Somebody's Crying. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Sept. 6, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Somebody from Trump's White House penned an anonymous op-ed for the NY Times claiming to be part of the deep state #Resistance preventing World War III and the downfall of democracy. Why Mike Pencesomeone in Trump's cabinet would suddenly feign a conscience or grow a spine is a mystery, but his White House has clearly been rattled by "sleeper cells" hiding within the inner circle. Trump himself has spent last night and this morning lashing out in public and in private as staff pretend to hunt down the latest damn, dirty leaker.

The House Freedom crazies want Trump to declare war on the FBI and DOJ by releasing more classified material about surveilling Carter Page. This way Sean Hannity can create a new conspiracy theory for Trump to tweet about.

Brett Kavanaugh spent yesterday's confirmation hearing forcing Senators to reexamine the dictionary definition of a lie while stuttering and stammering to suck up as much time as possible.

Trump's White House is calling the Bureau of Labor Statistics a bunch of liars after a new report concluded that wages have actually declined since Trump's tax cuts (for the super rich) went into effect as they don't take into all the benefits, bonuses, and golden parachutes CEOs are getting.

After watching the heads of Facebook and Twitter discuss Russian fuckery with the Senate Intel Committee, Jeff Sessions will gather a bunch of state attorneys general for a pity party about perceived biases in social media.

While waddling his fat ass around Capitol Hill and looking for a respectable news outlet, Alex Jones tried to pick a fight with Florida Republican Sen. Marco Rubio, but was rebuffed when Rubio said, "I'll take care of you myself." Immediately after the spat, Jones stuck out his gut and flipped up his ears and began mocking Rubio.

In a last minute attempt to fend off criticisms of racism and white supremacy, Florida Republican gubernatorial candidate Ron DeSantis has tapped Miami state Rep. Jeanette Nuñez as his running mate. Hopefully nobody will dig up her #NeverTrump tweets.

With just less than two months before the midterm elections, Trump's ICE stooges are dredging up allegations of Mexican voter-fraud, sending grand jury subpoenas to 44 North Carolina county election officials and demanding millions of voter records by Sept. 25.

The US and Canada are locked in a Mexican stand-off over NAFTA after Canadian PM/secret boyfriend Justin Trudeau politely told Trump to piss off.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! India's Supreme Court says it's OK to be gay, and has overturned a law that made it illegal to be a fabulous gaymo sexual.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Turkey hatchlings!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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