Freedom-Hating Democrats Never Have Fancy Boat Parades For Biden, Says RSBN Anchor

Media/Entertainment
Freedom-Hating Democrats Never Have Fancy Boat Parades For Biden, Says RSBN Anchor

Today in Florida, a whole bunch of people are sailing their boats down the St. Johns River to declare their great love for Governor Ron DeSantis ... and Right Side Broadcasting Network, one of the most batshittiest of the batshit right wing pretend news networks, was there to cover it all.

The event was put on by the Republican Party of Duval County, widely considered the murder capital of Florida.

During a live stream this morning, RSBN anchor Brian Glenn and Florida GOP Vice Chairman sat on one of the boats and held a riveting discussion about how everyone in the country is probably looking at Florida right now and thinking about how much they want to live there, because of all of the freedom. Or because they want to get bitten by an alligator they mistook for a dog on a leash. Or because they want to get eaten and dismembered by an alligator while looking for lost frisbees.


"I think as the media and the left really starts to squeeze us, they know the target is over them, they know that people are waking up and they’re seeing states like Florida and saying 'Hey wait a minute, this is how we want to live our lives! All these regulations, all these shutdowns, all these rules that just make no common sense at all — the American people are fed up,' Glenn opined. "And this is — what you’re seeing right now is a great example. People are like 'You know what? We’re gonna be out celebrating freedom. And you know what? Maybe I will move to the great state of Florida, because this is what God intended us to be, is free.'

Free to be eaten by alligators, anyway.

For his part, Ziegler really just wanted to share how he goes to sleep every night, like a normal person, thinking of how much he loves the governor of his state.

"When you have a governor like Ron DeSantis," he said "I mean, I tell my wife, every night I go to bed and I think “Man, I couldn’t be happier with my governor,” and I wake up and sure as hell, he proves me wrong the next day." This is probably exactly what a wife wants to hear before going to bed with her husband, we would imagine.

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Not to be out-sychophant-ed, Brian Glenn then upped the ante by claiming that the fact that the Left does not put on any boat parades for Joe Biden is a clear sign that we hate freedom. Either that or the only place that kind of thing is normal is in authoritarian dictatorships in which everyone pretends Dear Leader is a literal god, and we think that sounds like a bad time.

"I was thinking about this today," he said. "You don’t see events like this coming from the Left or the Democrats! I mean what do they … you’d think they would celebrate this country, you’d think they would celebrate the freedoms that we have, but honestly Christian, let’s think about this for a second. If I’m not aware of any events that the Democrats are putting on like this. Is there a Biden boat parade? If that happens, I wanna go check it out because I really don’t think they celebrate freedom like conservatives and Republicans do because we understand how great we have it here, Christian, we live in the greatest country in the world. Why not celebrate it? I just don’t know why they’re so angry all the time, and you certainly don’t see them putting on events like this."

Oh I'm sorry, are we the ones exploding with rage all over the place because we think we're going to be replaced by non-white people or because transgender people exist or people bring their own kids to drag shows or because we're mad at pizza? Oh, or because Barbie did yoga?Please.

But to be fair, we are pretty angry about a lot of things, though perhaps we wouldn't have to be if Republicans could just mind their own damn business and leave people alone to live their lives. But no, they want to be in control of all of the uteruses and they want to control everyone's gender and the books they're allowed to read and the religion they're allowed to practice. Now, clearly, this is all so very exciting for Republicans that it makes them want to get out there and flotilla their faces off for Ron DeSantis, but it's not a great time for the rest of us.

That being said, Glenn is probably right about the fact that we do not have a lot of fancy boat parades to declare our worshipful love for any politician, largely because that would be creepy as hell.

This is now your open thread!

ETA:

Boat Parade!www.youtube.com

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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