops to declare wars on Joe Biden!"
OH MAN HE DUN IT THIS TIME.