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Liz Cheney Knows Who's Really Murdering The Kurds, And It Is DAMN YOU ADAM SCHIFF!

Oh thank goodness, GOP Rep. Liz Cheney has figured out how to love Donald Trump and be a lying asshole at the same time again. Cheney was one of the 99 percent of Republicans who showed a remarkable ability to think for themselves for about five seconds, after Donald Trump got on the phone with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan and said it would be cool with him if Turkey decided to massacre our allies the Kurds. The Turkish invasion has of course led to predictable war crimes, including Turkey OOPSIE attacking American special forces in Syria.

But Cheney's figured out the real culprit in all the genocide, and it is Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi and whoever else is currently in the process of impeaching Donald Trump because he is a criminal. AYUP. She explained this on "Fox & Friends," because where else would she explain it?

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How Dare You Say We Showed The Fake Trump Murder Spree Video, Says Trump Conference That Showed The Fake Trump Murder Spree Video

Visitors to a pro-Trump conference at Donald Trump's Miami resort last week were treated to a super-violent video featuring a fake Donald Trump shooting his way through a "Church of Fake News" filled with figures digitally altered to represent Trump's enemies. In the video, lifted from the movie Kingsman: The Secret Service, the fake Trump is seen gleefully shooting, stabbing, and otherwise slaughtering baddies whose faces have been replaced with various evil liberals, news outlet logos, or just labels for things good Americans hate and want to die, like "Black Lives Matter" or "fake news." The New York Times broke the story Sunday afternoon after an attendee of the three-day "American Priority Conference," aka AMPFest, got cell phone video of the clip to a Times reporter.

Featured speakers at the conference, held at Trump National Doral Miami, included Trumpworld luminaries Donnie Jr. and Sarah Huckabee Sanders, plus all sorts of top-flight wingnuts like Rep. Matt Gaetz, Dinesh D'Souza, Charlie Kirk, and Dana Loesch. Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis was also supposed to appear. Sanders and a flack for Junior told the Times neither had seen the video. Organizers of the conference are busily backing away from the video, because heavens, supporters of the guy who fantasizes about shooting undocumented immigrants, or at least impaling them on spikes, would never condone violent imagery.

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Hero Local Reporter Kicks Mike Pompeo In The Nards

Stop what you are doing, everyone, and please give a standing ovation to news reporter Nancy Amons from WSMV in Nashville, who just gave a class in Reporting, How Does THAT Work.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo thought he was in town to talk about "religious freedom," which is a subject he VERY LIKES, because of how he's been assembling the worst American fundamentalists to be on his so-called "religious freedom" commission, which is just "Handmaid's Tale" shit packaged in vaguely more intellectual language. Amons decided to do journalism instead, and the man best known as a heat-seeking missile for Donald Trump's ass turned into a heat-seeking missile for the nearest exit.

More like this, please! Journalists who work at the White House should pay particular attention!

Pompeo is, of course, under fire for turning the State Department into Rudy Giuliani's House Of Ukrainian Giggle-gasms, as Giuliani conducts crime diplomacy to help Donald Trump's re-election. Oh yes, and Pompeo was also a firsthand witness on Trump's crime call with the Ukrainian president. Surprise, Amons wanted to talk about all that.

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Sondland Opts For The 'I'm An Idiot, And So Are You' Defense

Ambassador to the EU Gordon Sondland has A PLAN. It's not a very good plan. In fact, it's downright idiotic. But nonetheless the guy who spent the summer running point on Ukraine for the White House has worked out what he's going to say to the congressional impeachment committees when he testifies this coming Thursday.

He'll take his oath, look those politicians in the eye, and tell them I NEVER NOHOW REALIZED THAT INVESTIGATING BURISMA MEANT INVESTIGATING JOE BIDEN. AND YEAH I KNEW THAT DONALD TRUMP WAS WITHHOLDING AID AT THE SAME TIME HE WAS INSISTING ON THE INVESTIGATION, BUT I HAD NO IDEA THOSE TWO THINGS MIGHT BE RELATED.

Toldja it was a stupid plan.

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News

WaPo Says Mike Pence Has A Gay Friend. CASE CLOSED!

He doesn't personally hate gays. It's just for politics, so isn't that nice?

The Washington Post would like to dispel a few "myths" about Vice President Mike Pence, who may have played a far-right Christianist bigot on TV and in Congress and as governor of Indiana and as Donald Trump's third or fourth favorite piece of furniture, but he's actually a lot more complex than that. Or so says an op-ed by Tom LoBianco, author of the recently published Pence bio, Piety & Power: Mike Pence and the Taking of the White House. But don't worry, Mr. LoBianco's piece debunking these five "myths" doesn't really debunk much of anything, and it certainly doesn't paint Mike Pence in an especially flattering light, either. All in all, it's just kind of a silly frame on which to hang a book promotion. But maybe someone will buy a copy of the bio in the deal?

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Media/Entertainment

If A Woman Wins A Nobel Prize Without A Peener, Does It Make A Sound?

Our Top Five sexist headlines that reduce women to their husband's plus one.

Abhijit Banerjee and Esther Duflo from MIT won the Nobel Prize in economics today "for their experimental approach to alleviating global poverty." The married couple will share the honor with Michael Kremer from safety school Harvard. The Economic Times announced the news in a headline from 1953.

Twitter

Yep, the Economic Times gave Duflo the "and the rest" treatment. The article didn't even use a photo of both her and Banerjee. They've been married since 2015. There's at least one photo of them together. Duflo is the youngest person and only the second woman to win the Nobel Prize in economics. She was offered tenure at both Princeton and Yale when she was just 30. Duflo's more than just some guy's wife. This isn't Of Mice and Men.

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Ukraine

ICYMI: Rudy's F*cked

Wonkette encourages Giuliani to keep talking a lot, because that always works out well for everyone.

Wonkers, we almost forgot to pop champagne and get drunk with you during the daytime hours! This weekend, which already seems like many moons ago, the New York Times confirmed what the news had been hinting at ever since the Southern District of New York (SDNY) did LOCK HER UPS to Rudy Giuliani's best Chucklefuck pals, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman: that yes, Margaret, there is a God, and Rudy Giuliani is definitely under investigation by the SDNY, which he used to be the boss of.

Federal prosecutors in Manhattan are investigating whether President Trump's personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani broke lobbying laws in his dealings in Ukraine, according to two people familiar with the inquiry.

The investigators are examining Mr. Giuliani's efforts to undermine the American ambassador to Ukraine, Marie L. Yovanovitch, one of the people said. She was recalled in the spring as part of Mr. Trump's broader campaign to pressure Ukraine into helping his political prospects.

Don't cross your fingers, because Donald Trump's cheap date version of Roy Cohn is still running the Justice Department and could intervene with SDNY to kill the investigation -- how many bucks do you bet Donald Trump has already illegally tried to interfere, since the news came out? We bet 11 bucks, because that's how many is in our wallet right now -- but we just want you to at least bask in the joy that comes from knowing Rudy Giuliani could be indicted.

LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!

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Military

Trump's Syria-Turkey-Kurd F*ckbungle, Sort Of Explained

Get ready for your peace prize, Mr. President.

Now that Donald Trump has brought his very good brain to the situation in northern Syria, announcing yesterday a complete pullout of the 1,000 US troops there, everything has very rapidly gone -- in foreign policy parlance -- even further to shit. While the US troops in the area haven't actually left yet, because the Turkish military has closed the roads, America's complete abandonment of its Kurdish allies has led the Kurdish forces to suddenly ally themselves with the government of Syrian president Bashar al-Assad, inviting Syrian armed forces back into the area for the first time in years.

Don't worry, it gets even more confusing! The Daily Beast reports today that US forces have been attacking Syrian military units headed to help the Kurds, our allies until last week, in resisting the Turkish incursion into Syria that Trump gave the go-ahead for. It's one of those "the friend of my former friend is my enemy" things.

As the Kurds focus on fighting the Turkish military and Syrian Arab militias allied with Turkey, they've left thousands of ISIS prisoners, and tens of thousands of ISIS family members, unguarded, and the EU is warning ISIS is likely to reconstitute itself as a regional military and terrorist threat. The New York Times reports that before pulling out, the US forces "failed to transfer five dozen 'high value' Islamic State detainees out of the country." Oops!

Ah, and let's not forget the 50 or so nuclear weapons the US has stored at an airbase in Turkey. Maybe Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan is holding them hostage, or maybe the US is working on quietly getting them out.

So yes, the best strategic mind of the new century has definitely made his way into the history books of the future, assuming anyone will be around to write them.

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Trade War

Donald Trump's Very Excellent China Trade Deal Which Does Not Exist

If this guy tells you today is Monday, seek a second opinion.

When it comes to trade deals, the devil is in the details. Coincidentally, the devil is also in Donald Trump, so when he tweeted on Saturday that he'd just reached "by far, the greatest and biggest deal ever made for our Great Patriot Farmers in the history of our Country," the media was skeptical. After all, he promised that a deal with China was on the horizon back in May. In August, he lied about a call from Chinese trade officials who he claimed were desperate to get back to the negotiating table. And then again in December he claimed to have a deal in pocket only to see it vanish into thin air.

So naturally news outlets wised up this time and insisted on seeing the plan before they ran with a story congratulating President Arty McDeals on another flawless victory.

LOL, JUST KIDDING.

Screenshot: New York Times

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WARBLOGGING

Liz Cheney Knows Who's Really Murdering The Kurds, And It Is DAMN YOU ADAM SCHIFF!

CHRIST, what an asshole.

Oh thank goodness, GOP Rep. Liz Cheney has figured out how to love Donald Trump and be a lying asshole at the same time again. Cheney was one of the 99 percent of Republicans who showed a remarkable ability to think for themselves for about five seconds, after Donald Trump got on the phone with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan and said it would be cool with him if Turkey decided to massacre our allies the Kurds. The Turkish invasion has of course led to predictable war crimes, including Turkey OOPSIE attacking American special forces in Syria.

But Cheney's figured out the real culprit in all the genocide, and it is Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi and whoever else is currently in the process of impeaching Donald Trump because he is a criminal. AYUP. She explained this on "Fox & Friends," because where else would she explain it?

Keep reading... Show less
Culture Wars

Bill Barr Will Defend Religious Bigots From Heathens Who Want To Mind Their Own Business

OK, maybe he is just as bad as Jeff Sessions.

Bill Barr, attorney general and Donald Trump's consigliere, spoke to law students at Notre Dame Friday. He did not discuss actual law or even list his top 10 episodes of "Law & Order." Instead, he yelled at clouds about "religious freedom," which Christian zealots define as their Zuul-given right to impose their bigoted beliefs on everyone else.

Barr said that in the 20th Century, America defeated the forces of fascism and communism, but apparently America's true enemy in this century are people who don't handle snakes.

BARR: Modern secularists dismiss this idea of morality as sort of otherworldly superstition imposed by killjoy clergy. But, in fact, Judeo-Christian standards are the ultimate utilitarian rules for human conduct.

Jesus Christ, what an awful pair of sentences! Barr is preaching Christian supremacy, which is not "religious freedom" because there are other religions in the world. Some are even on Google. As a baby-eating secularist myself, I don't "dismiss the idea of morality." I just believe that morality can exist without the threat of eternal damnation or the ritualistic hiding of eggs every spring.

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Culture Wars

How Dare You Say We Showed The Fake Trump Murder Spree Video, Says Trump Conference That Showed The Fake Trump Murder Spree Video

Triumph of the ill.

Visitors to a pro-Trump conference at Donald Trump's Miami resort last week were treated to a super-violent video featuring a fake Donald Trump shooting his way through a "Church of Fake News" filled with figures digitally altered to represent Trump's enemies. In the video, lifted from the movie Kingsman: The Secret Service, the fake Trump is seen gleefully shooting, stabbing, and otherwise slaughtering baddies whose faces have been replaced with various evil liberals, news outlet logos, or just labels for things good Americans hate and want to die, like "Black Lives Matter" or "fake news." The New York Times broke the story Sunday afternoon after an attendee of the three-day "American Priority Conference," aka AMPFest, got cell phone video of the clip to a Times reporter.

Featured speakers at the conference, held at Trump National Doral Miami, included Trumpworld luminaries Donnie Jr. and Sarah Huckabee Sanders, plus all sorts of top-flight wingnuts like Rep. Matt Gaetz, Dinesh D'Souza, Charlie Kirk, and Dana Loesch. Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis was also supposed to appear. Sanders and a flack for Junior told the Times neither had seen the video. Organizers of the conference are busily backing away from the video, because heavens, supporters of the guy who fantasizes about shooting undocumented immigrants, or at least impaling them on spikes, would never condone violent imagery.

Keep reading... Show less
US of America News

Hero Local Reporter Kicks Mike Pompeo In The Nards

MORE LIKE THIS, PLEASE, like they say on the internet.

Stop what you are doing, everyone, and please give a standing ovation to news reporter Nancy Amons from WSMV in Nashville, who just gave a class in Reporting, How Does THAT Work.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo thought he was in town to talk about "religious freedom," which is a subject he VERY LIKES, because of how he's been assembling the worst American fundamentalists to be on his so-called "religious freedom" commission, which is just "Handmaid's Tale" shit packaged in vaguely more intellectual language. Amons decided to do journalism instead, and the man best known as a heat-seeking missile for Donald Trump's ass turned into a heat-seeking missile for the nearest exit.

More like this, please! Journalists who work at the White House should pay particular attention!

Pompeo is, of course, under fire for turning the State Department into Rudy Giuliani's House Of Ukrainian Giggle-gasms, as Giuliani conducts crime diplomacy to help Donald Trump's re-election. Oh yes, and Pompeo was also a firsthand witness on Trump's crime call with the Ukrainian president. Surprise, Amons wanted to talk about all that.

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foreign policy

'Thoughts And Prayers' To Our Kurdish Allies

It's your Sunday Show Rundown.

Between Donald Trump giving Turkey the go-ahead to invade Northern Syria and Rudy Giuliani and his League of Extraordinary Dipshits, it's been a really long week marked by a total lack of integrity.

Let's begin with a returning guest to this column but in a different format: Kellyanne Conway, appearing with her trademark dishonesty on Maria Bartiromos' Fox News safe space, "Sunday Morning Futures." Conway attacked Joe Biden for his son's foreign business ties after Hunter Biden announced (belated!) plans to step down from the board of a Chinese private equity firm:

CONWAY: Yes, well, he should have done this quite a while ago. In fact, he probably shouldn't have been on the board to begin with. He hitched a ride on Air Force Two with the vice president of the United States, also his father at that time, came back with sweetheart deals, and I am really disappointed in so many members of the mainstream media stretching their necks to defend Hunter Biden, saying -- and we must say that there's no -- there's no wrongdoing here, nothing illegal. […] This is a part of how Donald Trump won in the first place, saying that we're going to get rid of these sweetheart deals, we're going to make sure that we clean up the -- the axis of power in a place like Washington, D.C., where someone like Hunter Biden can get a $50,000 a month retainer for a Ukrainian energy company when everybody knows that he doesn't have that skill set.

Conway also decided to preview the next set of attacks against Elizabeth Warren (and the Democratic Party) if Biden continues falling in the polls:

CONWAY: I do think it's funny that in a party that says "we're woke" and "we're going to be transformational," they're not backing the African-American woman, they're not backing the African-American man, they're not - - they're not backing the gay man, the mayor, you know? We're going to have people who are different as our -- they could do that. Those are Democratic primary voters, and they've got the -- the three white people at the top of the polls.

Now the level of dishonesty and lack of self-awareness form Conway is astonishing. From Ivanka's Chinese trademarks to Don Jr. and Eric gallivanting through foreign countries for deals to Jared Kushner's unqualified ass being in charge of Middle East peace to Trump himself having foreign leaders at his resorts (not to mention his towers in Turkey, which are causing some questions right now), Conway's charge of nepotism and the impropriety is laughable. The idea that the most discriminatory and least diverse administration would lecture Dems on diversity or race is mind-boggling. Take a look:

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Impeachment

Sondland Opts For The 'I'm An Idiot, And So Are You' Defense

It's a bold move, Cotton!

Ambassador to the EU Gordon Sondland has A PLAN. It's not a very good plan. In fact, it's downright idiotic. But nonetheless the guy who spent the summer running point on Ukraine for the White House has worked out what he's going to say to the congressional impeachment committees when he testifies this coming Thursday.

He'll take his oath, look those politicians in the eye, and tell them I NEVER NOHOW REALIZED THAT INVESTIGATING BURISMA MEANT INVESTIGATING JOE BIDEN. AND YEAH I KNEW THAT DONALD TRUMP WAS WITHHOLDING AID AT THE SAME TIME HE WAS INSISTING ON THE INVESTIGATION, BUT I HAD NO IDEA THOSE TWO THINGS MIGHT BE RELATED.

Toldja it was a stupid plan.

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popular

With Friends Like These. Wonkagenda For Mon., Oct. 14, 2019

Syrian shitshow, Trump train derails, and Gowdy goes bye-bye. Your morning news brief!

Good morning, and happy indigenous peoples day, Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Nice Time

Stretch Out And Enjoy Some Nice Things!

We've got a Wonkette Book Club Update, and a whole bunch of goofy dogs and cats.

Remember when the awful news of our Worst Timeline Ever at least slowed down a little on the weekend? No, neither do we. That's why we have this Sunday Nice Things column, to remind you to put the brakes on and take a breather for just a few minutes. Whew. Have a cup of the relaxation beverage of your choice, put on some nice calming music, like maybe some Death Metal, and as the cow philosopher reminded us, don't forget to stop and eat the roses.


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Military

Sorry, We Need To Cover The War Crimes Today

Completely foreseeable consequences.

Donald Trump gave the green light to Turkey's invasion of northern Syria last week, and now we're getting reports of war crimes committed by the Syrian Arab militias Turkey has been using to supplement Turkish military attacks on Kurdish-held areas. Among those killed were female Kurdish politician Hevrin Khalaf, who was among nine civilians killed Saturday.

The Guardian reports:

Khalaf, 35, was "taken out of her car during a Turkish-backed attack and executed by Turkish-backed mercenary factions", the political arm of the Kurdish-led Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF) said in a statement. "This is a clear evidence that the Turkish state is continuing its criminal policy towards unarmed civilians."

Khalaf was the secretary general of the Future Syria party. Mutlu Civiroglu, a specialist in Kurdish politics, described her death as a "great loss".

"She had a talent for diplomacy, she used to always take part in meetings with the Americans, the French, the foreign delegations," he said.

We should let you know in advance that there's going to be some disturbing stuff here about what Donald Trump set in motion without giving it a lot of thought, so you may want to stick to today's open thread if you'd rather not read it. God knows we'd rather not write it, but it has to be talked about. We won't include any graphic imagery, but we should warn you that stories we link to may.

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Featured

These Are Just Some Really Good Jams About How The Earth Is Flat And Gravity Is Not Real

Also this is your open thread!

Oh boy, do I ever have a treat for all of you today!

Yesterday, as I was researching a completely unrelated thing, I stumbled upon a beautiful wealth of incredible songs about how the earth is flat and gravity is not real — so I obviously had to stop what I was doing and listen to all of them. And because I am very generous, I have decided to share my treasures with you all today. Sure, some of them are like two years old, but they are new to us and that is what matters.

Let's get to it!

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Trump

Four Different Federal Courts Told Trump to Go F*ck Himself Yesterday

YAY!

Yesterday, in federal courts from DC and New York to Texas and California, Trump got his ass handed to him.

That's right. In issues ranging from Trump's tax returns to screwing over immigrants and building his racist wall, federal judges around the country said "Fuck no" and put the kibosh on some of this fuckery. And since a Trump loss is basically always a win for humanity, let's put on our dancing shoes and celebrate these Nice Times!

Giphy

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