Can Somebody Please Find Trump Idiot Michael Caputo's Pacifier?

Oh boy, the performative bullshit victim complex thing among Trump idiots is fierce right now.

Just last week, Fox News moron Greg Gutfeld told the camera very seriously that he is afraid for his life, because of how he is going to get personally murdered if Joe Biden doesn't become president and all the crazed antifa Democrats will take to the streets to personally murder Greg Gutfeld. Or something. Never mind that most Democrats have zero fucking clue who Greg Gutfeld is, and if you said "One of the white idiots on Fox News," they'd just say "Oh, who can even tell them apart. Is he one of the rapey-looking ones on the morning show?" "No, he's another one." "Oh, who can even tell those people apart."

Point is, Gutfeld WASN'T joking and he WASN'T being hyperbolic, because people told him THERE WILL BE BLOOD if Biden loses. (Projection!) And Greg Gutfeld believes Greg Gutfeld is going to be a casualty of all this, because of how he is very important. (Wishful thinking!)

Now we've got dispatches from Trump administration loser idiot Michael Caputo, the Roger Stone buddy who was all the fuck over the Russia scandal, and who has now failed sideways into a role as the chief spokesliar for Trump's Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), even though he has zero background in "medicine" or "healthcare."

The New York Times reports on Caputo's (allegedly!) drunk Sunday Facebooking:

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No, They Did Not 'Legalize Pedophilia' In California

For weeks, rightwingers have been clasping at their pearls and crying out that California was about to legalize pedophilia — a statement so ridiculous that even I didn't bother to look into what they were on about.

But it's gone so far that even Laura Ingraham tweeted about it last night, claiming California was on its way to treating pedophilia as a protected lifestyle, and that if Joe Biden becomes president, it could spread across the whole entire United States.

This has been something the Right has been insisting would happen since forever, arguing it was a slippery slope from gay marriage to legalized pedophilia. Why? Because they didn't want gay people to get married. Now they're claiming it's coming to pass and that Joe Biden will lead the way. Right.

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Bill Barr's 'Investigate The Investigators' Obamagate Drug Deal Just Lost Its Lead Investigator

In case we hadn't all grokked that Bill Barr's pal US Attorney John Durham is cooking up some hinky shit for an October surprise, the Hartford Courant reported Friday that Durham's lead investigator Nora Dannehy just noped out rather than be associated with a political hit job.

Federal prosecutor Nora Dannehy, a top aide to U.S. Attorney John H. Durham in his Russia investigation, has quietly resigned from the U.S. Justice Department probe - at least partly out of concern that the investigative team is being pressed for political reasons to produce a report before its work is done, colleagues said.

Last year Durham recruited Dannehy, a Justice Department alum who managed politically sensitive investigations for both the Bush and Obama administrations, to run the investigation. As the New York Times points out, in 2010 Dannehy authored a report saying that, "[P]ressuring a prosecutor to indict a case more quickly to affect the outcome of an upcoming election could be a corrupt attempt to influence the prosecution in violation of the obstruction of justice statute. The same reasoning could apply to pressuring a prosecutor to take partisan political considerations into account in his charging decisions."

And now she's leaving, before the job is done, without even the fig leaf of excusing herself to spend more time with the family while thanking Holy Father Trump for the privilege of allowing her to serve. Something's rotten in the state of Connecticut!

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Journamalism

Wonkette STICK TO SPORTS!

New posts below!

Yestertoday, as I was compiling this morning's tabs, I ran across Defector's new WELCOME HOME to themselves. Then I spent about two hours reading their riveting old Deadspin reporting on The Maven absolutely boning Sports Illustrated, and not at all in that way we like. I have an unvested interest in all writing about The Maven: I almost once, like a very stupid idiot, let them take over Wonkette.

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Russia

Senate's Dumbest Republican Schedules Russian Attack On Election For 'In About A Week'

Because that chicken ain't gonna fuck itself.

Ron Johnson is saying the quiet part loud again.

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports that Johnson, on a call with reporters, said that his Senate Homeland Security Committee would at long last be releasing the carefully timed results of its fake, Kremlin-inspired investigation into Joe Biden's NEFARIOUS BEHAVIORS in Ukraine "in about a week." You know, because of how it is a totally serious investigation into a totally real thing, and not at all a wackass attack on Biden for the president Johnson serves with such devotion:

"Stay tuned. In about a week we're going to learn a whole lot more of Vice President Biden's unfitness for office," said Johnson.

STAY TUNED FOR RUSSIAN ATTACK, said Johnson. They don't call him the Senate's Dumbest Republican for nothin'!

You'd think Senator Johnson might give that chicken a break from him fucking it, maybe let the chicken have a snack or something, but no.

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2020 Congressional Elections

GA Sen. David Perdue Might Have To Dump Trump Like A Bad Stock

Polls don’t lie.

This is interesting: Senator David Perdue of Georgia is now billing himself a “bipartisan problem solver." The proof of such a claim is lacking. He's voted in support of Donald Trump's evil schemes about 95 percent of the time, according to FiveThirtyEight, and that's significantly more boot licking than actual problem solving.

Wha' happened? Perdue's Democratic opponent Jon Ossoff is within striking distance in recent polls. He's even pulled ahead in a couple. This is after Perdue went to the trouble of politely reminding voters that Ossoff is Jewish. Cook Political Report rates this race a “Toss-Up," which isn't a great position for an incumbent. It's even worse when you're on the same ballot as Trump, whose approval rating is underwater in the state. C'mon, Trump's favorite movie, Gone with the Wind, is set in Georgia. This is supposed to be Trump country. Unfortunately, the descendants of former enslaved people can vote (mostly) and they're sick of Trump, whose COVID-19 response has made them sick.

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