Your Boyfriend Hot Miles Is 'Anonymous,' And Now You Must Dump Him

Well well well. Well well well well well. WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL.

George Conway tweeted this thing earlier about how he had just talked to Anonymous, who wrote that article and book about how they were part of the resistance inside the Trump administration that was totally curbing Trump's "worst" instincts. "Ugh," we thought, "if we are about to find out it was Kellyanne this whole time, then fuck Anonymous."

It wasn't Kellyanne. It was your boyfriend Miles Taylor, the former Trump Department of Homeland Security chief of staff who resigned and then started spilling alllllllll the tea about what Trump is really like. It was him the whole time. Now he's just Miles, and we don't have to call him "Anonymous" anymore. Got it? He has a name, you guys, OK?

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Mad Old Flynn Judge Emmet Sullivan Tells Postmaster General To Go Cut Him A Switch

With less than a week to go until Election Day, DC Circuit Judge Emmet Sullivan — whom you may remember as the judge who doesn't suffer fools gladly from the Michael Flynn case — granted an emergency motion by plaintiffs in a vote-by-mail lawsuit. Sullivan ordered the US Postal Service to absolutely positively do everything in its power to deliver ballots in time to meet states' Election Day deadlines. Multiple federal judges, including Sullivan in a separate case, have already ordered the USPS to rescind the "restructuring" rules that Donald Trump's pet Postmaster General Louis DeJoy put in place during the summer, which had caused mail slowdowns, sometimes by weeks.

Sullivan's latest, very specific order is more of a red sharpie underlining those previous orders, with "SEE ME IMMEDIATELY" in the margins.

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RUDY! GIULIANI! WILL! NOT! HAVE! KENNEDY! DEFAME! HIM! LIKE! THIS! ON! FOX! BUSINESS! HE! IS! SO! MAD! NOW!

We know, we know, we just finished saying nobody gives a fuck about Hunter Biden and we're not writing about him anymore. We said that about Hillary Clinton's emails too, and that story, stupid as it was, had one thousand times more credibility than this imaginary Hunter Biden laptop Rudy Giuliani found in an unmarked Russian van down by the (Volga) river, or Delaware, or something.

But this Rudy Giuliani interview on Fox Business with Kennedy, the former MTV VJ who now does a job with less journalistic credibility than "MTV VJ," is the funniest thing we have seen all week, and Rudy Giuliani is so mad at her now.

We're going to just spoiler the ending, because Kennedy said Giuliani is acting like a common Christopher Steele making a DOSSIER, and by Rudy's reaction you would have thought Kennedy had called him a pedophile. (Fun fact: In the interview, Giuliani continually insinuates that Hunter Biden is a pedophile, and then backs off every time he's asked a direct question about it.)

In the real world, Christopher Steele is a highly respected former spy and ally of the United States who compiled intel on Donald Trump, some of which has been verified, some of which appears to be Russian desinformatziya planted to distract from the real stuff, and some that's not been verifiable either way. But on Fox News, if you call somebody a DOSSIER MAKER, you better be ready to take this behind the gym after third period and get beat up! By Rudy Giuliani!

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Trump Traps Thousands Of Freezing Nebraska Supporters In On-The-Nose Metaphor

Donald Trump held another of his huge superspreader picnics at Eppley Airfield outside Omaha, Nebraska, last night. Thousands showed up to wave Trump signs and shout droplets on each other. After the predictable lies about how Joe Biden will make decent white folks live next to Cory Booker and COVID-19 will just go away because it's afraid of Trump's manliness, the Great Man hopped back on Air Force One and flew back to DC.

And then the murders began.

Or at least the freezings began. Thanks to a logistical clusterfuck, thousands of people were stuck standing outside in freezing weather, waiting for buses to pick them up. But most buses couldn't reach the airport rally site because of snarled traffic. That left most of the rally attendees stuck in the cold, miles from the parking lots where they'd left their cars. Omaha Scanner, a local news Twitter feed, reported that at least seven people were taken to hospitals for hypothermia. It was, by all accounts, a confusing, frozen mess:

He was at least supposed to keep the buses running on time.

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popular

Can't Click A Wonkette Link? We Know. It's Your Adblocker.

Motherfucking bitchsons.

Go into the guts of it, mark us as a trusted site, refresh again and VIOLA. And then, if you don't mind, "report problem" to the adblocker that has us as an ad WHEN WE AINT EVEN GOT NONE ADS.

So pissed. We love you.

Journamalism

Wonkette Resigns From Wonkette For All This Wonkette Censorship Of Wonkette By Wonkette

JUST TRICKING! It was Glenn Greenwald resigned from The Intercept what won't let him run Giuliani's 'Hunter Biden's laptop' disinfo!

Would you like to read 900,000 whine words by Glenn Greenwald about what a cuck the outlet he cofounded, The Intercept, is for being respectable center-Left cucks that might as well be Mother Jones and are also cucks? (He didn't say cucks. That'll happen tomorrow.) You WOULDN'T?

Smart move. It's terrible. Which is to say, it's no different than everything else the One True Journalist has written in the past decade, ever since he stopped writing about how we should go to war in Iraq and also about how we should stop pointing out that Tom Tancredo and other anti-immigrant buffoons like him were very, very racist.

My goodness, it's almost as if the guy who ...

... it's almost as if THAT GUY wasn't actually more progressive than everyone else who ever lived this whole entire time.

Man, that was a lot of bullet points. Anyway, it looks like he's no longer faking it.

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fox news

UPS Found Tucker's Missing Package. Haha, We Said 'Tucker's Missing Package'

In other news, that idiot used UPS.

BREAKING IMPORTANT UPDATE ON STORY OF TUCKER CARLSON'S MISSING PACKAGE OF COMPLETELY TRUE BOMBSHELL DOCUMENTS ABOUT HUNTER BIDEN OF WHICH THERE IS ONLY ONE COPY.

UPS found it. It wasn't taken by the Deep State or Hillary Clinton or George Soros or any of their operatives. It was not seized. It was not a conspiracy theory.

"After an extensive search, we have found the contents of the package and are arranging for its return," the spokesman said. "UPS will always focus first on our customers, and will never stop working to solve issues and make things right."

Those idiots used UPS. You don't use UPS for things like completely true bombshell documents about Hunter Biden of which there is only one copy.

Amateurs.

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