Lauren Boebert's Family GOES ROGUE
Please allow us to introduce to you this year’s winners of the Palin Family Memorial Fightin’ and Drinkin’ and Cussin’ Award: Lauren Boebert, her husband Jayson, and their brood of fine young citizens.
Recently, one of Boebert’s four sons hopped in a Razor dune buggy and went zipping up and down a nearby residential street on a Thursday evening, driving at about 50 miles per hour in a 25 mile per hour zone, according to witnesses. So one of the people living on that street flagged him down and, what with the quiet little Colorado street not having knowingly signed up to host the Baja 1000, asked him to not do that.
Boebert’s son reportedly told the neighbor to fuck off, then zipped his little dune buggy back off to whatever hillbilly survivalist camp his family lives in. A few minutes later, he was back as a passenger in his father Jayson’s Ford F150. Which is when things got even more un-neighborly, according to the Denver Post:
The congresswoman’s husband, Jayson Boebert, reportedly “threatened and yelled” at the person who called deputies “telling them to shut the f-- up.” […]
Jayson Boebert “is looking to fight with everyone in neighborhood,” the reporting party told police. He “claimed someone took a swing at his son.”
The documents also make note that Jayson Boebert is the congresswoman’s husband and at some point, they indicate that someone ran over the mailbox of the person who called deputies.
This account somewhat undersells the drama. Luckily the Post also got its hands on tapes of 911 calls neighbors made to the cops:
By the time the second neighbor called 911, deputies hadn’t yet arrived. During that call, Jayson Boebert reportedly began to run the second neighbor’s mailbox over in a truck.
"There’s about to be some s-- going down here,” the second neighbor told dispatchers. “It’s Lauren Boebert’s jackass husband, Jayson Boebert.”
During the call the second neighbor can be heard yelling at Jayson Boebert.
“Stop, you jackass! Get the f-- out of here,” he yelled. “Come on, man. What are you doing? What did we do wrong?”
The neighbor also called Jayson Boebert “dumb as a post” and suggested he was drunk and armed, a combination that has never gone wrong in all of human history.
Would you like to listen to all this Little House on the Prairie-esque drama? Of course you would:
Ultimately the sheriff’s deputies who responded did not file charges, saying that all parties had agreed to work it out in a neighborly fashion. Which, since Jayson Boebert is involved, we’re guessing involves his neighbors asking for an apology and him sneering and flashing Lil’ Boebert at them, as is his wont. (Lil’ Boebert is his penis.)
Oh well, whatever keeps him occupied while his wife is off rubbing elbows with intellectual luminaries such as Seb Gorka and making a complete ass of herself on the floor of the House of Representatives and being a giant racist towards her co-workers. She's very busy!
Congrats to the Boeberts on the award, maybe it can be in the next Christmas card photo right next to all the guns.