We have a Winner Winner Chicken Dinner for stupidest reaction to New York Attorney General Tish James suing the Trump family businesses into oblivion in her noble effort to fucking end them. It comes from Lara Trump, admitted wife of Eric, who stands to have to get a job as a Walmart greeter if the family has to give back all its grifting crime money. Know who is not qualified for that job? Lara Trump. (Why? Because first thing, they are supposed to have a "sunny disposition." Second thing, they are supposed to check customers' receipts for discrepancies and cough cough WTF y'all think Tish James has been investigating here?)

FUCKING END THEM! New York AG Tish James Sues To End All Trump Business Like A Common Trump Charity

Yeah, so anyway, here's old Sunny Disposition herself, blabbermouthing that because Tish James investigated Eric Trump's charity, which in part raised money for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, which treats children with cancer, then KIDS WITH CANCER DIED BECAUSE OF TISH JAMES! How many kids with cancer wouldn't have died if Tish James hadn't STOPPED ERIC TRUMP FROM SAVING THE KIDS WITH CANCER!

“This is a woman who — people may not know this — my husband started a charity to raise money for kids at Saint Jude Children’s Hospital when he was 22 years old.

“He raised $30 million for the kids at Saint Jude, and Letitia James has such vitriol and hatred with the last name Trump that she decided to investigate my husband’s charity despite the fact that it had one of the lowest expense ratios of any private charity in America.

“And unfortunately, guess who was hurt by that? It wasn’t my husband. It’s the kids of Saint Jude.

“Who knows how many kids have died unnecessarily thanks to her investigation and just vitriol and hatred for anyone with the last name Trump?”

Hahahahahahahahahaha fuck you, asshole.

Few things here:

1. The scammy nature of the Trump charities is well-known, so much so that NY AG James did in fact shut down the Trump Foundation slush fund for criming and other slushes too. Then there was the Eric Trump Foundation, which seemed to be the only one of them that actually tried to do any good, but as time went on it also became apparent that young Eric's foundation was getting really good at funneling money toward Daddy's businesses. Lara Trump talks about how Eric's charity had such a low expense ratio, but if you read the big Forbes expose from 2017, you'll see how that low expense ratio was kind of fake. Donors were told their money was all going to kids with cancer, and that Daddy Trump was donating his golf courses and other things free of charge. But it turned out the Trump Organization was in actuality charging the Eric Trump Foundation a premium for its services. And why? Because Donald Trump lost his shit when he found out kids with cancer might be getting some of the money he felt entitled to.

Yay! Laundering charitable donations between family members is fun and easy! Anyway, Tish James didn't even shut down Eric Trump's foundation, she just started asking questions and he stopped the whole thing. Even though we think she should have.

2. St. Jude is awesome. This writer lives in Memphis, and it is easy to forget what a treasure we have here, simply because we're used to it being omnipresent in our lives. And we do mean "omnipresent." You see, St. Jude is not some underfunded nonprofit just tryin' to get by, worried about how it's going to make payroll next month. St. Jude has sofuckingmuchmoney, and Eric Trump taking his toys and going home just because the investigators are poking around isn't going to do much for its bottom line.

As ProPublica explained last year — in sort of a hit piece that you really don't need to read, to be honest, as it seems extremely confused how large nonprofits even work — in 2020, St. Jude raised $2 billion. In 2019 it was $1.7 billion. At that time it was sitting on $5.2 billion in reserves. It doesn't spend all its money every year. These are billions with a "b." This is way, way bigger than Trump money, even the fake kind he claims to have that he doesn't actually have.

So no, go fuck yourself, Lara Trump, kids did not die because Letitia James did investigations into the Trumps. And what a flaming piece of shit you are to use kids with cancer as props for bitching and moaning about the fact that your worthless trash family might be finally starting to get its comeuppance for everything it's inflicted on the world.

KIDS CANCER CHARITY PIE! SHOCKER! Donald Trump Stuck His Stubby Fingers In Kids-Cancer-Charity Pie

HOT TUB OF ACID! Trump Foundation Dissolved Like It Was Dipped In Hot Tub Of Acid

Having said that!

The first runner up in the contest for stupidest reaction to Tish James ruining the whole Trump family's life is former Attorney General Bill Barr, who just started blubbering on Fox News about THINK OF THE CHILDREN! I BELIEVE THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE! CAREFUL THE THINGS YOU SAY, TISH JAMES, CHILDREN WILL LISTEN!

He was talking about the Trump children. He said that the children are not "expected in the real world to due their own due diligence" and that you can tell this is a witch hunt because James is going after the poor children. Really.

For some perspective, while it's been said that when he was in college, Don Jr. was about as good at using the big boy bathroom as a common toddler, the Trump children are 44, 40, and 38.

They were executive vice presidents of his company (and not even in the kind of no-show jobs you'd expect!), they were directors of his charity, one of them was a senior adviser to the president of the United States (UGH). They know what they did.

Somebody do please stop the crazy lady if she tries to take Barron's allowance, though, that would just be rude.

[transcript via JoeMyGod]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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