Everybody Hates Lindsey Graham's Stupid Abortion Ban, Especially His Republican Colleagues

This is the headline in Politico Playbook this morning:

POLITICO Playbook: Did Lindsey Graham just score an own goal on abortion?

When Lindsey Graham announced that he was going to introduce a 15-week abortion ban, seemingly to try to turn the tables on Democrats to make the Democrats look like monsters, we laughed and laughed and wondered if a Democrat had somehow blackmailed Lindsey into doing this.

Because really, could he have done anything goddamn stupider, if he wants Republicans to win in November? Americans are seething over the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court that Donald Trump and Republicans stole, and what that illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court did this summer when they overturned Roe v. Wade. They're voting against Republicans every chance they get, and voting for abortion.

VOTING AGAINST! What? Beltway Idiots Might Have Gotten Midterms And Voter Rage About Abortion All Wrong? WHAAAT?

VOTING FOR! Michigan Supreme Court Says Suck It, Fascists, Everybody Gets To Vote On Abortion

Republican candidates are panicking, trying to pretend they're not really anti-abortion extremists (they are). Beltway pundits seem suddenly much less certain that conventional wisdom will hold and the first midterm elections under a Democratic presidency will be a red wave, and a big reason for that is what the Supreme Court did.

And Lindsey Graham just took a big dump in the middle of the room and made it worse for them.

THEY'RE PRETENDING! Blake Masters Here! Can You Tell Me What Abortion Position You Want Me To Adopt And I'll Adopt It?

Republicans are not pleased. Not because they don't believe in this or because they aren't anti-abortion ghouls — again, they are! — but because this really could not be worse timing. Is this Lindsey Graham's first day in politics?

During Graham's press conference yesterday, he said he had "spoken to [his] colleagues" about his bill, and that "the ladies behind me are going to speak to my colleagues!" (There were anti-abortion ladies behind him.) Then he started giggling like a crazy person, adding that he was pretty sure his colleagues would listen to the ladies behind him. (Graham seemed very excited to have "the ladies behind me" behind him. Like, overly excited. It was uncomfortable.)

Was Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell informed Lindsey Graham would suddenly be doing a 15-week ban, Graham was asked? "No, I like Mitch, but no, I just sorta like spoke to the ladies behind me and they said would you go from 20 to 15 weeks. I said yeah, and here we are!" So that's just some good planning right there.

McConnell was asked about Graham's ban, not long after Graham's press conference. He did not seem amused, by Graham, or the ladies behind Graham.

Would McConnell put Graham's bill on the floor if Republicans won the Senate, like Lindsey Graham promised? "I think most of the members of my conference prefer that this be dealt with at the state level," replied McConnell. And that was just about it! Have fun living underneath the bus Mitch McConnell just threw you under, Lindsey Graham!

NBC News reports that Republicans are seeing Graham's bill as “a distraction that divides the GOP and reminds voters that most of them see the party as too extreme on abortion.” Their reporting features quotes from GOP strategists and advisers all over the country saying things like "bad idea" and "stupid, just stupid" and "Graham's actions are practically inexplicable politically." Politico says its sources are “highly perplexed at Graham’s decision to introduce a new abortion ban — more conservative than his previous proposals — at a precarious moment for the party.”

GOP Senator Shelley Moore Capito of West Virginia said, “I’m not sure what he’s thinking here. But I don’t think there will be a rallying around that concept.” John Cornyn of Texas: “That wasn’t a conference decision. It was an individual senator’s decision.” He added that his "preference" would be for this to be handled on a "state-by-state basis."

Ron Johnson from Wisconsin told ABC News that "It's got to be decided in the states," adding that he thought that was "appropriate." But as Ruth Conniff notes in the Wisconsin Examiner, in real life Johnson is totally on board with Graham's stupid bill, since he's been a cosponsor of it in six previous years. Are we really to believe Johnson has such a big problem with Graham turning his previous 20-week ban into a 15-week ban or suddenly has feelings about abortion being legislated by the states? Or is Johnson in a hard re-election race and understands that America is really fucking pissed at Republicans about abortion right now, so he's trying to distance himself from Lindsey Graham busting in like the Kool-Aid man on a bender with all his new anti-abortion girlfriends?

Again, do not kid yourselves. The problem here for Republicans is not "national abortion ban." It is "national abortion ban REALLY? RIGHT NOW, LINDSEY GRAHAM? YOU FOOL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?"

The only sitting Republican senator we've seen express support is South Dakota's John Thune.

Playbook notes that among Republican Senate candidates, Herschel Walker is excited. His brain is broken, so of course he is:

“Raphael Warnock wants to protect the killing of babies right up to the moment of birth. We need to do better,” Walker said in a statement to POLITICO. “I am a proud pro-life Christian, and I will always stand up for our unborn children. I believe the issue should be decided at the state level, but I WOULD support this policy.”

So that's a pretty big lie right there, but it's Walker so we're used to it.

IT'S WALKER! WE'RE USED TO IT! Does Herschel Walker Lie To His Own Campaign? You Betcha! Any More Secret Kids? You Never Know!

Meanwhile, some confusion over there in Arizona in the Blake Masters camp:

Republican Senate nominees in Colorado and Washington said absolutely not and hell no. Joe O'Dea, the Colorado GOP nominee, called it "reckless and tone deaf."

Democrats are happy, though!

Playbook shares a quote from a Democrat they talked to: “Graham’s stunt is a godsend and helps us remind voters Republicans want to ban abortion everywhere.” Like Wonkette said, Lindsey literally made them a free campaign ad.

LIKE WONKETTE SAID! Lindsey Graham Nice Enough To Make Free Campaign Ad About Abortion, For Democrats

Not only that, but Politico reports that the Biden White House was downright amazed Lindsey Graham did that specifically yesterday, considering how the White House had scheduled its Inflation Reduction party on a day when the inflation report was shitty and markets were reeling. “Dems might need to send gift baskets and champagne to Graham and other Republicans for their selfless act of service today," said a Democratic official.

So at least somebody loves Lindsey Graham today.

Haha just kidding, nobody actually loves Lindsey Graham. John McCain sort of used to maybe, but he dead.

in summary and in conclusion, the end.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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