Trump Crawling-Out-Of-His-Skin Scared Right Now, And You Love It

More and more news continues to trickle out about the routine FBI Fuck-Around-And-Find-Out Festival that rained down on Mar-a-Lago earlier this week. Wonkette will continue to update you with all the pertinent developments, but the point of this here particular blog post is that Donald Trump is fucking freaked.

PREVIOUSLY! Good Morning, Donald Trump. Welcome To F*cking Around And Finding Out!

Sounds Like Whatever Trump Stole Was Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Asawin Suebsaeng reports for Rolling Stone that Trump is literally asking people in his inner circle who there is "wearing a wire." He thinks maybe there are WIRE TAPPS in his phones. (On that count, obviously Fox News is stoking paranoia in its number one pant-shitting viewer, with Jesse Watters last night wildly speculating that the feds may have bugged Mar-a-Lago, just like they did with the campaign. The feds did not bug Trump's campaign, unless you consider the Russian ambassador "Trump's campaign," but Fox News and Jesse Watters are stupid, stupid liars.)

Thing is, according to Suebsaeng's sources, this has been going on for a while. Trump has been asking people all summer if he's been bugged "by Biden."


As a source close to Trump describes it to Rolling Stone: “He has asked me and others, ‘Do you think our phones are tapped?’ Given the sheer volume of investigations going on into the [former] president, I do not think he’s assuming anything is outside the realm of possibility.”

Turns out he's been worried people in his own inner circle are "wearing a wire" since May. And like a true mob boss, "the ex-president and several of his longtime advisers are trying to figure out if they have, in their terminology, a 'mole' or a 'rat' in Trump’s inner sanctum who is slipping his secrets to the feds."

Add in an FBI search and a bunch of baseless lies from Trump lawyers, allies, and scrotum-sucking media buddies bout the FBI planting evidence — we imagine in order to prepare us for the feds to reveal something horrible that they confiscated from Trump's safe or the Mar-a-Lago basement — and you just have one great big absurd paranoid shitshow.

As Rolling Stone notes, Axios reported yesterday morning that all of Trumpland has been freaking out about who "flipped" on Trump. Later that day, Newsweek, not that we trust Newsweek unless it really shows its work, reported that there was indeed a "confidential human source" who tipped off the feds as to what Trump was hiding from them and where in Mar-a-Lago they'd be found. (That report also had a thing about how "FBI decision-makers in Washington and Miami" decided to do the raid the way they did in order to "lower the profile" of it, what with Trump out of town and so forth. Somebody is being ridiculous here, whether it's "FBI decision-makers in Washington and Miami" or Newsweek's sources or Newsweek itself. There was never any scenario where Trump did not start throwing nuclear bombs if he so much as gets cited for jay-waddling across Fifth Avenue.)

But indeed, Trump lawyer Lindsey Halligan said the FBI targeted its search on the aforementioned basement, plus another storage area and a bedroom. We'd imagine that means they knew what they were looking for, and where, and it makes sense a person told them those things.

(Unless Joe Biden is wiretapping Mar-a-Lago with that fun heat-sensing imaging like they do in Bin Laden raid-type thingies. LOL!)

(Raise your hand if you just read that and immediately thought, "oh God, there's going to be one of those situations at Mar-a-Lago one day, isn't there?" Because we thought it when we typed it.)

(And now you're thinking of that iconic picture of Obama and Hillary Clinton in the Sit Room, but imagine they're just looking at Trump running around the lanais of Mar-a-Lago in his underpants.)

ANYWAY.

Wonkette will have more today on the tick-tock that led to all this, and possibly to a real live informant, but the short version is that the Wall Street Journalis now confirmingNewsweek, at least partially, and reporting that somebody tipped the feds off to the very surprising fact that Donald Trump was lying to them. WSJ is very quiet about how it says "informant," much more so than Newsweek:

[S]omeone familiar with the stored papers told investigators there may be still more classified documents at the private club after the National Archives retrieved 15 boxes earlier in the year, people familiar with the matter said. And Justice Department officials had doubts that the Trump team was being truthful regarding what material remained at the property, one person said.

So!

Who's the informant? Mick Mulvaney said on CNN it must be somebody "very close" to Trump:

“This would be someone who was handling things on day to day, who knew where documents were, so it would be somebody very close inside the president, my guess is there’s probably six or eight people who had that kind of information,” Mulvaney said on CNN.

He said he didn't even know Mar-a-Lago had a safe, and he was chief of staff for 15 months, which was an eternity in the Trump administration.

SO WHO IS IT?

Is it Mark Meadows is it Eric Trump IS IT BARRON IS IT MELANIA is it Don Jr. haha no it's not Don Jr. that guy is way too pathetic and desperate for his father's love is it Ivanka IS IT JARED IS IT JARED IS IT JARED is it Mark Meadows? Is it one of these clownfuck spox people with obviously fake names like "Taylor Budowich" or "Liz Harrington"? IS IT JARED? The internet thinks it's Jared maybe. Also there is a tweet out there about Barron playing video games and just pointing out the safe for the feds, IS IT BARRON?

Let's get back to that paranoia engulfing Mar-a-Lago like a tidal wave:

One Trump adviser tells Rolling Stone that since Tuesday, MAGA loyalists have been asking to pass their suspicions to Trump, telling him not to trust certain individuals and to investigate them for possible contacts with federal authorities. “I’m getting a lot of messages saying [things like], ‘This guy must be the informant,’ and others … calling for the [former] president to start doing phone checks of his staff,” says the adviser. “To be honest, a lot of it feels like people trying to screw over the ones they don’t like [in Trumpworld].”

Amazing. And as RS notes, he has good reasons to be scared now.

You hate to see it, just kidding you love it, you sadistic assholes.


Giphy


[Rolling Stone / Wall Street Journal / Politico]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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