This Sunday, Quebec Cite! Voulez Vous Fete Avec Moi, Wonkette?

Hola amigos of Quebec City! Or hola a week and a half from now, when Shy and I will be in you!

Please join us Sunday, Nov. 27, from let us say 3 to 6 p.m., when we shall host you for sardines apparently and cocktails at Sacrilege Bar de Quartier, which only makes me think of this:

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Wholesome American Guts: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2022

Yr Wonkette began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs and Gus Van Sant back in 2006, and like any tradition, we're wondering if it's time to rethink it. There's much to love about the poem itself, with its bitter, cantankerous undermining of American "greatness." But as several readers have noted, especially in recent years, should we be celebrating art by an artist who committed a horrible crime — shooting and killing Joan Vollmer in 1951 in Mexico City, then fleeing to the US to escape prosecution? Even if you accept Burroughs's contention that it was a horrific drunken accident, it's still horrific.

These questions come to mind on a day of thanks that was preceded by a mass shooting at an LGBTQ+ bar in Colorado Springs, and then by a Virginia Walmart manager 's murder of six store employees ranging in age from 16 to 70. We're writing this Wednesday morning; if there's another mass shooting before morning, we'll update the post. (Four teenagers in Philadelphia were shot as they were leaving school Wednesday, they suffered non-life-threatening wounds.)

One of the things that we like about the poem is that it's an indictment of American self-celebration. But the guy who wrote it escaped justice himself — a Mexican court convicted Burroughs of homicide in absentia, but he was given a two-year suspended sentence.

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(PSSST *Grandma* Wonkette's Pineapple Orange Cranberry Sauce Is Better, Actually)


For years now — seven at least, suckers — we have been making Aunt Wonkette's Real Cranberry Business. It's great! (Needs more sugar. Not Oprah-level four damn cups, but one would be nice.) But last year, we did not do that. We wanted pineapple, which we almost always have on hand ever since your comrade Vegan & Peeara or whatever she is named these days told us while we visited her in Charleston that pineapples are symbols of hospitality.

So fuck it, we did it live!

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Serious Media Real Mad Joe Biden’s Granddaughter Got Married Without Them

President Joe Biden’s granddaughter Naomi Biden got married this weekend. You might recall her from when she conclusively proved that GOP Sen. Marco Rubio was less intelligent than the average fifth grader.

The wedding was held at the White House, where Joe Biden lives. It’s a reasonable perk, considering Donald Trump used the White House for campaign events, including the Republican National Convention.

Naomi Biden, 28, married Peter Neal, 25, on the White House South Lawn Saturday. She looked lovely in a custom Ralph Lauren Collection gown made of Chantilly lace. According to People magazine, "the design features hand-placed organza petals along the bodice and cascading into the skirt. She paired the dress with a cathedral-length veil made of silk organza with a custom Chantilly lace border and embroidered detailing and Tiffany & Co. jewels.” Peter Neal wore a nice suit.

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fox news

Joe​ Biden Ruins War On Christmas For Fox News

What a Scrooge!

This silliest of seasons is here at last! Ever year at this time, Fox News begins its whine-soaked coverage of the imaginary War on Christmas. The metaphorical shots are fired as soon as a retail employee says "Happy Holidays!" at 4 a.m. on Black Friday or Starbucks serves coffee out of red-and-green cups without overtly wintry designs and inspirational quotes. Nothing is too small to blow out of proportion! Somewhere, there’s a gender non-conforming Santa who’s a bit too jolly for “Fox & Friends.” Let’s not forget all the ways Black people ruin Christmas with our Marxist protests and R&B Santas.


Fox News Presents Holiday Classic 'How The Black Lives Matter Stole Christmas’

'Fox & Friends' So Mad Liberals Murdering Baby Jesus Again, ON HIS BIRTHDAY

Seems Like The War On Christmas Starts Earlier Every Year!

Fox News' Megyn Kelly OK With Inclusiveness But Santa And Jesus Are Definitely White

This year, though, they seem off their tiresome game. Maybe it’s the lump of coal Santa left them instead of a Republican Red Wave. Regardless, the less-pleasant Grinches at Fox News are now complaining that President Joe Biden is too full of the Christmas spirit.

Monday, Laura Ingraham, the ghost of segregated Christmases past, said the Bidens had “jumped the gun on Christmas” by having the White House tree delivered before Thanksgiving. This was the same day as Fox News’s own “all-American Christmas tree lighting.” (There’s rarely anything about tree lighting to justify the jingoism. It’s not as if the ornaments are made from recycled Bud Light cans.)

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Perfect Thanksgiving movies, aqui!

Achtung achtung, Ziggy informs me you are having a DOUBLE FEATURE! You will be watching together Galaxy Quest, at 9 p.m. Eastern and 6 p.m. Pacific! Then apparently some of you will still be awake (???) to watch Ghostbusters at 11! PM! Eastern!!!

Good lord in heaven that is so late.

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Weekly Top Ten

Wonkette’s Top Ten Stories Are Singing The Left Side Of The Menu

Happy MST3K Weekend to all who celebrate!

This week’s Top Ten only includes stories published through Tuesday because it was just Thanksgiving so why are we explaining ourselves to you.

When I was still single, I’d spend Thanksgiving watching reruns of "Mystery Science Theater 3000.” Now, I restrict myself to a couple favorite episodes spread over the long weekend, but I always make a point of watching The Leech Woman and randomly shouting, “JED!”

You’re welcome to join me at the link below. Fill the comments with some of your own riffs. It’s a party!

Oh, and here is our abbreviated Top 10!

10. Brittney Griner Headed To Russian Penal Colony, Maybe One Where Kittens Aren’t Tortured In Front Of Her

9. House Republicans Ain't Investigatin' Stolen Trump Docs, What Part Of Hunter Baaah-den You Ain't Get?

8. Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, Brandy Alexander!

7. Virginia Deletes Martin Luther King Jr. From History Standards, But It Was An ACCIDENT!

6. Marjorie Taylor Greene Gives Putin Preview Of What It's Gonna Be Like Come January

5. Surprise, Tucker Using Colorado Springs Gay Club Massacre As Excuse To Incite More Anti-LGBT Hatred

4. Democrat Kris Mayes Just A Recount Away From Clobbering Trumpy Republican In AZ AG Election

3. Trump, MTG And Bannon All Seem Very Confused About This Special Counsel Thing

2. Election Conspiracy Theorists Insist Dems Even Stole The Elections They Lost

1. Herschel Walker Just Wondering Why Raphael Warnock Canceled Archie Bunker

Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter if it still exists.

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