Glenn Greenwald Knows Matt Gaetz Not Trying To Hurt Gays, Just Teaching Them Lesson (About Federalism)

Right Wing Extremism
Glenn Greenwald Knows Matt Gaetz Not Trying To Hurt Gays, Just Teaching Them Lesson (About Federalism)

screengrab from Glenn's Rumble show of him talking about Matt Gaetz, because that exists

A number of Republicans voted this week in the House, along with all Democrats, to codify marriage equality in federal law. Interestingly enough, the bill was written specifically so that states wouldn't have to issue gay marriage licenses, BUT they sure would have to give full faith and credit to marriages from other states and all existing marriages, and oh yeah, full federal marriage benefits for all.

Perfect? Nope. But it sure seemed like it was written so that if any jackoff Republican was stuck on some seventh grade "the only porns I'm allowed to read is the romance parts of Ayn Rand stories" argument about states' rights, then they should be fine. All else is just bigotry.

Except Glenn Greenwald is just pretty sure Matt Gaetz had a VERY GOOD REASON for voting against making sure Glenn Greenwald's marriage is recognized in the United States. Why? Well, we reckon Gaetz is just another white Republican man whose aura Glenn wants to bathe in. Ooh! And maybe one day they and Tucker and Alex Jones can have the coolest white guy slumber party EVER!

That's not what that link says and adoption and marriage equality are two different issues. Also literally that same year, Gaetz said he's "not comfortable" with gayness. But we're sure Glenn's version of the story is 100 percent accurate, because of how he is a serious journalist.


"Gay marriage doesn't offend me nearly as much as offending federalism does through this legislation," said Matt Gaetz this week, explaining that gay marriage definitely still offends him.

And Glenn Greenwald says that's right, Matt Gaetz doesn't hate gays like Glenn Greenwald, he just loves his stupid juvenile views on federalism more. Which tells you a lot about what Matt Gaetz would piss on should it catch on fire, and also tells you a lot about Glenn Greenwald's sense of his own human dignity, that he's OK with Matt Gaetz's choice. Keep going, Glenn.

1. Blake Masters? One cannot use "Blake Masters" to argue one's case about "Matt Gaetz."

2. Anyone could have cried at Peter Thiel's wedding for any number of reasons — "oh no, I have just realized Peter Thiel is a total fucking douche!" or "oh no, I could have done literally anything else in the world this weekend besides this!" — but if any homophobes did shed tears there, it would not be the first time a Republican made one little exception for somebody who was in their (white) social group, but were willing to fuck over everyone else.

3. Really? Glenn is doing all this running around and tail-wagging and belly-displaying for Matt Gaetz?

This Matt Gaetz?


One more:

Picky point: To make "one last point" on federalism, one needs to make the "first point" on federalism. Maybe if one of the editors at The Intercept still liked Glenn he could avoid these embarrassing editorial mistakes.

But that was a very good "WHATABOUT!" transition into skullfucking a dead strawman argument nobody was making about liberals hating local control and Bernie Sanders and like such as.

What a sad fucking display this has been.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc