'America First' Conservatives Sure Do Love Their British Monarchy!

White Nonsense
'America First' Conservatives Sure Do Love Their British Monarchy!

The Queen is dead and likely to remain so. Her Majesty had a good run. She produced one genuinely awesome daughter, who once told attempted kidnappers to fuck off, and three otherwise useless male heirs. I don't think "son who's a king" balances out "son who's accused of sexual assault on a minor," but maybe Her Majesty considered it a wash.

Right-wingers in America are in genuine mourning. It's not a surprise that they would embrace the monarchy. An inherently white supremacist, elitist institution is their jam. However, they've been weird as hell about it.

Professional terrible person Laura Ingraham declared the Queen "the gutsiest and most courageous woman of the past 100 years." This is a curious description of a monarch who studiously avoided controversy. That was the whole point. You can love the Queen more than high tea and still recognize that she was hardly an activist.

The Queen probably wouldn't have appreciated Ingraham vulgarly using Her Majesty's memory as a bludgeon against political enemies. Ingraham seized on this moment to attack Hillary's and Chelsea Clinton's book turned Apple TV series "Gutsy Women," which celebrates women such as Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Mary Ritter Beard, Harriet Tubman, Edith Windsor, and Malala Yousafzai.

Ingraham was very upset, it seems, that Clinton didn't include a portrait of the famously overlooked, underreported Queen Elizabeth II. The Queen doesn't need Hillary and Chelsea when she has Claire Foy, Olivia Colman, and Helen Mirren.

We get it: Ingraham likely loathes all the women Hillary and Chelsea recognize. But their book and TV series isn't the defining word on "gutsy women." They're under no obligation to please Ingraham, who can go yell at Melania Trump if she wants conservative-approved icons memorialized.

Hillary Clinton clapped back at Ingraham this morning. She tweeted, "Thanks for getting the word out about #Gutsy, Laura. A book now turned @AppleTVPlus docuseries, it was a challenge to narrow down who to feature because — it's true — there are just too many amazing women in the world."

If Ingraham was typically petty about the Queen's death, fairytale troll Stephen Miller was predictably racist.

Thursday, dime store Goebbels shared this bizarre tweet: "Her Royal Majesty’s passing is not only a tragedy for England, Britain, the UK & Commonwealth but all decent people everywhere. Queen Elizabeth was our last link to a lost age of magic and glory, radiating our world with light. After a life of service she rests in God’s Kingdom."

The Queen was 96 years old. She wasn't assassinated. She died from natural causes. It is certainly a personal blow to her loved ones, but not quite what I'd describe as a collective tragedy. Also, what the fuck does Mr. "America First" mean by "our last link to a lost age of magic and glory?" We're not British. (And I don't think many tears were shed in Ireland.)

"America First" was always a white nationalist mantra. Any actual Americans who are minorities or LGBTQ come a distant second in Miller's worldview. He also boasted about the British Empire's great contributions to "art, science, literature, culture, philosophy and the expansion of personal rights and political freedom." Look, I love Benny Hill as much as the next guy, but didn't America fight a war with Britain over personal rights and political freedom? Wrong again, Yankee, apparently: Miller argues that woke schools are incorrectly teaching that "our Founders rebelled against the British system itself. Colonists wanted self-rule and independence. The whole American experiment is grounded in British common law, natural rights and political philosophy—eternal treasures all."

Britain wasn't even a democracy when the American experiment began. That was an ongoing source of tension between the nations for several decades. How can you read the Declaration of Independence and not understand that colonists were rebelling against the "British system itself," specifically an unhinged monarch? Miller doesn't just have a soft spot for power-mad tyrants. He also swoons over the monarchy in general, even in its less powerful, slightly more respectable Kardashians model.

Dig this shit: "Key to monarchy is its mystery. Key to its mystery is that monarchs descend from an ancient line of fabled kings and queens. Though it may not be apparent now, a longterm concern for UK monarchy will be if, due to marriages, future monarchs have same family trees as their subjects."

Americans apparently are supposed to find the "mystery" of in-bred aristocrats extremely compelling. "All men are created equal" wasn't fully practiced for a long while, but the concept in theory is preferable to an openly classist system.

Miller is descended from eastern European Jews but kneels to the British monarchy. It's pathetic.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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