Russia

RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING: We Know What Paul Manafort's Kremlin Spy Boy Did In 2016

NO COLLUSION!

Oh hi! Big news in this post! Lots of big news! Read all of this post!

President Joe Biden's Treasury Department announced Thursday a whole raft of sanctions aimed at punishing the Russian Federation for attacking our elections in both 2016 and 2020 and our allies' elections; for all its hacking, including the massive SolarWinds hack that hit tons of government agencies and Fortune 500 companies; and for targeting journalists and dissidents, including opposition leader Alexei Navalny. And so on and so forth!

The Treasury Department sanctioned six Russian tech companies that "support Russian intelligence services." They directly blamed the SolarWinds hack on the SVR Russian intelligence agency, and named the FSB intelligence agency as responsible for the poisoning of Navalny. They're kicking 10 Russian "diplomats" out of Washington. And in direct response to Russia's 2020 election attacks, they are sanctioning "a total of 32 entities and individuals involved in the influence campaign as well as other acts of disinformation."

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2020 presidential election

General Services Admin Puts Presidential Transition On Hold For Trump Temper Tantrum

Get a grip, dude!

Whodathunk that putting a former RNC staffer in charge of a major government agency would lead to partisan fuckery?

Oh, everyone? Well, yeah, fair.

The Washington Post reports that the head of the General Services Administration (GSA), Emily Murphy, is gumming up the works for the presidential transition. You pay her salary, and part of her job is to sign off on the process to release $9.9 million in transition funds, free up office space in federal buildings, and begin security clearance and Office of Government Ethics (OGE) background checks for future Biden administration employees.

But Donald Trump is all up in his feelings about the election and refuses to accept the results. So naturally Administrator Murphy can't do her damn job and sign off yet.

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White House

Very Good Lawyer Rudy Giuliani Will Save Trump From All These Meddlesome Vote Counters!

Plus other scenes from Trump's Election Night angerbear meltdown!

Oh, how we are looking forward to January when we won't have fat Nixon to kick around anymore! For today, though, we're lacing up our steel-toes for the latest gossipy leak report from Maggie Haberman, Alex Burns, and Jonathan Martin at the New York Times in which Jared Kushner goes looking for a 2000-era James Baker figure to lead the battle against voters and finds ... Rudy Giuliani, a man who can't even keep his fly up while being interviewed by Olivia Nuzzi and literally got caught by Borat with his hand in his pants.

And, lest we forget, James Baker had to stop a recount in just one state — a state that was controlled by George Bush's kid brother. Giuliani is tasked with halting the counts in Nevada, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan, and Arizona, only two of which have Republican governors likely to play ball with a White House ratfucking attempt. Unfortunately, in one of those states Stacey Abrams seems to have cured just about every form of voter suppression left over from 2018, and the other was the home of the favorite son/war hero the president continues to attack even after his death. Dumb fuckin' luck!

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2020 presidential election

It's Election Eve. NO BEDWETTING, PLEASE!

This ain't 2016.

We hate to interrupt your panic attack, but Your Wonkette would like to remind you that the Trump campaign would have its hands full arranging a three-car funeral, much less a nationwide campaign to ratfuck this election.

Okay, that's a lie. We very much hope to interrupt your panic attack, because that shit is entirely unproductive. The part about them being a pack of losers who couldn't find their collective junk with two hands and a map is completely true, though. All this posturing about the unstoppable Death Star juggernaut Trump campaign was bullshit from the jump, so don't get yourself worked up about some kind of eleven-dimensional chess. They're still the same old chucklefucks who needed Vladimir Putin's help to get elected in 2016, only now the country hates them even more.

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