Trump Judge Orders FBI To Cough Up What They Found In Trump's Pool Shed And ... Oh, Whoops?

Trump Judge Orders FBI To Cough Up What They Found In Trump's Pool Shed And ... Oh, Whoops?
President Trump Meets with President Bolsonaro | President D… | Flickr

Some time this weekend, US District Court Judge Aileen Cannon will probably do a solid for the man who put her on the bench, appointing a Special Master to go back over the documents seized at Mar-a-Lago three weeks ago to weed out the ones subject to attorney-client privilege. Hell, maybe she'll go for broke and allow the master to pull the ones subject to executive privilege, too. Sure, there's a means to assert executive privilege, and it's not by stealing classified documents and stashing them in the pool shed at your country club. And, yes, technically speaking, the Justice Department is part of the executive branch. But, it's a holiday weekend, so YOLO!

But before Judge Cannon drops whatever asinine ruling she's cooking up, we got another peek under the DOJ's skirts today, and, once again, it is not great for Grandpa Klepto. Because when she was bigfooting the by-the-books review process being overseen by US Magistrate Judge Bruce Reinhart, who approved the original warrant, Judge Cannon ordered the FBI to produce a more particularized version of the original receipt for items seized than the one handed to Trump's lawyers on August 8 when it conducted the search. Judge Cannon told prosecutors to docket it under seal, but in their motion objecting to the appointment of a Special Master, the government said it was "prepared, given the extraordinary circumstances, to unseal the more detailed receipt and provide it immediately to Plaintiff."

This can be generously interpreted as a huge FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT for the plaintiff, since they knew damn well that this inventory makes Poppy Lightfingers look — what is the term — guilty as shit. But after spending three weeks screeching for more transparency, Trump's lawyers could hardly object. Which is how we wound up with this deeply incriminating document on the public docket.

Hey, let's take a little looksee at what's in Item #2:

Oh, cool! We've got:

  • 2 US Government Documents with CONFIDENTIAL Classification Markings
  • 15 US Government Documents with SECRET Classification Markings
  • 7 US Government Documents withTOP SECRET Classification Markings
  • 69 US Government Documents/Photographs without Classification Markings
  • 43 Empty Folders with "CLASSIFIED'' Banners
  • 28 Empty Folders Labeled "Return to Staff Secretary Miliary Aide'' [sic]
(There were three pages of itemized boxes like that, though because we are honest, the rest of them couldn't hold a candle in the wind to that one!)

What the hell was in those 71 empty folders? And where is it now?

If Your Wonkette were the conspiracy-minded type, we might be wondering if that was highly sensitive classified data which the former president had already disposed of in some fashion. We can only imagine the paroxysms of paranoid fearmongering our pals at the Gateway Pundit would be indulging in were this Hillary Clinton's basement in Chappaqua.

But we are not a bunch of frothing assholes, so we will reserve judgment on that one for the moment, noting that several of the prosecutors' filings have described documents as "unfoldered," so it's entirely possible that the nation's secrets just came apart from their covers when they were being stolen from the White House, tossed randomly into boxes, and stashed next to the former president's winter sweaters in his South Florida garbage palace.

But, while we're looking closely at this clusterfuck, let's note that this box of purloined secrets came from the "Office," AKA the "45 Office," AKA the bridal suite at Mar-a-Lago which Trump has taken over to conduct his government in exile. Which rather gives the lie to Trump's lawyers' promises to the FBI that all government documents were locked away safely in the pool shed.

Meanwhile, former Attorney General Bill Barr has noped the hell out of this one, much to the disappointment of his pals at Fox.

And when you've lost Jowly Roy Cohn ...

[Trump v. US, Docket via Court Listener]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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