Donate

Catch Me, If You Can! Wonkagenda For Mon., March 25, 2019

popular

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Robert Mueller concluded his Trump-Russia investigation on Friday, and yesterday Trump's AG Bill Barr said Mueller concluded that Trump and Putin didn't concoct a scheme to steal the 2016 election, "despite multiple offers from Russia-affiliated individuals to assist the Trump campaign." While Mueller concluded that Trump World was slick (or dumb) enough not to get caught, his team was less conclusive on potential obstruction of justices charges, stating that while the report "does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him." According to Barr's summary of Mueller's report, Mueller's team wrestled with whether or not Trump's incessant shitposting and screaming constituted obstruction of justice. Trump World has since launched a scorched Earth campaign of vengeance aimed at Democrats and the media, and is shouting over calls from progressives to release Mueller's full report. This morning, Trump has (naturally) been shitposting about #Merica ahead of a planned victory lap around MAGA country, while his TV lawyers ceaselessly scream "no collusion" and "vindication." [Barr Summary]

Mueller's inability to say if Trump obstructed justice is now the talk of the town. While the report MIGHT have given Nancy Pelosi some breathing room to focus on additional investigations into Trump fuckery, crowds are still calling to IN PEACH. There is also a growing chorus for AG Barr to release ALL THE THINGS in the Mueller report so the public has more than just some half-assed summary from one of Trump's cronies.

Federal prosecutors have dropped charges against 188 people accused of rioting during Trump's inauguration. Not only that, but the DOJ is admitting it royally screwed up after one former DOJ prosecutor was found to be playing fast and loose with evidence, and dropped the charges with prejudice -- so the government can't bring charges against any of the inauguration protesters again.

Federal courts have not been kind to Betsy DeVos, consistently thwarting her efforts to scale back Obama-era protections for students. The Trump administration's battle to screw student borrowers and give handouts to shady for-profit schools has gone on largely behind the scenes, but they keep shooting themselves in the foot thanks to their own incompetence.

It's no secret people with ties to big energy companies have been welcomed into the Trump administration with arms as wide open as collection plates, but the Center for Investigative Reporting's Reveal has dug up audio of oil industry execs bragging about their "direct access" to Trump officials. With David Barnhardt, the oil industry lobbyist tapped to replace disgraced former Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, set to face the Senate's Energy and Natural Resources Committee on Thursday, Reveal's story poses serious questions about Barnhardt's ability to separate himself from all the Captain Planet villains he's friends with.

ICYMI: Large swaths of the farm belt are still underwater, forcing Iowa voters to think about the inconvenient truth of climate change. This comes as the Senate is getting ready to consider debating proposals laid out in the Green New Deal, and Republicans double-down on their efforts to skull fuck Mother Earth.

A new Emerson poll shows South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg rocketing to third place in Iowa. Buttigieg hasn't technically declared himself to be a 2020 Democratic candidate, but now that he's just behind Biden and Bernie it's safe to say #HesRunning.

As many as a million people flooded the streets of London demanding an end to the convoluted Brexit process over the weekend. The crushing throng of people caused UK Chancellor Philip Hammond to say that a "second referendum should be considered," even if there isn't enough support in Parliament to cancel Brexit (yet). Smelling blood, conservative MPs are now calling for the head of Prime Minister Theresa May (again), penning bitchy op-eds, and grousing about how she couldn't get a good deal that avoids "no-deal" (even if that's what pro-Brexiters wanted all along). Late this morning, Reuters, citing reports from ITV, reported that May has told Brexiters that she'd quit-fire herself if MPs voted for her thrice defeated deal.

Russian President Vladimir Putin is already tugging on Trump's leash and asking for some TLC now that Robert Mueller is no longer giving Russian hackers the stink eye. "There's a chance to renew much in our relations," writes Konstantin Kosachyov, the chair of the international relations committee in Russia's upper house of parliament, "but the question is whether Trump will take the risk."

Compared to India, Russia and China, the computer science geeks in the US are doing a hell of a lot better upon graduating college, according to a new study. On top of doing better than the "shithole countries" who keep trying to steal all our base on the Interwebs, the study shows the gender disparities in nerd world are much smaller in the US than they are in other countries.

The California man who laid out naked mannequins in sexy poses to piss off a nosy neighbor tells police someone stole his sexy mannequins -- and that's AFTER he installed a "guard" mannequin with a helmet to keep an eye on things!

And here's your morning Nice Time! FRANCOIS LANGUR BABIES!

Francois Langur Female Baby Debut www.youtube.com

Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!

We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

$
Donate with CC

Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

News

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc