Look Away, Kids, The Governor Of Florida Is Shaking His Peener At Mickey Mouse

Yesterday on Newsmax, host Eric Bolling asked the lieutenant governor of Florida if there was an offramp for Disney, essentially saying, if Disney decides to obey the diktats levied by the dumpy red-eyed fascist in the governor's mansion and starts hating LGBTQ kids as he has commanded, might the Happiest Place On Earth be granted clemency by His Holiness?

Sure, said Lt. Gov. Jeanette Nuñez!

The garbage lieutenant governor went on to make bad faith arguments about how it's totally unfair for Disney to be treated "differently compared to others that are in the same industry." Then she lied and said Disney has a "not so secret agenda to indoctrinate our youth," which somehow apparently includes "sexualizing children at a young age." This is how Republicans interpret Disney standing up for its LGBT employees and their families against the new "Don't Say Gay" bill, and defending them against white fundamentalist conservative Christians AKA the real groomers.

YOU HEARD US: One Million Moms Saw Lesbians On TV Again. Wanna Know Why Bigots Like Them Are REALLY So Mad?

Bolling didn't ask Nuñez what the dumpy fuckin' fascist's next move would be if, instead of obeying, Disney told Ron DeSantis to eat Mickey Mouse's ass.

Missed opportunity, we think.

But the Florida House on Thursday went and passed the bill to strip Disney of its special Reedy Creek Improvement District tax status, to punish it for opposing the vicious and vacuous "Don't Say Gay" law, and DeSantis is expected to sign it. He's not expected to take a moment to think this through any time between now and then, because thinking things through is for the woke mob. No, he's drunk on power, like some malformed love child of Helena Bonham Carter's Red Queen and Tweedledum.

As Wonkette explained the other day, the special district — established in 1967, it's about 25,000 acres in Orange and Osceola counties — gives Disney self-governing status and also responsibility over its own municipal services. If this takes effect and isn't tied up in the courts forever — you know, because of how it might not even be legal what the legislature just did — the Reedy Creek district would be dissolved June 1, 2023. (Remember that Florida law says special districts can only be dissolved if the majority of property owners in the district agree and vote on it. Ooh, we wonder how Disney is going to vote!)

SPLAINED: Ron DeSantis Will Stick It To Disney If It Costs Florida Taxpayers A Billion Dollars. Which It Will.

But if the new law did go into effect, it's not even clear Disney would be on the hook for some big new property tax bill, as Democratic Rep. Anna Eskamani has pointed out. As CNBC explains, Disney already pays taxes to both Orange and Osceola counties, as well as to Reedy Creek. Dissolving Reedy Creek means the money Disney pays to it — in essence to itself — just goes away. This is what "independent tax district" means:

Reedy Creek is what’s known as an “independent tax district” meaning the tax revenues it generates are in addition to its local tax obligations, rather than a replacement of them. If the district is eliminated, the tax payments to Orange and Osceola counties would not increase, [Scott Randolph, Orange County tax collector] said.

Even Florida Republicans seem unsure what this law's full implications will be, tax-wise or otherwise. (Sometimes that happens when you hurriedly write laws using the governor's poo as ink and then pass them the same week.) However, what is clear is that local governments will now have to pay for Disneyville's municipal services, and oh yeah, Orange and Osceola counties get to inherit Reedy Creek's $1+ billion in bond debt. As CNBC notes, debt on Reedy Creek's balance sheet isn't a big deal for Disney in the current set-up, because the parks are so profitable. Throwing Reedy Creek's debt to the surrounding counties without the revenue to offset it? Some real Underpants Gnomes shit going on there.

In other words, sorry, Florida taxpayers! The governor is shaking his peener at Florida's largest employer right now! By the way, residents of Orange and Osceola counties, please make out your extra $2,200 in annual taxes to the "Ron DeSantis Shakes Peener At Mickey Mouse, Who's The Groomer Now? Fund."

“No one wants to take that amount of debt up,” Linda Stewart, a Democrat who represents Florida’s 13th Senate district, told CNBC on Wednesday. “None of this makes any sense. They just bit off way more than they can chew by trying to get the Reedy Creek district dissolved ... This is a major, major issue that I don’t think it will be, in the end, very successful.”


“Nothing is going to happen,” said Jason Pizzo, a Democrat who represents the state’s 38th Senate district, during the special session Wednesday. “Everyone in this room knows this is not going to happen. I’m just tired of missing my kid’s baseball games for stuff we know is not going to happen.”

Derp derp.

But look, Ron DeSantis is not actually looking to win against Disney. We really don't think he's losing sleep at night over what specifically happens to Disney. Ron DeSantis wants to establish himself as a legitimate, younger, more fresh-faced authoritarian fascist alternative to old Dementia Grundles down there in Mar-a-Lago for the 2024 presidential race. That is the win he is looking for.

And quite frankly, Republican primary voters are so stupid, and the wingnut propaganda machine is so effective, that literally nothing could come of this bill, and DeSantis would still declare victory and run on how he saved Florida's children from getting sexualized by well-known gay porn company Disney.

The fucked up thing is that it might work.

[CNBC / also CNBC]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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