Sarah Palin Pretty Sure She’ll Win Election If Everyone Else Kindly Quits Race Halfway Through

Elections
Sarah Palin Pretty Sure She’ll Win Election If Everyone Else Kindly Quits Race Halfway Through

Last week, Representative-Elect Mary Peltola defeated our favorite punchline, Sarah Palin, in the special election to finish the late Don Young’s House term. Palin, ever the gracious loser, blamed Alaska’s ranked-choice voting system, which Alaska voters overwhelmingly prefer to Palin. She also blames fellow Republican Nick Begich, who rudely also ran in the race.

PREVIOUSLY: Sarah Palin First Place Loser In Alaska US House Special Election

Now, Palin demands that Begich drop out of the race for the next full House term so that she can win, damnit! She made her appeal Monday, which was the deadline for candidates to withdraw from the November general election.

The Associated Press reports:

“He keeps calling me a quitter," she told reporters, adding later: "And now he wants me, the one who is clearly the only true conservative in this race who can win, he wants me to quit! Now that's the real joke. Sorry, Nick. I never retreat, I reload.”

Enough already with the gun imagery!

Begich is hammering the former governor who resigned before the end of her first term amid ethics violations. It’s hard to run as someone who never quits when you’re a well-documented quitter.


Palin reportedly racked up about $500,000 in legal fees related to the 15 ethics charges filed against her during her two and half years in office. She literally retreated rather than “reloading” financially. She should consider a more apt catchphrase, like “I Quit Things.”

It’s true that Begich was the first candidate eliminated after neither Peltola nor Palin exceeded the necessary 50 percent threshold. However, despite what Palin and Sen. Tom Cotton from Arkansas insist, ranked-choice voting isn’t why Palin lost the instant runoff. Palin needed roughly 70 percent of Begich’s voters to rank her as their second choice, but she’s such a toxic candidate, only half of his supporters could bear to do so. C’mon, Palin’s own former in-laws campaigned for Begich.

Based on her current tactics and rhetoric, she’s not focused on improving her performance with Begich supporters. She insists she’s the “only true conservative,” but Begich is hardly some RINO. He’s solidly rightwing, just not a known flake. Palin is Donald Trump’s pick, but that doesn’t seem decisive in Alaska.

PALIN: It is time for the GOP to unite, we need to unite behind my candidacy and starting today with Nick Begich withdrawing from this race.

She didn’t just demand that Begich quit. She suggested that he “swallow a little pride” and hit the campaign trail on her behalf. She clearly didn’t bring any carrots to her stick-throwing session.

Begich predictably declined Palin’s less-than-polite request to give her the race and instead released a statement reminding everyone how much she sucks at this.

BEGICH: Ranked choice voting showed that Palin simply doesn’t have enough support from Alaskans to win an election and her performance in the Special was embarrassing as a former governor and vice presidential candidate.

"You only barely beat my sorry ass” isn’t much of a flex, but it is true that you’d expect a better performance from Sarah Palin, assuming you didn’t know anything about Sarah Palin. She’s terrible. After going full Bobby Newport, Palin transitioned to rationalizing why she cut-and-ran as governor. Remember all those ethics complaints — 15! — filed against her? Well, those ethics complaints she just told voters about again were “frivolous” and “distractions” from the job she quit. At this point, she’s better off pretending she’s not that Sarah Palin. Maybe drop the “h” in Sarah. She might improve her numbers.

However, Palin had a contingency plan if Begich didn’t withdraw: Now, she claims, "you'll be able to see us not just talking the talk but walking the walk that we've not yet begun to fight.”

Wow.

Mary Peltola might safely consider a longterm rental in Washington DC.


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[Associated Press]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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