Is Secret Cabal Of Woke Hillary Lovers At FBI Conspiring To Hide THE REAL TRUTH About Hunter Biden?

Wonkette has been talking today about the Department of Justice's criminal investigation into Donald Trump and the newly revealed texts between his lawyers that show just how much they knew they were doing bullshit crimes to help Trump overthrow America. Now it is time for you to FORGET ALL THAT.

BULLSHIT CRIMES! Trump Campaign Secretly Corralled Cosplay Electors, Faces Secret Grand Jury Investigation

Trump Campaign Lawyers Were Takin' ALL The Notes On Their Motherf*ckin' Conspiracy

Because the real story, the true story, the story Rachel Maddow is too scared to cover, the story the Republicans will be investigating if they take over Congress — do you get that this is the real story? — is that there is a far-reaching conspiracy among the socialist pronoun-lovers of the FBI to bury the truth about Hunter Biden.

The story comes to us from CBS News, which might surprise you, until you look at the byline and see that it's that fucking hack Catherine Herridge. Typing words like a serious reporter, Herridge writes that Republican Senator Chuck Grassley has very real letters from very real and serious people — "highly credible" ones! — that say there is a "a widespread effort within the FBI to downplay or discredit negative information about President Biden's son, Hunter Biden."

THAT FUCKING HACK! Trump: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, WHITE PEOPLE, RUN! AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Quick question before we go on! How much overlap is there between these secret FBI sources and the secret FBI sources who in 2016 leaked up Rudy Giuliani's asshole just before the election that Hillary Clinton was definitely about to be indicted for "emails" and "Clinton Foundation"?

SORRY, IT'S RUDY'S ASSHOLE: Radicalized FBI Sleeper Cell Probably Led By Rudy Giuliani

That's a question a real journalist would ask. Because if we're to believe against all common sense that there is a cabal of woke mobsters inside the FBI hiding very real secret dirts about Hunter Biden, then we're gonna need to see some receipts, you fuckin' dicks.


Let's type out some Chuck Grassley words like that guy isn't senile and doesn't spend all day dreaming of one day mustering up the courage to ask the Iowa State Fair Butter Cow to engage in a traditional heterosexual courtship with him, ALLEGEDLY.

"The information provided to my office involves concerns about the FBI's receipt and use of derogatory information relating to Hunter Biden, and the FBI's false portrayal of acquired evidence as disinformation," GOP Sen. Chuck Grassley wrote FBI Director Christopher Wray and Attorney General Merrick Garland on July 25. "The volume and consistency of these allegations substantiate their credibility and necessitate this letter."

Yeah sure.

Do note, because Catherine Herridge doesn't properly contextualize it, that the most interesting part of that passage is "FBI's false portrayal of acquired evidence as disinformation." Because remember how it was just absolutely totally fucking clear that Rudy Giuliani's attempted Hunter-Biden-ing of the 2020 election was a Russian disinformation op, and dozens of former spies and spy chiefs agreed on the record? It made the people who live inside Donald Trump's grundle forest so mad that nobody was taking their ratfucking propaganda disinformation ops seriously.

OH RIGHT, HUNTER'S EMAILS. Former Spies Agree: OF COURSE 'But Hunter Biden's Emails!' Is A Russian Op, You Morons

Remember how the FBI had to personally warn Rudy Giuliani and Republican Senator Ron Johnson that Russian spies were targeting them with this Hunter Biden shit? And how Giuliani and Johnson responded by essentially saying that if it's what you say, they love it, especially later in the summer?

JESUS THIS STORY HAS A LOT OF LINKS: Rudy And Ron Johnson Blew Off FBI Warnings About Russian Spies Because PFFFFFFFT DEEP STATE!

Because to be clear, that is EXACTLY what chicken this bullshit letter from Grassley is re-fucking.

In October 2020, one month before the election, "an avenue of derogatory Hunter Biden reporting was ordered closed" by a senior FBI agent at the bureau's Washington Field office. An earlier letter from Grassley identified the agent as Timothy Thibault.

"[T]he allegations provided to my office appear to indicate that there was a scheme in place among certain FBI officials to undermine derogatory information connected to Hunter Biden by falsely suggesting it was disinformation," Grassley claimed.

Right, you betcha, Hillary Clinton's FBI strikes again.

"Attorney General Garland and Director Wray, simply put, based on the allegations that I've received from numerous whistleblowers, you have systemic and existential problems within your agencies," Grassley wrote. "You have an obligation to the country to take these allegations seriously, immediately investigate."

Oh golly they better get on that.

You can read the rest of Herridge's report, but we're sure that if you want to skip it, you'll have many opportunities in the future to listen to these morons and their accomplices in the rightwing media try to turn this into the REAL scandal and turn this Timothy Thibault guy into the new Peter Strzok.

AND ANOTHER THING: Peter Strzok Is A Fucking Badass. Let's Liveblog His All-Day Testimony!

Right now, we just don't feel like spending any more time on it.

[Catherine Herridge's LiveJournal We Mean CBS News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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