BUSH BUCKLES TO GREENS! Extremely thoughtful President Bush today will set goals for the control of so-called "Greenhouse Gases" by the United States of America. According to a White House press secretary, Bush does "not intend to lay out a specific plan for achieving the reductions." Barack Obama could not be reached for comment because the Greenpeace-loving candidate was crying at the seashore, petting a baby seal. [New York Times]

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