Herschel Walker Knows Who Has Multiple Personalities, It Is Jesus

Let's be clear: This blog post is not for any kind of ableist commentary about mental health, or multiple personality disorder — or, more properly, dissociative identity disorder.

It is about how Herschel Walker is the literal actual GOP nominee for the US Senate seat in Georgia, the man handpicked by Donald Trump out of, um, Texas, to come and take back that seat from Raphael Warnock, who doesn't say things like this:

WALKER: Do our lord Jesus Christ have a mental illness, because he said he's the father, the son and the holy spirit? To me those are three different personalities. We're not so much different than he is!

OK. So. Speak for yourself, sir, first of all.

Walker has said for years that he deals with having multiple personalities. And so he asks, "Do our lord Jesus Christ have a mental illness?" Since Walker is running against the pastor of Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, it occurs to us they could do a theological debate about this, instead of a policy debate, because we really don't think in our heart of hearts that Herschel Walker has policy beliefs. After all, he recently suggested, after the Uvalde massacre, that we could help solve mass shootings with a "department that can look at young men that's looking at women that's looking at social media." Not sure which of the Holy Trinity's multiple personalities inspired that idea. "Cain killed Abel, and that's a problem we have," said Walker at the time, again revealing his extensive trove of Bible knowledge.

Needless to say, the divine mystery of the trinity in Christian theology is not an example of dissociative identity disorder. So no, that is not a way Herschel Walker is like Jesus.

Also, to our knowledge, the Christ did not lie about the size of his chicken empire or lie about having a career in law enforcement or lie about his education or father secret children and/or just consistently forget to mention three out of four of his offspring. (While acknowledging the one who is just an honestly terrible young man, best wishes from Wonkette!)

Also, we feel like if conservative evangelical Christians actually loved Jesus — and let's be clear, that's not what the fuck they're about these days and it really never has been — then they might feel like their savior is being insulted when this charlatan loser accuses him of having multiple personalities.

Again, our point here is that this is the actual GOP nominee for a United States Senate seat in Georgia, because that's how far gone the GOP is. Whatever is going on with Walker, we cannot imagine him serving constituents in Georgia well, and it's obvious to literally anyone that Trump only picked him out because Trump and the Republican Party writ large think so little of Black voters that they believe they'll vote for any Black celebrity just because they're Black. (Remember how enthusiastically MAGA types supported Kanye's independent run for the presidency, even as that guy appeared to be in the throes of a mental breakdown? Yeah.)

Of course, for white evangelicals and Trump, it helps that Walker likes to confirm their biases for them:

Georgia, for the love of Christ — father, son and holy spirit — please vote in November.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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