Kansas Voters Just Told Anti-Abortion Republicans To Eat Bag Of Dicks, AND HOW!

Splendid news for your morning, America!

Kansas voters took some time yesterday to tell anti-abortion fuckheads just how uninterested they are in having fascist Christian overlords control their bodies and reproductive systems. In other words, they told them to eat bags of dicks in hell.

Here was the moment when Dave Wasserman had seen enough last night.

You might notice based on the timestamp that Wasserman was able to call that pretty early in the night. That's because this was not some nailbiting squeaker. Kansas voters resoundinglytold the anti-abortion side to fuck off. The turnout was high — some news sources are saying "staggering." With almost all votes counted, the amendment in question, Amendment 2 — which would have given elected Republicans the ability to add more restrictions to abortions in Kansas, or just ban abortions — has lost by almost 20 points.

It wasn't just along party lines, either. Here's some county data that compares the numbers to how Joe Biden and Donald Trump did in those same counties:

The proposed amendment said the Kansas constitution confers no right to abortion, "[b]ecause Kansas values both women and children." They literally called it the "Value Them Both" amendment. This was a specific response not only to the overturning of Roe but also to a 2019 Kansas state supreme court ruling what said the Kansas constitution does confer the right to abortion.

And Kansas just told 'em to eat dogshit. Yes, Kansas. What is the matter with Kansas? Not this, apparently. Good luck on all future ballot initiatives like this, Republicans! (There are a couple coming up in Kentucky and Montana.)

This even happened after a last-ditch effort to scam Kansas voters with fake texts that said they should vote "yes" for "choice." You'll never guess what kind of vile shitheads those texts have already been linked to, just kidding, you will guess pretty well.

What happened here is such a big fuckin' deal that the president made a statement:

“This vote makes clear what we know: the majority of Americans agree that women should have access to abortion and should have the right to make their own health care decisions,” President Joe Biden said in a statement.

Some fuckin' asshole named Mallory Carroll from the Susan B. Anthony Pro-Life America group called this a "huge disappointment." Said anti-abortion assholes running for office need to "go on the offensive," as if they haven't been entirely vile and offensive up to this point.

On the other hand, there was Norma:

“I like the women’s rights,” said Norma Hamilton, a 90-year-old Republican from Lenexa, Kan. Despite her party registration, she said, she voted no.

Be like Norma, except you can skip the whole "being a Republican" part.

The thing is, there's precedent for this. Everybody is talking about how America fucking despises the Dobbs ruling overturning Roe v. Wade, coming as it does from an entirely illegitimate Court full of partisan hacks. People are talking about how anti-abortion assholes are really the dog that's caught the car and doesn't know what to do, considering how the American people were rooting for the car.

But there is precedent for this, and frankly we're surprised anti-abortion shitheads' memories are so fuzzy, or that they might be drinking their own Jonestown IPA and convincing themselves Americans actually respect the partisan hack Supreme Court Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump stole.

Back in 2011, Mississippi — where the Dobbs case said hacks used to overturn Roe came from — tried to ban pretty much all abortions with a so-called "personhood" amendment, which would have said human life starts at fertilization, therefore all the rights associated with being human start then too. Mississippi voters told them to eat dogshit, and how. Interestingly enough, the margin was almost exactly the same as the Kansas vote, in that red state.

Which is what makes it funny — not funny "haha," obviously — that Georgia's state department of revenue just announced that fetuses are now entitled to tax deductions, because of Georgia's new six-week ban on abortions. We're sure the implementation of that one will go nice and smoothly. It's all wrapped up in the idea of "personhood," and we just wonder how voters in blue-state Georgia — that's right, it's a gerrymandered, voter-suppressed blue state, and anyone that doesn't recognize that is A Idiot — would vote on such a batshit notion.

Oh well, lots more opportunities for voters to jam their dicks in Republicans' eyes in response to what they're doing to abortion access in America.

Lots. More. Opportunities.

[AP / New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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