DOJ Doesn't Give A Care If Trump Running For President, Should He Need An Arrestin'
Donald Trump GIF by CBS News

Yesterday, Wonkette had the story of how Donald Trump is reportedly telling people he really needs to be president again — and really wants to announce his run soon — so he can hide from the feds investigating his role in the incitement of the terrorist attack of January 6 and the plot to overthrow the government. (SPOILER FOR CONFUSED PEOPLE AT MAIN JUSTICE: Trump's role is called "ringleader.")

As we all know, presidents are above the law and Donald Trump has an Article II that says he can do anything he wants, probably even when he isn't president and is just campaigning to steal the office. Therefore it would be "witch hunt" and "Russia Russia Russia" to hold Trump accountable.

Today, we have an update, and it is that the Department of Justice says Trump can run but he cannot hide, and "sleep with one eye open" and "gripping your pillow tight" and "exit light" and "enter night." You know, just typical DOJ announcement words.

OK we are just fooling! The Biden DOJ isn't saying Metallica songs! They are not that tough. :(

Anyway, the statement came from Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco in response to a question about Trump's current motivations:

“We’re going to continue to do our job, to follow the facts wherever they go, no matter where they lead, no matter to what level,” Monaco said Tuesday at a cybersecurity conference in New York. “We’re going to continue to investigate what was fundamentally an attack on our democracy.”

We hope that's true. Also we have a spoiler alert for DOJ on "the facts wherever they go, no matter where they lead, no matter to what level," and it is that the House January 6 Select Committee has basically laid out the entire criminal case going all the way to the top and will likely be fine with it if DOJ cheats off its paper.

As we noted yesterday, there is obviously nothing about being a presidential candidate that shields a person from prosecution. There is a (very stupid) DOJ memo what says presidents can't be prosecuted, but not candidates. However, it looks pretty stinky and political if DOJ is prosecuting presidential candidates. However HOWEVER HOWEVER, literally anybody can see Trump gaming the system and just declaring he's a presidential candidate one million years early, so he can say they're witch-hunting him like a common dictatorship if they're investigating or prosecuting him.

Hey, let's all declare ourselves presidential candidates and then go do some crimes! Is that how it works?

Just kidding, fuck off.

Remember, though, that it is not just that national Department of Merrick Garland that is the issue here.

The news is coming fast and dirty out of the investigation in Fulton County, Georgia. One of the things District Attorney Fani Willis is investigating is Trump's fake elector schemes, and she has officially revealed that all 16 fake electors in Georgia are criminal targets of her investigation. This was revealed this week in a series of court filings and you can read all about it at Politico, should you need more details than what we just provided.

Meanwhile, Republican Senator Lindsey Graham has decided that he will at least accept his grand jury subpoena from DA Willis, but maybe he might still want to fight it. Republican Rep. Jody Hice of Georgia is fightin' his, because he's a fightin' guy like that.

Whatever they do, DA Willis is not fucking around. All these fuckers gonna find out, looks like.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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