Loser Trump Can't Find Real Lawyers Again
It is a game among lawyering types, to make fun of Donald Trump's bad lawyers. We have engaged in the practice at Wonkette before, probably very gently, as is our style. We hate to generalize — hate it — but nobody wants to work for a loser who incriminates himself every time he opens his mouth and also has a really poor reputation for paying his bills.
Everybody likes a challenge, but not that kind of challenge.
And here we are again, as Trump is easily in the most peril he's ever faced, where anybody can see that if this ends with indictments, he could be going away to prison for a very long time, or at least until he chokes while hurling some jailhouse ketchup at the wall.
The dream team of Washington Post reporters including Carol Leonnig, Josh Dawsey, Jaccqueline Alemany and all the others report on Trump's current inability to find a real damn lawyer yet again. They note that his current legal army is made up, in part, of a "Florida insurance lawyer who’s never had a federal case, a past general counsel for a parking garage company and a former host at far-right One America News." And it's funny because that fucking OAN idiot (Christina Bobb) and the parking garage lady (Alina Habba) are exactly who you keep seeing on TV, just babbling like a common OAN host and making insinuations about planted evidence and whatnot.
But it's not that Trump is so stupid that he thinks these are the good and smart and qualified lawyers that the grownups hire, though he does personally have a reputation for surrounding himself with the absolute stupidest people in the world and thinking he's hit the jackpot.
It's just that everybody is telling him to fuck off:
Former president Donald Trump and close aides have spent the eight days since the FBI searched his Florida home rushing to assemble a team of respected defense lawyers. But the answer they keep hearing is “no.”
“Everyone is saying no,” said a prominent Republican lawyer, wholike some others spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss confidential conversations.
Trump is no stranger to legal proceedings, and his scramble to hire lawyers in the face of an ominous federal probe recalls his predicament in the summer of 2017, when he was under scrutiny from special counsel Robert S. Mueller III in the Russia probe. Once again, Trump is struggling to find a veteran criminal defense lawyer with a strong track record of dealing with the Justice Department in a sprawling, multipronged investigation.
More more more more more.
Longtime confidants and advisers of Trump have grown extremely worried about Trump’s current stable of lawyers, noting that most of them have little to no experience in cases of this type, according to two people familiar with the internal discussions.
Into our veins you go, shoot it right into our veins!
The Post quotes Trump spox Taylor Budowich, who says Trump's legal team is very awesome, and we are just jealous of these other Trump lawyers who are different from the clown car that goes on TV all the time:
“The President’s lead counsel in relation to the raid of his home, Jim Trusty and Evan Corcoran, have decades of prosecutorial experience and have litigated some of the most complex cases in American history," Budowich said. “President Trump is represented by some of the strongest attorneys in the country, and any suggestion otherwise is only driven by envy.”
Well now Taylor Budowich has got us, if that is even Taylor Budowich's real name.
But then the Post goes right back to quoting people gently explaining why nobody wants this gig. They even got Michael Cohen to pile on:
“In olden days, he would tell firms representing him was a benefit because they could advertise off it. Today it’s not the same,” said Michael Cohen, a former lawyer for Trump who was convicted of tax evasion, false statements, campaign finance violations and lying to Congress in 2018. “He’s also a very difficult client in that he’s always pushing the envelope, he rarely listens to sound legal advice, and he wants you to do things that are not appropriate, ethically or legally.”
One lawyer told a story from early in Trump’s presidency of his legal team urging him against tweeting about the Mueller probe, only to find he’d tweeted about it before they got to the end of the West Wing driveway. Several people said Trump was nearly impossible to represent and that it would be unclear if they would ever get paid.
So "Taylor Budowich" says everything is great, and everybody else is talking shit. "Taylor Budowich," we of course note, is paid to say everything is great.
Don't worry, though, because WaPo says Christina Bobb, the OAN idiot, and some other known morons are part of the hunt for some real lawyers for Trump, so we're sure he'll have an announcement soon, and then we'll all be REAL sorry for making fun of all this.
Read the whole report in the Post. There's much more where all this came from.
One more shot before we go?
“This is not good,” one Trump confidant said of the president’s lack of a high-profile white-collar defense lawyer. “Something big is going to pop. Somebody needs to be in charge.”
Yeah, that's the shit right there.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!