GOP Terrified Trump Might Get Twitter Back Before Midterms, F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck!

GOP Terrified Trump Might Get Twitter Back Before Midterms, F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck!

If you're not a straight white cis guy and you use Twitter, you have every reason to worry that Elon Musk is unleashing the Nazi trolls on Twitter in the name of "free speech." And if you give a shit about the truth, or about preserving American democracy, you are probably right to worry about what happens next, especially if Musk decides to hand Donald Trump back his fascist Big Lying megaphone.

NAZIS UNLEASHED! RIP Twitter Or Long Live Twitter Or Something Who Knows

But did you know you are not alone in being worried about what happens next? Republicans in DC, they are also very skeered!

Politico Playbook reports this morning that the GOP is totally freaking out behind closed doors right now, worried Musk will indeed let Trump back on, and thereby complete fuck them for the 2022 midterms and the 2024 presidential election. Wouldn't that be sad?

The skinny is that Playbook started texting all the DC Republicans last night like "U up?" (That is how they do journalism, probably.) And, per Playbook, "every single one of them" said they hope to God that Trump "stays the hell away from Twitter, lest he sink their chances at flipping the House and Senate." And they're worried that if Trump runs in 2024, he will shoot himself in the dick if he's allowed on Twitter.

Now, it's important to remember that both Trump and Devin Nunes, CEO of Trump's very successful Truth Social platform, which is so big you can laugh at it from space, say Trump doesn't want to get back on Twitter even if Elon lets him back.

HOW BIG IS IT? As Truth Social Tanks, Devin Nunes Boasts That It's Beating The Pants Off 'Ghost Town' Twitter

It's also important to remember that everybody in the world knows that thirsty loser couldn't last five fucking seconds without blowing his load all over 240 characters if his ban was lifted. That includes all the Republicans Playbook talked to.

“The lure of Twitter … may prove as irresistible for Trump as it is a potential return of a migraine headache for Republicans, who have not missed the tweets and the barrage of questions from the Trump-generated outrage du jour,” said DOUG HEYE, a longtime GOP political strategist watching this closely. “There is no faster way for Trump to be front and center [in] the political conversation than rejoining Twitter, and he knows that.”

He knows it, they all know it.

And apparently they are all like please no please no please no:

“If I’m a Democrat, I’d pray that Elon Musk puts Trump right back on Twitter,” said one House GOP leadership aide, who asked not to be named to speak candidly. “I don’t think it costs Republicans the House, but it certainly will elevate Trump’s opinions — and is going to put Republican candidates and members back having to answer for that.”

The person added: “It’s enough to create headaches — and it’s enough to probably cost us a couple seats.” [...]

“He has the world’s biggest microphone on Twitter,” said one Republican working on GOP campaigns. “He could do a lot of good with it — or bad. It will make every GOP politician's life more difficult.”

Playbook says you might be surprised to hear all these private GOP worries about Trump getting back on Twitter, considering how much Republicans bitch in public about censorship by Big Tech. That's because Playbook is assuming you are dumb and think public Republican bitching is honest or undertaken in good faith. Also remember that new reporting literally just revealed that in the days after Trump's insurrectionist attack on the Capitol, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy wished out loud that Twitter would give some Trump-style bans to his own members who were pushing Trump's Big Lie and fomenting further sedition.

LITERALLY JUST REVEALED! Mitch McConnell And Kevin McCarthy Almost Stood Up For America After Jan. 6, Decided To Be Cowards Instead

But the general gist here is that all the conventional Beltway head-in-ass wisdom says everything is terrible for Democrats now and wonderful for Republicans heading into the midterms. But if Trump comes back to Twitter, it'll be a hell of a lot easier for Democrats to run against him as the leader of the GOP. That could change the equation, bigly.

And oh God, what if Republicans actually do take back Congress and Trump is back on Twitter? Turns out some of 'em are scared of that too, of having to try to do their jobs (haha at notion of Republican congressmen "doing their jobs") while Trump screams at them on the internet.

For more possibilities of this whole Elon Twitter thing backfiring on the absolute scum of America, Tim Miller argues at the Bulwark that "Musk Twitter might also be a disaster for a couple of groups who cosmically deserve it," namely people like Mitch McConnell, and also what he refers to as the "Nazi grifters who started the various Deploratwitter knockoffs like TRUTH, Parler, and Gettr," whose entire investments might wash up and die if Musk lets all the garbage back on Twitter.

So that could be interesting.

Thoughts and prayers for all this, obviously.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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