FBI Vampire Slayer Herschel Walker Ready To Own Raphael Warnock At Debates, If He Shows Up
Here’s some breaking news from the Senate race in Georgia. Republican nominee and known liar Herschel Walker has promised (kinda) that he’ll eventually debate Democratic incumbent Raphael Warnock. Sure, he blew off debates with his Republican primary opponents, but Walker’s a man of his word and that word is “liar.”
Last week, during a campaign appearance at a livestock barn, he even denied skipping the Republican debates: "Oh no. I don’t dodge anything. I never dodge anything. I didn't dodge in the primary.”
You heard it, folks. That empty podium on the stage was Walker all along — just with a more impressive command of policy. Walker claimed it was his opponents’ fault that he wasn’t actually present for those debates, and it doesn’t take a genius, which Walker definitely isn't, to pick up on the obvious pattern here. He’s likely gonna flake on the general election debates and blame Warnock, maybe even cancel culture.
Just watch him dance!
"He agreed on a debate? What date? October 16?" Walker said. "So if we negotiate and got everything right, we will debate on October 16th, and I’ll be ready to go."
Uh, what’s there to negotiate, slick? This is a debate, not a duel with seconds and choices of weapons. You show up and discuss the issues, demonstrating for voters how fundamentally unfit Herschel Walker The Former FBI Vampire Slayer is to serve in the Senate, even one with Tommy Tuberville in it.
Warnock, to his credit, has been remarkably polite about the fact that Republicans sent a bumbling fool to unseat him. However, this week, he finally unleashed his inner John Fetterman and tweeted this awesome video that mercilessly dunks on Walker.
\u201cIf Herschel Walker is so ready to debate, why hasn\u2019t he agreed to any?\u201d— Reverend Raphael Warnock (@Reverend Raphael Warnock) 1658750470
It opens with a lion roaring as a narrator says, “Herschel Walker likes to talk tough.” Then we see Walker speaking, which is not his strength as a candidate.
WALKER: I’m ready for Senator Warnock, when he’s ready to debate, he calls the time, he makes the place. I’m ready to go.
The video cuts to a purring kitten because tough-talking Walker is just a little baby. He’s afraid to set foot on the same debate stage as Warnock, who can assemble words into sentences that are true statements. News footage reminds us that Warnock has patiently accepted three invitations to debate Walker, who refuses to make an actual commitment. It’s like the debates are his not-so-secret kids.
The ad challenges Walker to “stop dodging” and commit to the debates. Walker is a different kind of fraud from Dr. Oz, and this ad walks the right balance of attacking Walker’s credibility and not his intelligence (leave that to us). Warnock doesn’t want to look like Al Gore rolling his eyes at George W. Bush, even if that’s the most instinctive response to Walker’s ignorance.
Walker’s reply to Warnock’s ad exhibited zero chill. You could tell Warnock got under his skin.
\u201c.@ReverendWarnock, the host of our debate must agree to not shield you from these questions because the debates are about *the voters* not the press or either party. You\u2019ve done nothing to make sure a debate is about the voters.\u201d— Herschel Walker (@Herschel Walker) 1658758567
Walker tweeted (presumably with the help of someone on his staff): “Reverend Warnock, since we’re asking questions today: Why do you vote with Biden 96 percent of the time? Why do you support abortion up until the time of birth? Why do you believe our law enforcement officers are thugs? Why do you believe men should compete against women in sports?”
These are all transparent rightwing talking points, and Warnock can smack down every one. Walker ranted further: “The host of our debate must agree to not shield you from these questions because the debates are about *the voters* not the press or either party. You’ve done nothing to make sure a debate is about the voters.”
It’s obvious Walker's trying to slunk out of the debates, but Warnock isn’t interested in his excuses. He’s called him out as a kitten coward. Now, Walker is resorting to Kelly Loeffler’s 2020 playbook against Warnock, smearing him as a cop-hating, baby-killing radical socialist. It didn’t work in the 2021 runoffs and it won’t work now. Georgians know and trust Warnock, and they more they learn about Walker, they know they can’t trust him as their senator.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."