Herschel Walker May Perhaps Not Be Junior Power Ranger FBI Policeman Superhero Astronaut

Herschel Walker May Perhaps Not Be Junior Power Ranger FBI Policeman Superhero Astronaut

Herschel Walker, the actual no-fooling GOP Senate nominee for Georgia, is like the George Costanza of politics. He distorts the truth to an absurd degree. He’s claimed he was valedictorian of his high school class and later graduated from the University of Georgia. He’s also vastly misrepresented his past business dealings.

Now, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that Walker told people he was once a cop. It was like "Miami Vice" inside his head.

“I worked in law enforcement, so I had a gun. I put this gun in my holster and I said, ‘I’m gonna kill this dude,’” Walker said at a 2013 suicide prevention event for the U.S. Army. In a 2017 speech, Walker got more specific.

Walker specifically claimed, “I worked with the Cobb County Police Department.” This is the sort of thing you can easily check, especially when the bullshitter later runs for major political office.

PREVIOUSLY: What Is Truth? Nobel Prize Winner Herschel Walker Not So Sure

The Cobb County Police Department told the AJC that there’s no record of Walker working with the department. This doesn’t necessarily mean Walker’s lying. The Gotham City Police Department probably doesn’t keep a record of its involvement with Batman. Walker’s campaign countered that he was “an honorary deputy,” which the Cobb County sheriff’s office couldn’t confirm either. An honorary deputy is not an actual member of law enforcement, and a local prosecutor likened the title to having “a junior ranger badge,” which admittedly sounds cool.

During his 2017 speech, Walker also claimed that "I’ve been in criminal justice all my life.” OK, maybe he just stretched he limits of his junior ranger badge and Little Orphan Annie decoder ring, but he went so far as to tell an audience in 2019, “I spent time at Quantico at the FBI training school. Y’all didn’t know I was an agent?”

It’s not clear that Walker himself “knew" this until the words came out of his mouth. He was speaking to soldiers at Joint Base Lewis-McChord in Washington state. Maybe he was overcome by acute Zelig syndrome and felt compelled to impress his audience.

PREVIOUSLY: Herschel Walker Will Stop Mass Shootings With Department Of Looking At Young Men Who Are Looking At Young Women Who Are Looking At Social Media

Walker has never worked at the FBI, although his Senate campaign feels like an X-File. His campaign insists he spent a week at Quantico, but he doesn’t even have a junior ranger badge to show for it.

In fairness, Walker does have documented experience with law enforcement. Police described Walker as the "suspect" in a July 2011 incident where a girlfriend said Walker allegedly threatened to “blow her head off” during a dispute. Back in 2001, he “talked about having a shoot-out with police," according to local Atlanta news. Now, you might wonder why Walker’s GOP primary opponents didn’t bring this up before he stomped their asses, but they did! Voters just didn’t care. You can apparently threaten cops so long as you don’t try to defund them.

Gary Black, the state agriculture commissioner, said when this all came out in February, "I don’t think there’s a statute of limitations for threatening police. That’s a very serious charge and I think it’s actually a disqualifying charge, just in my opinion.”

Unfortunately, Georgia Republicans didn’t share this opinion. Black won 13 percent of the vote to Walker’s 68. He should’ve considered talking more about his own imaginary FBI career.

Walker is wholly unfit to serve in the US Senate, but that’s also true of Marsha Blackburn and Tommy Tuberville. Qualifications don’t matter as much as getting out the vote. Walker remains a serious threat to Democratic incumbent Raphael Warnock, so if you live in Georgia, please do everything you can to help Warnock keep his seat.

And now you may OPEN THREAD.

[Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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