Dare We Dream That Donald Trump Could At Last Be Well And Truly F*cked?

We've said before that we feel like if Merrick Garland was really doing nothing over there at the Justice Department to hold Donald Trump and his minions accountable for their plots to overthrow the government, that it would start leaking to reporters and it would make its way into the newspaper. We lived through the Trump administration. We saw how that place leaked like a sieve about everything Trump's sycophants were doing to protect him and his cohort from criminal consequences for their actions.

Last night, the Washington Post dropped a totally different kind of scoop, namely that Trump is most certainly under criminal investigation. This comes the same week that Republican Senator Chuck Grassley has been swearing up and down that a real live whistleblower at the real live FBI is coming forward to allege that there is a real live conspiracy at the FBI and DOJ to hide bad stuff about Hunter Biden. The timing of that fake propaganda story suddenly makes more sense.

It also came the same night as the New York Timeslet us know it has texts of all Trump's lawyers taking notes on the fake electors conspiracy. As Wonkette noted in its post about that, if Times reporter Marge Haberman has those texts, Merrick Garland almost certainly does too.

REMEMBER THIS MORNING? Trump Campaign Lawyers Were Takin' ALL The Notes On Their Motherf*ckin' Conspiracy

But anyway, that WaPo scoop. Just below the headline, it says its sources say "investigators are examining the former president’s conversations and have seized phone records of top aides." So that there sounds like some action. Let's read the article together like it's Sunday morning and we're old married people looking at the paper. Afterward we will go to yard sales.

The Justice Department is investigating President Donald Trump’s actions as part of its criminal probe of efforts to overturn the 2020 election results, according to four people familiar with the matter.

Oh, they found four people who all said the same thing! That's more than just one guy!

Prosecutors who are questioning witnesses before a grand jury — including two top aides to Vice President Mike Pence — have asked in recent days about conversations with Trump, his lawyers, and others in his inner circle who sought to substitute Trump allies for certified electors from some states Joe Biden won, according to two people familiar with the matter. Both spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss an ongoing investigation.

Very specific questions about the fake electors scheme! We knew DOJ was zeroing in on that.

REMEMBER WHEN WE KNEW THAT? Trump Campaign Secretly Corralled Cosplay Electors, Faces Secret Grand Jury Investigation

With the number of people who appear to have taken notes on that criminal conspiracy, we can understand why Garland might be focusing on it. And if there's one thing the House January 6 Select Committee has been really good at establishing, it's that Donald Trump has been well fuckin' aware of what he's been doing and the criminality of all of it this entire time.


The prosecutors have asked hours of detailed questions about meetings Trump led in December 2020 and January 2021; his pressure campaign on Pence to overturn the election; and what instructions Trump gave his lawyers and advisers about fake electors and sending electors back to the states, the people said. Some of the questions focused directly on the extent of Trump’s involvement in the fake-elector effort led by his outside lawyers,including John Eastman and Rudy Giuliani, these people said.

Oh, they've had hours of questions, that's a lot of questions, don't you think?

The Post goes on to report that the department got phone records from important Trump aides, including Mark Meadows, all the way back in April, long before Liz Cheney started reading lists of Trump's crimes into the congressional record during the J6 hearings. And the point that really comes through is that the investigation really does seem to go all the way to the top.

DOJ has been trying to tell us, obviously in response to public scrutiny of the WHAT THE FUCK ARE Y'ALL EVEN DOING variety, that its investigation is ongoing, is expansive, and that they would "follow the facts wherever they go, no matter where they lead, no matter to what level," in the words of Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco.

TRYING TO TELL US! DOJ Doesn't Give A Care If Trump Running For President, Should He Need An Arrestin'

Yesterday, Garland himself told NBC News that they were ready to prosecute whoever needs a good old-fashioned prosecutin':

The Justice Department plans to prosecute anyone who was “criminally responsible for interfering with the peaceful transfer of power from one administration to another,” Attorney General Merrick Garland said Tuesday[.]

And he talked about just how huge of an investigation he's got, while looking at the J6 Committee's investigation and saying they've also got a pretty big one, and sometimes each one inevitably will show the other something they've never seen before:

“Look, the Justice Department has been doing the most wide ranging investigation in its history,” he said. “And the committee is doing an enormously wide ranging investigation as well. It is inevitable that there will be things that they find before we have found them. And it’s inevitable that there will be things we find that they haven’t found. That’s what happens when you have two wide ranging investigations going on at the same time.”

Right, just like we said, except Merrick Garland didn't make it about weeners like we just did.

Interviewer Lester Holt went more directly for the target, saying that if Garland indicted a former president who may indeed be an official candidate by then, it could "tear the country apart," and is that part of Garland's considerations right now?

Garland replied: “We intend to hold everyone, anyone who was criminally responsible for the events surrounding Jan. 6, for any attempt to interfere with the lawful transfer of power from one administration to another, accountable. That’s what we do. We don’t pay any attention to other issues with respect to that.”

And if Trump announces for president? Because Trump reportedly thinks that somehow he would be protected from prosecution if he did.

Garland responded: “I’ll, say again, that we will hold accountable anyone who was criminally responsible for attempting to interfere with the transfer, legitimate, lawful transfer of power from one administration to the next.”

Golly we sure hope so.

TRUMP REPORTEDLY 'THINKS' LOL! Trump Can't Wait To Run For President Because Feds Can't Find Him There

Read the full Washington Post piece, it is one-hundred million words long and is full of good and newsy reminders of all the ways Garland's DOJ could nail Trump's dick to the wall.

Dare we dream that the man might actually finally be held accountable?

Sorry, been burned too many times, believe when we see it, but sure, hey, why not, GO TO PRISON, MOTHERFUCKER.

[Washington Post / NBC News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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