They Didn't Come Here To Make Friends. Wonkagenda For Fri., Dec. 20, 2019

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Last night's umpteenth Democratic presidential debate was another slobber knocker, and everyone had it in for South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg. Amy Klobuchar spent much of the evening hurling salad combs in an effort to stand out from all the other folksy white people on stage (and Andrew Yang). Political wizards think Joe Biden had a great night since he didn't put his foot in his mouth, but the real winners may have been Warren and Klobuchar, while Butters clearly had a terrible night. NPR notes that Klobuchar and Sen. Bernie Sanders spoke the most. If you decided to drown yourself inside a bottle, The Daily Show has you covered with a solid wrap-up. [Quick Take]

2020 December Democratic Debate in Los Angeles | The Daily Show www.youtube.com


One Quick Note: Joe Biden had a moment where his stutter crept in and he was then summarily mocked by former smoky-eye Trump apologist, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Sanders quickly apologized, claimed to know nothing about Biden's stutter, then deleted the tweet and her apology. There's so many reasons why this is bullshit, but I'm just going to repost this great piece from John Hendrickson about Biden overcoming his struggle with stuttering that's in The Atlantic this month.

A Christian magazine that carries a lot of water for Jesus freaks just came out of the closet in favor of impeachment. In an op-ed, Christianity Today's editor in chief argues that Trump should be thrown out of office for being a self-serving jerk who wipes his ass with the Ten Commandments. The blistering op-ed goes on to say, "None of the president's positives can balance the moral and political danger we face under a leader of such grossly immoral character," and calls on Evangelicals to "Remember who you are and whom you serve." After Trump shitposted that the magazine was "far-left" and "progressive," the editor went on CNN to brush them off. [Op-Ed]

The Washington Post gossips that former senior White House officials were worried Russian dictator President Vladimir Putin was spoon-feeding Ukrainum nonsense to Trump after Trump (allegedly) said, "Putin told me." Aside from those less than shocking revelations, this (super long) piece is a frustrating look back at how Trump's fever dream led to his impeachment.

Attorney General Bill Barr went on Fox News to say his super special investigation on the investigation into Trump-Russia fuckery in the 2016 election won't be ready "for quite a few months." How convenient.

Politico is gossiping that Mick Mulvaney has been stuck in the White House time-out corner, and will likely fuck off after the Senate impeachment trial. It's widely believed that out-going Republican Rep. Mark Meadows will usurp him as Trump's new bag man.

The SDNY is so unmoved by Michael Cohen's plea for early release that prosecutors have revealed he lied to the FBI back in January and February, after he was sentenced. Oops.

The fight for HER EMAILS continues as jackoffs from the conservative "watchdog" group, Judicial Watch, bang their Benghazi drum in court.

Just before he fucked off for the holidays, Senate Majority Leader #MoscowMitch rammed another 13 judges through the Senate. Politico notes that this makes 20 circuit judges, and 67 district judges that #MoscowMitch rubberstamped. The 13th judge, Matthew Walden McFarland, has a long history of dropping mega bucks to Republican politicians, and is a member of the Federalist Society (natch).

During an Oval Office blowjob festival, formerly Democratic Rep. Jeff Van Drew pledged his "undying support" to Donald Trump, declaring Trumplandia "just a better fit."

After a rare five-year review, the House Ethics committee has sanctioned Washington Republican Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers of misusing campaign funds. The report cites "sloppy practices" of record keeping, and hits her staffers for using "official resources, including official staff time, congressional office space, and travel funds, for political activities." McMorris Rodgers has accepted responsibility, and was been ordered to give $7,576 to Uncle Sam.

After DINO Rep. Tulsi Gabbard called in "present" during Wednesday's impeachment vote, she ghosted from the campaign trail.

In an effort to remind people that #HesStillRunning for president, Colorado Democratic Sen. Michael Bennet will open his fundraisers to the press ... sort of. The campaign says it will "pool" private events, and allow ONE reporter in to email the other poor, haggard slobs being dragged around the campaign trail.

Kentucky's former Republican governor, Matt Bevin, told a radio show that he pardoned a child rapist because the 9-year-old girl's hymen was still intact. When the host later asked Bevin how he could stomach pardoning a child rapist, Bevin asked, "Which one," and started revealing deeply personal information about a victim in a separate child rape case. Here is a palate cleanser of kitties.

Former national security mustache John Bolton sat down with NPR to talk about North Korea in light of new rumors that suggest the Hermit Kingdom may fire off a nuclear Christmas gift.

The new Miss America is a scientist! FUCK YEAH, SCIENCE!

FUN FACT: On this day in 1860 South Carolina became the first state to throw a hissy fit over the inability to enslave people. Here's a good thread about those awful racists, and their legacy of idiocy.

Stephen Colbert has a new Impeachmas classic about the people on Santa's naughty list.

"Once Upon Impeachment," A Late Show Animated Christmas Classic www.youtube.com


And here's your morning Nice Time: YELLOWSTONE!

Spend An Hour in Snowy Yellowstone | Sights & Sounds | PBS NATURE www.youtube.com


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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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