Secretary Mayor Pete Still Just Beating On GOP Idiots. Stop It, Pete! You're Too Strong!

Secretary Mayor Pete Still Just Beating On GOP Idiots. Stop It, Pete! You're Too Strong!

Seditionist Rep. Scott Perry (R-January 6) was talking to Secretary Mayor Pete Buttigieg in a congressional hearing today, and he was mad about electric vehicles, because as we all know, electric vehicles are a woke plot to make windmills gay. That seemed to be the logic, at least, when GOP North Carolina state house Rep. Ben Moss came up with his clever bill what said all free electric vehicle charging stations must be destroyed unless they were retrofitted to also offer free gasoline. Totally normal and good bill right there, buddy.

Point is, they are all mad at EVs right now, because EVs are extremely cruel to the oil bid'ness.

And yes, we laugh at them, but we have to remember that a lot of these politicians' mothers were oil rigs and their daddies were also oil rigs and they were born when two oil rigs had gay oil sex with each other and got each other oil pregnant. Or, you know, however it works when people are completely bought-and-paid-for by the oil bid'ness.

Anyway, in today's hearing, Scott Perry really tried to do a gotcha at Secretary Mayor Pete, because apparently Scott Perry hasn't heard that Secretary Mayor Pete is a very frightening gangster whose reign of terror has only just begun, and who feeds off making these people look stupid in public.

Scott Perry explained that he had looked at the Kelley Blue Book, and it said electric vehicles (EVs) cost $55,000. Scott Perry said actually they're more than that, because "subsidy" and "taxes." Scott Perry said EVs are actually $60,000.

Secretary Mayor Pete stuffed his large shoe up Scott Perry's ass and said fuck off. But he said it nicely, and with math.

SECRETARY FUCK-YOU-UP: I want to be clear: Nobody I know, certainly not me, thinks that all or even most Americans can easily afford electric vehicles. That said, I'm struck by this $55,000 number that keeps going around. I knew this might come up, so I just pulled a few of the latest prices ...

Of course he did. Fuckin' homework-doer.

SECRETARY FYU: A Chevy Bolt, so an American-made 2022 EV, is $26,595. If you want a pickup truck, like a Chevy Silverado EV or a Ford F-150 Lightning, the starting prices of those are $39,900 and $39,974 respectively.

What Scott Perry might not realize, but every American does who's gone car-shopping any time in the last few years, is that those numbers aren't crazy at all. Cars are hella expensive now. Those truck prices are actually extremely low, and clearly reflect that they are "starting" prices. You want a fun Silverado or F-150, with bells and whistles, you're going to be in the 50s or more regardless of whether it's a gas vehicle or an electric.

Scott Perry asked more questions about subsidies, but they didn't fuckin' matter because Pete knew the answers.

Then Pete introduced Scott Perry to the concept of "used car."

SECRETARY FYU: And look, that's, you know, the new car. So the first time I got a plug-in car, for example, Chasten and I got one ...

His gay husband. See the ring? You know, in case that bothers the Republican from Pennsylvania.

FYU: It was $14,000, had about 15,000 miles on it, it was a C-Max, so it was a combo plug-in hybrid.

Secretary Mayor Pete made the Republican congressman look like an idiot and not a man of the people, because he had to remind him of "used car." Not only is Pete gay, but he and his gay husband are financially gay-sponsible.

And then Pete made one more economic point, which is that we're getting to the point where the higher costs of an EV are truly offset by the savings in gasoline. And Scott Perry said, "Look, I got my numbers from Kelley Blue Book," and Pete said, "Are those this year's numbers?" and of course they weren't, so Pete stomped around on top of Scott Perry's prostrate body then kicked him into a volcano and kissed his gay husband on the mouth with tongues and said "I win! I win! I win!" except just kidding, no he didn't, he's far too classy for such public displays, and besides, we can all see what he did, it's not like he has to explain it.

The end and OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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