Is Your Republican Senator A Vile Gay-Hating Pig Or Nah? ROLL CALL!


This week, Fox News weirdo Mark Levin had one of his weirdo conniptions about gay people, because that's a thing he does. He says the 47 House Republicans who voted to codify marriage equality in federal law are "gutless buffoons," and they must be that, because ignorant gay-hating bigots never can imagine that everybody else doesn't secretly think exactly like they do, can't imagine that everybody else doesn't share whatever mental or emotional defect makes them so very upset about the existence of gay people.

However, in the same little conniption, Levin correctly noted that Democrats had played good politics here (FOR ONCE, WE WOULD ADD, FOR ONCE). Sam Alito, Clarence Thomas, Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Coney Barrett took a giant shit all over Americans' freedom by overturning Roe, and Thomas specifically told America he was also coming for their marriages and their private sexual behavior and their contraception. None of this is popular with anyone who matters or anything resembling a majority, and America actually isn't going to put up with an illegitimate Supreme Court full of partisan hacks occupying seats stolen by presidents who couldn't win the popular vote if their lives depended on it.

So yes, Democrats. Make Republicans vote on this shit. "So why did they vote on this?" whined Mark Levin. "So they could run ads, the Democrats in this election cycle, saying Ernie Rebotsky, Republican from wherever, opposes interracial marriage, opposes your right to buy contraceptives. That's what they're going to do." Fucking goddamn right. And why are those ads going to be effective? Because normal Americans fucking despise white supremacist fascist Republicans' wet dreams for what they want this country to be.

Real goddamned simple.

With that in mind, CNN has a roll call of where all the Republican senators currently stand on the bill that's headed their way. Can it make it to 60? Will 10 Republicans be not fucking stupid and make sure America, where 71 percent (and growing every year) support marriage equality, keeps those equal marriage rights, no matter what decides to crawl out of Clarence Thomas's asshole and insert itself in an illegitimate Supreme Court ruling?

Let's add 'em up:


It's four of 'em. Susan Collins is sponsoring the bill. Rob Portman is a yes. Lisa Murkowski and Thom Tillis are most likely yes.

And Mark Levin probably thinks they are GUTLESS BUFFOONS!


That tally stands at eight, though some of them are trying to pretend they have non-bigot reasons for opposing it. (You know, like Matt Gaetz!) As usual with Republicans, it's wisest to start off assuming the worst, then let them occasionally surprise you.

Bill Cassidy said, "It’s a pure messaging bill. I mean, it’s obviously settled law right now,” which is funny, because Roe v. Wade was settled law when Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominees were lying through their forked tongues to the Senate about what they would do with Roe v. Wade. Cassidy didn't say for sure that he was a no, but it sure sounds like it.

Roger Wicker says he doesn't think the Supreme Court is going to "touch this issue," so why should the Senate make a law like some kind of lawmaking body?

Marco Rubio told CNN it's a "stupid waste of time" and said he was a no. To reporter Igor Bobic, he didn't say a hard no, but said he knows what gay people REALLY want:

Jesus fuck, Little Marco, gas prices are going down nationwide and so are your alleged gay friends, haha, Marco Rubio doesn't have gay friends, fuck off.

Lindsey Graham is against it. He specificallysays he supports the vile Defense of Marriage Act.

Josh Hawley and John Cornyn and Ted Cruz are super-bigots, but you knew that, and also Jim Inhofe.


These are 16 who responded to CNN's inquiries but either were not sure or didn't really answer in a committal way: Richard Burr, Roy Blunt, Mike Braun, Joni Ernst, Ron Johnson, Cynthia Lummis, Rand Paul, Mitch McConnell, Mitt Romney, Mike Rounds, Rick Scott, Dan Sullivan, John Thune, Pat Toomey, Tommy Tuberville, and Todd Young.

But exactly what some of them said to CNN is what we find interesting, and you might find interesting, if one of them is your senator and you feel led by the Lord to call them.

  • Roy Blunt has reservations, but he did say, “I don’t have any problem with same-sex marriage, but I’m not sure – I want to look at the legislation.”
  • Joni Ernst's office says she's "keeping an open mind," per CNN. She told Igor Bobic she's friends with a bunch of gay-marrieds, though. Call her, Iowans.
  • Mike Rounds, like a number of people on this list, is leaning on the (false) idea that the Supreme Court won't ever touch this, but did say that he "think[s] there's a difference between matrimony as a sacrament and a legal marriage and so if someone wants to do that type of partnership, I’m not opposed to it.”
  • Tommy Tuberville says, “I think people ought to have freedom to do what they want. It’s free country." He hasn't read the bill yet, but he thinks that. To be clear, does he support marriage equality? “Yeah, if that’s what you want to do, fine," he said this week.

If your GOP senator isn't on that list of 16, they didn't respond to CNN's questions. Slate has quotes from some that CNN didn't talk to, though. The most common responses really are along of the lines of "that's not necessary" and the dumb lie about how the partisan hack Supreme Court would never touch this issue, and why would you even think that?

Chuck Grassley's a real good example of that:

And that is what we know about this, that and the other.

It does seem like this could get to 60, and if it did, Congress would be on record shoving a bag of dicks in Clarence Thomas's eye.

Call your shitty Republican senators!


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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