Awww, Nikki Haley Still Thinks She Could Be President ... Of America!

National Politics
Awww, Nikki Haley Still Thinks She Could Be President ... Of America!

Former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley gave a speech Monday at the Christians United for Israel summit in Washington DC. Haley slammed President Joe Biden’s attempts to broker a new nuclear deal with Iran:

If this president signs any sort of [Iran nuclear] deal, I’ll make you a promise: The next president will shred it on her first day in office.

Holy crap! Did Haley just subtly endorse Marjorie Taylor Greene’s inevitable presidential run? No, wait, she’s talking about herself. When Haley looks into the mirror, she apparently still sees the first woman president and not one of many supposedly “respectable” Republicans who folded to Trumpism. Her unwavering ambition is both adorable and pathetic.

She went on to add: "Just saying, sometimes it takes a woman.”

No, I think bailing on commitments America’s leaders made in good faith is gender-fluid asshole behavior. A group of 47 Senate Republicans, including Tom Cotton, wrote a letter to Iranian leaders in 2015 claiming that any deal they made with President Barack Obama wouldn’t last once he left office. That sentiment in practice would make negotiating with the US a nightmare for any nation. You’re trying to pin down a government whose changing leadership could renege on deals out of spite. It’s like dating a Gemini.

Back in May, 16 Democrats joined almost all Republicans to approve Sen. James Lankford’s non-binding resolution "stating that any nuclear agreement with Tehran should also address Iran’s support for terrorism in the region, and that the U.S.should not lift sanctions on an elite branch of the Iranian military, the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps.” However, Haley doesn’t seem interested in negotiating with the Biden administration over the final shape of a deal. Even if Senate Republicans were on board, she still vows to summarily reject “any sort of deal" outright.

PREVIOUSLY: How Stupid Was Trump's Iran Announcement, On A Scale Of One To 'Donald Fucking Trump'?

Trump pulled out of the Iran deal (aka the JCPOA) in 2018, which a bipartisan consensus of people with functioning brain stems thought was a bonehead move. Haley, once considered one of the Trump administration's few “adults in the room,” wants to follow his blundering example. This is hardly a stellar debut for the Haley 2024 campaign.

Oh, but she’s got the aggressive, senseless bluster down. Haley visited Israel in June and declared her unwavering support.

“I promised the people of Israel that I would never stop fighting for Israel as long as I was taking a breath. I think what is really important is coming back here, after what has been a horrific conflict, one that was unwarranted and unnecessary, and one that happens all too often, to come here and make sure that we let the Israeli people know we are standing with you,” Haley said. “We will fight with you.”

This is all fine and good, but it seems she’s adopted the US rightwing position that any attempt to avoid a thermonuclear war with Iran betrays Israel, which is located in the world and would directly benefit from the Earth not going kablooie.

A recent New York Times/Siena College poll had Haley bringing up the rear in a GOP primary. Trump was well ahead of the pack of losers with 49 percent, followed by Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, the Starscream candidate, with 25 percent. Sen. Ted Cruz is a distant third with just seven percent, and that leaves Haley tied with Mike Pence at six percent. Trump supporters tried to hang that motherfucker, and Haley still can’t nudge past him.

PREVIOUSLY: Nikki Haley Keeps Digging Confederate-Flag-Shaped Hole For Her Dignity

There’s no reason to assume her numbers would improve. The MAGA electorate will never forget that when Haley was South Carolina governor, she surrendered the Confederate flag on the “woke” battlefield, and her support for Trump has always been transparently opportunistic. God help us, she lacks the moral righteousness of Liz Cheney. No, Nikki Haley is someone who craves power so desperately, she’s guaranteed to never wield it.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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