Rudy Giuliani, Lindsey Graham, And John Eastman Got Subpoenas For Their 4th Of July Present!

Extremely wise political analysts — it's us! — have been saying for a while now not to sleep on Fulton County, Georgia, District Attorney Fani Willis and her criminal investigation into Donald Trump, all his friends, and their efforts to overturn the election in Georgia. We've been saying that Trump might be fuuuuuuuuucked.

Also that people like Rudy Giuliani and Lindsey Graham might also be, to use the same exact legal term, fuuuuuuuuucked.

Now here comes the Atlanta Journal-Constitution with news of glad tidings and patriotic American joy:

In addition to Giuliani, among those being summoned are John Eastman, Cleta Mitchell, Kenneth Chesebro and Jenna Ellis, all of whom advised Trump on strategies for overturning Democrat Joe Biden’s wins in Georgia and other swing states.


The grand jury also subpoenaed South Carolina U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham, one of Trump’s top allies in the U.S. Senate, and attorney and podcast host Jacki Pick Deason.

Uh oh, Lindsey Graham! You fly a little bit too close to the sun while you were busy fanning Donald Trump's grundle, maybe perhaps?

Also just because she isn't worthy of being in the headline doesn't mean you shouldn't be laughing at Jenna Ellis right now.

Not long ago, it became clear that New York's criminal investigation into Trump was probably boned, but that was happening just as it appeared Willis was really getting her Georgia investigation going. Indeed, that's when she empaneled her grand jury.

As Wonkette wrote almost exactly two months ago, so that one day we might copy/paste it, perhaps the day after the 4th of July:

There will be much for this special grand jury to investigate. There's Trump's perfect call with Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, where he begged Raffensperger to "find" him 11,780 votes so he could win Georgia. There's Trump's perfect call with Frances Watson, the lead investigator in Raffensperger's office, where Trump nudged her like a common mob boss in the direction of the county where Trump wanted them to "find" him all these votes. There's Lindsey Graham's perfect call to Raffensperger not long after the election. There's the very abrupt quit-firing of former US Attorney Byung J. "Bjay" Pak, apparently for his refusal to find Trump some imaginary voter fraud. There's Rudy Giuliani.

And interestingly, when Willis has talked about this investigation, she's used the word "racketeering," which has a fairly broad meaning under Georgia state law. She hired an attorney named John Floyd who is known for being The Expert on racketeering under Georgia law.

Uh huh yep and also the fake electors scheme, which has John Eastman's moronic paws all over it.

Read more about the details at the AJC. We think it's interesting that it says Rudy Giuliani's fake hearings with Georgia legislators, where he just spewed bullshit after bullshit about fake election fraud, "have become a major interest to the special grand jury." We'd hate if this ends up with him in prison fucking finally.

As for our headline, we must clarify that Lindsey Graham and the others did not receive these subpoenas on the 4th of July, like as some sort of gag gift from the criminal justice system. They were filed today. Dunno who's gotten theirs and who hasn't or if Lindsey Graham or Rudy or Eastman are currently hiding under their covers with their butts in the air loudly shouting "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" at innocent process servers.

But we can't force anybody not to imagine that's exactly what's happening right now.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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