Lindsey Graham Still Running His Facehole About Abortion, So Have A Blessed Day, Mitch McConnell!

The Associated Press has a dispatch from Columbus, Wisconsin, where independent voters share how grossed out they are by how Republicans are destroying abortion rights and democracy. It's a gold mine for quotes. There's the 61-year-old Republican-leaning dude who complains about how "Trump stacked the Supreme Court" and the Dobbs decision was a "partisan hand grenade Trump threw into this election.” There's the 29-year-old independent voter who says she's being "forced to" vote for Democrats, because of what Republicans have done to abortion. There's the 68-year-old woman who says, “A right has been taken away from us,” and, “I question if a woman’s right to vote will be taken away. A woman’s right for birth control.”

That's how all this is playing out there among regular-ass Americans. And we knew that. It's not some kind of mystery that regular Americans are horrified by what the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court has done, or that Lindsey Graham's genius idea for a national abortion ban might not play well.

So this is probably an awesome time for Graham to put his hand on his hip and keep telling us how he's hanging with the anti-abortion mean girls now, and they'll decide when the wimminfolks are allowed to have abortions, thank you very much.

It was dumb as hell last week, and it's dumb as hell this week. (Will Saletan has a great piece today on just how exceptionally stupid it is, politically.)

After Graham's disastrous Fox News interview Sunday, where he planted his feet and said he didn't care if people think he's fucking it all up for the Republicans — citing delusional fantasyland numbers about how "70 percent" of the country is with him on this — he was back on Fox News this morning, just digging the hole deeper.

Graham continued with his stupid talking points about how he doesn't want America to be North Korea or Chiiiiiiina — heavy South Carolina accent recommended if you're reading out loud — when it comes to abortion, as if that makes sense to anybody who isn't currently huffing fentanyl-laced anti-abortion bath salts.

He said, "This is not a states' rights issue," even though it's been documented one billion times that he claimed to believe it was a states' rights issue a mere month ago (he was lying then). We guess he's just so excited those anti-abortion women who stood behind him in his press conference are treating him like their very cool friend, so he's spouting off garbage like "abortion is a human rights issue."

Getting his dander up, Graham said, "at 15 weeks, a baby sucks its thumb!" Additionally, "at 20 weeks you're encouraged to sing to a child!" So obviously according to science you cannot abort fetus past 15 weeks because it is very busy attempting to eat its hand. And then a few weeks later, you will put a megaphone on your pregnant belly and let Lindsey Graham scream that "Proud To Be An American" song at it, and your fetus wouldn't want to miss that.

Talk about some fuckin' FOMO, for your fetus, should it end up 'borted.

Sounding like he was about to cry, Graham confessed out loud, where everybody could hear him, that he wants to ban California from doing abortions he doesn't personally approve of.

He continued to lie about what abortion access looks like in Europe, claiming that passing his 15-week ban would make us just like Europe. It would not make us just like Europe.

He finished with some blubbering about how he's not going to sit on the sidelines and watch a baby at "30 weeks, 28 weeks be dismembered." Which is just absolute bullshit, and one of the vilest lies these psychofascist cumrags tell. (On Fox this weekend, he was worried about the dismembering happening at 38 weeks. So we guess he's not exactly sure when all these things are happening, he just knows he's been told — probably by those anti-abortion ladies who text him just to say what's up! — that they're happening.)

So all of this is cool.

Also on Fox News this morning, RNC chair Ronna McRomney said Republicans should put Democrats on the defensive about "due date abortion," because we all know how Democrats go in for abortions on their due dates. She also seemed to suggest that Republicans run against sex-selective abortions in China, and we've got to say, we agree, American Democrats should not perform any sex-selective abortions in China. Cut it out, BRANDON.

Go back and read that paragraph about how this shit is playing with independents in Wisconsin. Maybe if Ron Johnson loses he can send Lindsey Graham a nice flower arrangement, or a flaming bag of shit on his front porch.

Now imagine how that's playing literally everywhere else and who else might want to send Lindsey Graham a burning poop arrangement.

In his interview this weekend, Graham addressed extremist anti-abortion voters — using the silly term "pro-life" — but to us it sounded more like a warning to normal Americans what Republicans really plan to do with abortion rights:

“Here’s the question for the pro-life movement: Are you going to accept the Republican Party who tells you Washington is out of business?” Graham asked. “I don’t think you will. I don’t think you should.”

Sorry about that Senate majority you've been hoping for, Mitch McConnell. Lindsey Graham is busy having principles right now.

Keep talking, you blabbering trash fires. You're doing amazing.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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