Dear Diary. Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 4, 2019

Dear Diary. Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 4, 2019

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Anonymous officials from Robert Mueller's team are telling WaPo and the New York Times that they're pissed AG Bill Barr is trying to cover up all their work on the Trump-Russia investigation. According to officials, they wrote their own summaries of the various sections of the reports, and things were not as rosy as Barr says. One official complained to WaPo that evidence Trump obstructed justice was "much more acute than Barr suggested," and that Barr was trying to create a narrative of NO COLLUSION by releasing his little book report, and declaring a bunch of stuff classified. The Times reports that Barr was also concerned about coming across as a common Comey, so he decided not to release any mean things about Trump. [Morning Maddow]

House Democrats have told the IRS they want six years of Trump's personal and business tax returns. In a statement, House Ways and Means chair Richard Neal said Congress "has responsibility to conduct oversight of our voluntary federal tax system and determine how Americans — including those elected to our highest office — are complying with those laws." Trump immediately told Congress to fuck off (again), and babbled some bullshit about (still) being under audit "for many years because the numbers are big." The request would span almost the entirety of Trump's shady business empire, and unnamed officials tell WaPo that Trump will likely take the issue to SCOTUS where he'll get a crash course in tax law and the Teapot Dome scandal that brought down the administration of Warren G. Harding. [Morning Maddow]

Funky shit's going down at Mar-a-Lago! But don't worry, they arrested the obvious Chinese spy (??) at the President's home and now someone's started investigating!

Jared Kushner has been ID'd as "SENIOR WHITE HOUSE OFFICIAL 1" who was repeatedly denied a security clearance. We still don't know specifically why Kushner was denied a security clearance, or why John Kelly downgraded Kushner's clearance last year, but it probably has something to do with all his debt and shady Not American friends. On Monday, the little prince sat down with Laura Ingraham to whitewash his extended family's ALLEGED criming.

Emily Jane Fox gossips that Melon Trump's former minion Stephanie Winston Wolkoff is on the list of potential witnesses to the Trump administration's shenanigans with Not America. According to EJF, Wolkoff has been asked to turn over everything related to the inaugural: planning charts, employee information, donor lists, guest lists, budgets, invoices, and more. I wonder if she kept any receipts?

A number of Democrats and even some Republicans are thinking about raising taxes on gasoline to fund infrastructure projects. Naturally they're being greeted by the same anti-tax neo-con blowhards who always seem to bubble up from the swamp whenever anyone tries to build new bridges and schools.

Mitch McConnell dropped his nuclear nomination bomb on the Senate yesterday. McConnell's already well on his way to shoving every conservative swamp creature into the government, confirming Jeffrey Kessler as assistant secretary of Commerce by voice vote following a two hour post-cloture debate.

Colorado Democratic Sen. Mike Bennet tells the Colorado Independent that #HesRunning ... if his doctor says he doesn't have prostate cancer. Bennet is set to go under the knife on April 11, and tells the Independent that his cancer diagnosis is "a brief healthcare speedbump." He adds that it's important to have good healthcare and checkups before stating, "The idea that the richest county in the world hasn't figured out how to have universal health care is beyond embarrassing. It's devastating."

After Nancy Pelosi roasted his ass for trying to come for the Speaker's gavel with a half-baked scheme and some mean tweets, Ohio Democratic Rep. Tim Ryan is rumored to announce #HesRunning. Buzzfeed notes that Ryan has been trying to move on up to a different side of the Hill for years, incensed that he's STILL sitting at the kids table in the House. Poor baby!

Fox News says it will host a town hall with Bernie Sanders on April 15 since he's the closest thing to a Democrat that will go on their network. Later tonight Fox will host a town hall with Howard Schultz where he's expected to rationalize poor-fucking (again).

Joe Biden released a video saying he's going to stop touching people when he does grip'n grins on the campaign trail (IF #HesRunning). "Social norms have begun to change," Biden says staring into a camera like a bad after school special, "And the boundaries of protecting personal space have been reset. And I get it. I get it. I hear what they're saying. I understand it. And I'll be much more mindful. That's my responsibility."

A Bay Area redneck has been shitcanned after berating a woman for speaking Spanish to her infant in a gas station, and demanding her birth certificate. The employee is now rumored to be in the running for a Cabinet position in Trump's White House.

A West Virginia woman who pulled a gun on an Egyptian immigrant and accused him of trying to kidnap her daughter now says she made up the story. Local police say the incident was a "cultural misunderstanding" after the woman couldn't keep her story straight upon the release of video footage that showed the man patting the woman's daughter on the head. The incident has been touted by the NRA's Dana Loesch as "Another reason why mamas like me support #2A."

A new book by Politico's Jake Sherman and Anna Palmer recounts how Trump has spent the last three years being a media obsessed crybaby, offering all the gossipy anecdotes and stories you've come to expect. Palmer and Sherman reveal how Trump grumps about "Sloppy" Steve Bannon during policy meetings, and forced Steve Scalise to vet Mike Pence. There's also bits about Martha McSally's "testosterone," Shadow Secretary Sean Hannity, and how Jared Kushner thinks we spend so much on anchor babies locked up in Trump's baby jails that he once joked, "They might as well put them up at the Four Seasons Hotel in Georgetown." Ha. Haha. Ha ha.

Samantha Bee takes a look at the some of the new rightwing abortion bans, and how Justice Rapey McPrivilege has emboldened Jesus freaks to put their hands on lady parts across America.

Roe V. Wade V. Everyone | April 3, 2019 Act 1 | Full Frontal on

And here's your morning Nice Time! ENGLISH WATER DOGGOS!

Orange Seals on British Shores | BBC

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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