Morning Wonketariat! Sorry we're late, we had backend problems. (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.) Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Part of the reason for Trump's early morning shitfit on Twitter yesterday was Robert Mueller agreed to limit his oral and written questioning with Trump to coordinated Russian fuckery and obstruction of justice. According to the New York Times, Trump REALLY wants to sit down with Mueller. This is a lie.

On day two of the Manafort trial we learned Judge Ellis has got jokes, and Manafort has the fashion sense a Eurotrash gigolo.

The Senate unanimously okayed the release of transcripts between ALLEGED Russian spy Maria Butina and the Senate Intel Committee. Do you think she glossed over her her sexy times with Republicans and the NRA?

Robert Mueller's legacy will be exposing rampant foreign fuckery on K Street, and forcing lobbyists to shit their fancy suits as they scramble to comply with the Foreign Agents Registration Act.

ICE officials are denying charges from an attorney group that a child died while being detained at a baby jail outside of San Antonio. In a corrected tweet, one of the lawyers levying the charge now says the child died shortly after being released, HOWEVER, nothing has been confirmed (yet).

A federal appeals court has ruled that the Trump administration can't withhold federal funding from sanctuary cities since it doesn't have the power of the purse. That's Civics 101!

A new WaPo analysis found Trump has made 4,229 false or misleading claims in 558 days. That's an average of 7.6 lies PER DAY, double the amount of garbage words he's spewed in less than a year.

Several states are suing the Trump administration for attempting to "let Obamacare implode," violating Article II of the Constitution. Yesterday, Trump called in to Rush Limbaugh and actually bragged about jacking up the cost of health insurance, and killing the individual mandate ... you know, admitting a crime (again).

The TSA is considering cutting screening at 150 smaller airports in order to save money. What's the point of a 3D-printed plastic gun when nobody will even search you for the shampoo bottle you're going to use to take control of a gas-powered missile?

An AP investigation has found that a major political donor to both Republicans and Democrats has been helping shady and illegal businesses launder money and skirt transparency rules. Good thing he gave Trump $1 million, it'll help the company that secretly catered to diaper fetishists.

The Interior IG is investigating Interior Secretary and grifty bastard Ryan Zinke over his plans to build a strip mall and microbrewery with Halliburton in Whitefish, Montana.

It may have taken several years, but Trump finally found some "inner city" pastors (read: black people) willing to sit around a table and worship him.

According to Trump, a government shutdown would be great for sweeps week. It'd make great ratings for ... someone.

The Trump administration's inability to act on Russian election fuckery is causing real fears among election officials and cyber security experts who say we're already in an information war, and we're losing.

The Senate passed the $708 billion NDAA 87-10. It increases the number of active duty troops, raises military pay, adds MORE F-35s and warships, and kind of neuters Trump's military parade (but not really).

The DCCC has added four women to its Red to Blue program, Lucy McBath (GA-06), Dana Balter (NY-24), Kara Eastman (NE-02), and MJ Hegar (TX-31). That's a total of 63 seats being targeted! HURRAY!

New text messages show an Ohio State wrestling coach trying to shut up students accusing Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan of ignoring sexual abuse. Jordan really seems to want those boys to shut up, grease down, and grapple, doesn't he?

Anti-violence protesters in Chicago are expected to shut down Lakeshore Drive and march to Wrigley Field. It's unclear if marchers will storm Wrigley, but police are (as usual) threatening mass arrests if anyone tries to touch the grass.

Illinois Republican state Rep. Nick Sauer has resigned after allegations that he catfished men for TWO YEARS using naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend.

The Catholic church has released the names of 71 people accused of child sex abuse since the 1940s in advance of an interim grand jury report on sexual abuse allegations by six Roman Catholic dioceses in Pennsylvania.

The Pope announced that the Church found the death penalty "inadmissible." What WOULD Jesus do?

Zimbabwe has descended into chaos (again) after government forces began firing indiscriminately shooting at protesters who were pissed about the continued delay of presidential election results, as well as the release of preliminary observer mission reports that suggested election fuckery.

The US sanctioned two Turkish officials over the detention of an American pastor accused of espionage by Turkish dictator Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Foreign policy analysts are worried this could potentially further the growing divide between the US and a key NATO ally that's been getting not-so-secret Russian handies.

The suspected remains of 55 US Korean war dead are being analyzed at a medical facility in Hawaii to see if North Korea trolled Trump (again).

Iran is getting read for a massive war exercise, so don't be surprised when Trump starts tweeting threats from the toilet (again).

CNN's Jim Acosta is picking a fight with Sean Hannity for "peddling lies every night" and "injecting poison into the nation's political bloodstream" following a nonsensical rant by Hannity on Tuesday night.

ICYM: Robyn explained those Q-Anon people yesterday. You'll need that (and some whiskey) if you decide to dive deeper into the conspiracy theory that JFK Jr. is alive, and the leader of Q-Anon. NOTE: This story is stupid, and will make your brain ooze.

Trump literally rolled out the red carpet for Dinesh D'souza during the DC premiere of his new movie that argues Hitler was gay friendly, and Trump is like Lincoln (except for the part about freeing the slaves).

Spotify deleted a couple of Infowars episodes for hate speech. In response, Alex Jones strapped on his tinfoil hat and choked down some diet pills and began screaming, "I was born in censorship. I was born being suppressed."

Here's an interesting story about how a British hacker used fake intel and worked with US conspiracy nuts to discredit evidence of Russian election fuckery. Grab a fresh cup of coffee for this one!

Hackers breached Reddit, and now its admins look just as stupid and self-obsessed as every other dickhead in tech.

The FDA is finally going to do something about "vaginal rejuvenations" by issuing warnings on the use of lasers and holistic hooey on hoo-has.

The CDC actually has to reissue guidelines for safe sex that state you should never wash and reuse condoms, or double-bag it!

Two South Carolina men in their 70's got in a fight at a CostCo after one cut in line and took a free cheeseburger sample. Upon being confronted, the perpetrator said, "I will do it again," and slapped the hat off the other old man. #MAGA

And here's your morning Nice Time!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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