Who Wanna Hear Some White Christian A-Hole Compare Having An Abortion To Hiring A Hitman?

Right Wing Extremism
Who Wanna Hear Some White Christian A-Hole Compare Having An Abortion To Hiring A Hitman?

One of the brain wizard genius dumbfucks from Glenn Beck's The Blaze is just really mad about abortion, but she is mad in hilariously unique and stupid ways, so we will allow it to take up space on Wonkette.

Allie Beth Stuckey sounds like she'd be the proprietor of some charming redneck brand of jams and jellies, but no, she is not that cool, she is just some piece of shit.

She was suspended from Twitter in 2021 because she violated the platform's hate speech policies with her anti-trans bigotry. She made an ignorant attack on Taylor Swift in 2019 after Swift disappointed all the white fascist Nazis by becoming more outspokenly political. She said the "beauty" of people like Swift is that they used to be "politically neutral." (Important context: Remember that white supremacists used to have SERIOUS fantasies that Swift was secretly one of them. Also, conservative white Christians commonly whine that they want people and corporations to be "politically neutral" because it so infuriates them that literally nobody who matters respects their vile worldview, and it makes them even madder when people say so out loud. Google the words "remain neutral in the culture war" and you'll see what we mean.)

Stuckey clearly LOVES to speak in this weird language that's like a hybrid of shitty English translations of Bible verses and white fascist propaganda. Here she is explaining why only the kind of Christianity embraced by white evangelical fascists is the right kind:

That's some great big Jesus words there, buddy!

Conveniently, you'll notice the Christianity she is advocating is the style of Christianity its followers usually interpret as a never-expiring free pass to treat their fellow humans like garbage. That's kind of what white evangelical conservatives are known for, after all!

So don't you want to hear about how she thinks having an abortion is just like hiring a hitman, and this therefore is why people who have them need to be punished? Hell yeah!

ALLIE BETH STUCKEY: In some cases, women should share legal responsibility depending on her age, mental capacity, her culpability, whether she was forced or not, the circumstances surrounding the abortion, how old was the baby.

All of these things have always gone into judicial decisions about who bears responsibility for the taking of a person’s life.

Now these women are not the ones committing the murder when they are seeking abortions but they are, many times, knowingly complicit and are paying for it.

I’m not talking about life in prison. I’m not talking about the death penalty. But shouldn’t hiring a hitman to kill a human being bring with it a legal consequence?

Yeah, um, actually if you hire a hitman and the hitman does the murder, you can get life in prison or the death penalty.

Commit to your train of thought or don't, you fuckin' loser fascist.

OK, we have to take a break to laugh at this stupid asshole comparing having an abortion to hiring a hitman.


OK, cool, we can move on now.

But seriously, listen to this dickhead's over-inflated sense of her own piety. If you watch the full clip, you'll hear that she starts out being appalled by women who have abortions and aren't even sorry about it. Betsy Jean Smuckers here is just REAL fuckin' pissed that there are literal billions of people out there who don't give a shit about what people like her have to say, and moreover, don't even seem to think her worldview is worthy of respect. It's a real "bless your fuckin' heart" kinda situation.

STUCKEY: [Some women] are not helpless victims. They were not forced, they were not pressured, they were not even particularly desperate. They weren't ignorant of what they're doing. There are many who do not feel guilt, who do not feel a secret sadness, they know that she's a human, and they ended her life ANYWAY. We have to grapple with this reality!

How dare all those women have abortions and refuse to feel the secret sadness fundamentalist Christians insist they should all feel!

Also, hate to quibble with Stuckey's police work, but fuck off with this "they know that she's a human" shit. Only fundamentalist Christians insist that clumps of cells people don't want to be pregnant with are the same thing as a fully formed "human." Fuck all the way off.

If you want to hear the rest of Stuckey's sermon about how women are godless sinners in need of a few good weeks of damnation, watch above.

The hilarious part about hiring a hitman starts around 2:35, though, so if you have better things to do, just skip straight to that.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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