Trump
We're Beginning To See Why Brad Parscale Might Be Going Li'l Bit Bugf*ck
Did Ol' Neckbeard lie to Congress? And is he under investigation for stealing from the Trump campaign?
October 01, 2020 10:55 AM
SAD NEWS, everyone. The Trump campaign has been systematically deleting Brad Parscale's nasty gross neckbeard from its website, as if it was never there! The good news is that you are a lot less likely to get a hairball if you go to the Trump website now.
Meanwhile, Parscale has officially "resigned" from the Trump campaign, which is funny because from what we've heard, Parscale wasn't doing a whole lot of "work" for the campaign in the first place, even before they quit-fired him and gave his "campaign manager" position to some other idiot named Bill Stepien. Parscale seemed to be mostly hanging out in Florida and spending the Trump campaign's money on Ferraris and other baubles for himself. ALLEGEDLY.
You'll remember that this week started five years ago with an incident at Mr. Parscale's home, where the cops had to come out and respond to what was either somebody waving a gun threatening to kill himself, or possibly he was threatening to kill his wife, or maybe both. His wife, Candice Parscale, has now recanted what she told the cops about him abusing and threatening her. "He hits me," she told the cops on scene when asked about her bruises, but it is now "unclear." We hope she can safely get out and away from him.
Regardless, we all saw the video of a shirtless Parscale being manhandled to the ground by Florida cops, and noted how much worse that might have gone had Parscale been Black.
But there are some updates on what is really going on with Brad Parscale, why he might be going literally bugfuck right at this minute. And those updates are related to how the Trump campaign is also reportedly going literally bugfuck, because they're scared Old Dirty Neckbeard is going to cooperate with the authorities and spill Trump campaign secrets and crimes, ALLEGEDLY.
<p>We'll start there, with <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/09/trumpworld-panics-over-debate-fiasco-as-campaign-turmoil-mounts" target="_blank">Gabe Sherman</a> in <em>Vanity Fair</em>, on the Trump freakout that is this week. Not only did the <em>New York Times</em> start <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/brother-can-you-spare-two-literal-dimes-for-donald-trumps-tax-bill" target="_blank">spilling Trump's tax secrets,</a> but there's also this:</p><blockquote>Parscale's public meltdown happened while he is <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8782463/Brad-Parscale-investigation-stealing-40M-Trumps-2020-campaign.html" target="_blank">reportedly</a> under investigation for stealing from the Trump campaign and the RNC. According to [a] source close to the campaign, the Trump family is worried that Parscale could turn on them and cooperate with law enforcement about possible campaign finance violations. "The family is worried Brad will start talking," the source said.</blockquote><p>Oh no! Does Brad Parscale KNOW THINGS? It would be terrible if Brad Parscale KNOWS THINGS.</p><p>What might he know? Oh, just perhaps that he might have lied to Congress about the Trump campaign's voter suppression efforts in 2016, for one. </p><p>The other day, Channel 4, from the isles of Britain, <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/trump-loves-black-people-so-much-he-wants-to-spare-them-the-burden-of-ever-voting-against-him" target="_blank">reported on</a> an enormous data leak from the Trump campaign, about how in 2016, using data firm Cambridge Analytica, they specifically targeted Black voters for "deterrence," <em>i.e. </em>targeted 3.5 million specific Black voters with social media messages to try to keep them from going out to vote for Hillary Clinton. Indeed, back in 2016, the Trump campaign <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-10-27/inside-the-trump-bunker-with-12-days-to-go" target="_blank">bragged</a> it was running "three major voter suppression operations," one of which was targeted at Black voters. Brad Parscale was the campaign's data guru in 2016, and his neckbearded "brilliance" was a big part of the reason Trump stupidly hired him to be his 2020 campaign manager, before that all went wrong. </p><p>Professor David Carroll, an expert on all things "data" who has been on this Cambridge Analytica story from the beginning — he <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/netflix-great-hack-david-carroll-interview-data-rights-cambridge-analytica-2019-8" target="_blank">was in</a> Netflix's <em>The Great Hack</em>, about the data firm — tweeted the transcript earlier this week of Democratic Rep. Jackie Speier asking Parscale directly if the campaign targeted voters by race, and he said, under oath, that NO HE NEVER:</p><div id="a2ba0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f208c92b6a512e790c1f852ea127ca0b"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet twitter-custom-tweet" data-twitter-tweet-id="1310614270758055936" data-partner="rebelmouse"><div style="margin:1em 0">@RepSpeier asked the question. Parscale responded with a false statement that tonight’s @Channel4News exposé will c… https://t.co/afjbGIHsBM</div> — David Carroll 🦅 (@David Carroll 🦅)<a href="https://twitter.com/profcarroll/statuses/1310614270758055936">1601309766.0</a></blockquote></div><p>"I did not target by race specifically in GOTV and/or persuasion efforts," said Parscale, who went on to clarify that he definitely didn't target Black voters, and he doesn't even know if you can do such a thing! </p><p>As for Parscale being under investigation, the <em>Daily Mail</em> <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8782463/Brad-Parscale-investigation-stealing-40M-Trumps-2020-campaign.html" target="_blank">reported this week,</a> so GRAIN OF SALT BECAUSE "DAILY MAIL," that Parscale is under investigation for maybe stealing a WEE few tens of millions of dollars from the Trump campaign, and maaaaaybe another ten mil from the RNC. No big. </p><p>Under investigation by whom? It's not very clear.</p><p>The Trump campaign and the RNC deny there are investigations or audits, but they lie every time they breathe, so who knows. But if Gabe Sherman, a real reporter, is correct that the campaign is worried Neckbeard Brad might cooperate <em>with law enforcement</em> on all this, then we understand how they might have reason to worry.</p><p>So yeah, sounds like Brad Parscale might have a reason to be li'l bit bugfuck right now. And also the Trump campaign. </p><p>Couldn't be happening to more terrible people, bless their hearts. </p><p>[<a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/09/trumpworld-panics-over-debate-fiasco-as-campaign-turmoil-mounts" target="_blank">Vanity Fair</a>]</p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">HERE RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is funded by YOU! And ONLY YOU! 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Russia
DNI John Ratcliffe Laps Ron Johnson In 'Shameless Sharing Of Russian Propaganda' Contest
This is what a Russian asset looks like.
October 01, 2020 09:01 AM
He was told.
The stupidest director of national intelligence in the entire history of America, John Ratcliffe, who used to be one of the stupidest GOP members of Congress, was told that he was releasing Russian propaganda/disinformation this week, when he — transparently for no other reason than to try to help Trump steal re-election — declassified a RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE ASSESSMENT that said back in 2016, Hillary Clinton had ordered her campaign to start a Russia witch hunt to, get this, distract from her emails.
See, Russian intelligence was "chattering" about how Hillary Clinton had hatched a nefarious campaign plan to somehow suggest that sweet, innocent Donald Trump might have some connections with Vladimir Putin, and maybe the Russian hack of the DNC. Why, she must have made it all up!
It's all part of the big large huge Trump campaign to absolve Russia of guilt for helping Trump steal his first election, while they're trying to bag another one for him in 2020.
Ratcliffe was told. He has zero excuse. Russian motherfuckin' dipshit intelligence asset, thy name is Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe.
And no, babies, before anybody whines, "Russian asset" doesn't necessarily mean they're a secret spy for Russia, though we won't rule out the possibility that Ratcliffe is such an easy mark that the Kremlin could have turned him just by promising to get him some surgery to make his face right-side up. It can just mean he's doing their bidding, even if he's too stupid to get it.
<p>But again, <em>he was told</em>. Guess DNI Ratcliffe, <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/trump-putin-press-conference" target="_blank">just like Trump,</a> believes Putin more than he believes our own intelligence services. </p><p>The <em>Wall Street Journal</em> <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/intelligence-officials-urged-trump-spy-chief-not-to-disclose-unverified-russian-claims-about-clinton-11601499238" target="_blank">reports:</a></p><blockquote>President Trump's spy chief ignored urgings from senior U.S. officials not to release information about Russian intelligence material containing unverified allegations about Hillary Clinton and the 2016 election, according to people familiar with the matter. <br><br><strong>Officials at the Central Intelligence Agency and National Security Agency, as well as nonpolitical career personnel within the office of Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe, feared that sharing the information with Congress would give credence to unsubstantiated Kremlin-backed material. They argued the claim was sourced to Russian intelligence services that interfered in the 2016 election to denigrate Mrs. Clinton, that year's Democratic presidential nominee, and could have been deliberate disinformation, the people said.</strong><strong></strong></blockquote><p>"Could have been deliberate misinformation." Because of how it was Russian intel chatter, and they know we're always listening, just like we're always listening to them. (Well maybe we're not in the Trump years, because <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/trump-aka-miss-manners-thinks-using-foreign-spies-is-how-rude" target="_blank">Trump thinks</a> spying on his BFF Russia is mean.)</p><p>Ratcliffe's own letter said they "do not know" if the RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE CHATTER ABOUT WHAT HILLARY CLINTON SUPPOSEDLY DID was real. But that didn't matter. The point wasn't to share real information. It was to get that allegation out there in the rightwing noise machine ether, and inject it directly up Donald Trump's butt. And as the <em>Journal</em> notes, Trump indeed said a thing about it during Tuesday night's shitshow debate!</p><p>Of course he didn't really understand the Russian propaganda he was supposed to be sharing:</p><blockquote>"What happened today with Hillary Clinton, where it was a whole big con job."</blockquote><p>Uh huh, buddy, use your words. </p><p>The <em>Journal</em> also notes that the (Republican-led) Senate Intelligence Committee has already determined that the RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE CHATTER ABOUT WHAT HILLARY CLINTON SUPPOSEDLY DID was bullshit. But again, <em>that's not the point</em>. </p><p>It's humiliating that this stupid man John Ratcliffe is the <em>director of national intelligence for the United States of America</em>, as usually you like to have people in that role with extensive national security experience, instead of people who <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/john-ratcliffe-confirmed-as-director-of-national-intelligence-because-nothing-matters-anymore" target="_blank">lied on their resumes.</a> </p><p>What else has he lied about? Because that's a national security risk, something that could compromise him, if the Russians know it and he knows it and we don't know it. We are just saying.</p><p>Anyway, Ratcliffe knows everybody is calling him a paste-eating moron, and in response, he is bullshitting:</p><blockquote>Following the disclosure of his letter, Mr. Ratcliffe denied the Kremlin-sourced claims were Russian disinformation, and said they had "not been assessed as such by the intelligence community."</blockquote><p>LOLOL he "denied the Kremlin-sourced claims were Russian disinformation." Because that's how the world works. </p><p>Reality check from Democratic Senator Ron Wyden:</p><blockquote>"Ratcliffe is even willing to rely on unverified Russian information to try to concoct a political scandal, a shocking abdication of his responsibilities to the country," Sen. Ron Wyden of Oregon, a Democrat on the Senate Intelligence Committee, said.</blockquote><p>Yes, that is what is happening.</p><p>There are 33 days until the election. John Ratcliffe is one big reason to vote your fucking balls off.</p><p><span></span>[<a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/intelligence-officials-urged-trump-spy-chief-not-to-disclose-unverified-russian-claims-about-clinton-11601499238" target="_blank">Wall Street Journal</a>]</p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">HERE RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is funded by YOU! And ONLY YOU! Please keep us going forever.</strong></p><p></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.</p><p></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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2020 presidential election
DNI John Ratcliffe Doesn't Like US Intel Assessments, Declassifies Russian One Instead
Sure, why not just release Russian intel chatter about Hillary Clinton? Surely they wouldn't lie!
September 30, 2020 08:27 AM
Last week, Wonkette theorized an intelligent hypothesis, yes that is the first sentence of this post, that Wonkette THEORIZED AN INTELLIGENT HYPOTHESIS. Only downhill from here until the election, y'all.
Anyway, the intelligent hypothesis was that Attorney General Bill Barr has been so spitting mad at everything lately because he's trying to do everything he possibly can to help in the effort to steal the election for Donald Trump, but it's juuuuuuust noooooooot woooooorking. Zero people who matter respect him or believe anything he says, and we believe John Durham, the US attorney Barr deputized to 'VESTIGATE THE 'VESTIGATORS who looked into the Russian election attack of 2016, and Trump's collusion/conspiracy with that attack, ain't got shit for him.
Barr has desperately wanted Durham to find "evidence" to "prove" that the Russian attack was fake, or somehow lesser than we thought, and that the REAL crime was that Obama people did "wire tapps" to the Trump campaign. This is because Bill Barr is not only an authoritarian power-monger, but also because he is dumber than your right-wing Fox News-obsessed uncle, whom you hate.
Barr so badly wants the October Surprise to be himself hauling Obama People off in chains, but if Durham came to play that democracy-destroying game, we don't think it's working. Durham's top investigator quit the Justice Department, reportedly because of interference from Barr. Fox News's Maria Bartiromo reported this weekend that it's "unlikely" we'll see any arrests or Durham reports before the election. She swears it's gonna be real big, though, when Durham is finished! YOU BETCHA.
So what do deranged Trump people do in a situation like this, when the bottom is falling out and it looks like Joe Biden is going to beat Trump by a margin of "America" to "maybe three or four members of the Trump family"? You throw ALL THE SHIT at the wall, and you pray to your imaginary gods that something will stick. Anything.
That's how we're interpreting dumb dick Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe's behavior Tuesday, as he declassified unverified Russian chatter from 2016, what had Russian intelligence saying that actually Hillary Clinton invented the Deep State Russia Witch Hoax against Trump in her Pizzagate basement, in order to distract from her Hotmail account.
<p>Folks, this is a real letter from the director of national intelligence to the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, who is also playing the fling-some-shit-and-pray-it-sticks game, because Lindsey Graham sucks ass like that.</p><blockquote>In late July 2016, U.S. intelligence agencies obtained insight into <strong>Russian intelligence analysis</strong> alleging that U.S. Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton had approved a campaign plan to stir up a scandal against U.S. Presidential candidate Donald Trump by tying him to Putin and the Russians' hacking of the Democratic National Committee. The IC does not know the accuracy of this allegation or the extent to which the Russian intelligence analysis may reflect exaggeration or fabrication. </blockquote><p>O RLY? Russian intelligence said Hillary made it all up? And the IC "does not know" if maybe the Russians were just making shit up, despite how the IC and literally every other investigating entity have determined that Vladimir Putin personally ordered the attack on the election, to help Trump and hurt Hillary? </p><blockquote>According to his handwritten notes, former Central Intelligence Agency Director [John] Brennan subsequently briefed President Obama and other senior national security officials on the intelligence, including the "alleged approval by Hillary Clinton on July 26, 2016 of a proposal from one of her foreign policy advisors to vilify Donald Trump by stirring up a scandal claiming interference by Russian security services." </blockquote><p>Really, John? Did she really have to "stir up a scandal claiming interference by Russian security services"? Because the Mueller Report and the Republican-led Senate Intelligence Committee have both explained that the Russian security services attacked that election, again, not on orders from Hillary Clinton, but from Putin. </p><blockquote>On 07 September 2016, U.S. intelligence officials forwarded an investigative referral to FBI Director James Corney and Deputy Assistant Director of Counterintelligence Peter Strzok regarding "U.S. Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's approval of a plan concerning U.S. Presidential candidate Donald Trump and Russian hackers hampering U.S. elections as a means of distracting the public from her use of a private mail server." </blockquote><p>To distract people from HER EMAILS? Oh go fuck yourself with one of the unsanded corners of your own face, Ratcliffe. </p><p>Yes, we are sure Russian intelligence <em>did</em> say those things in 2016, John Ratcliffe. The fact that you're saying them out loud right now probably has Russian intelligence laughing in a pile on the floor. "Holy shit! These Republicans are even dumber than they look! These idiots are a fucking GOLDMINE! Call Putin and see if he will buy us some yachts as a thank you." </p><p>This, as you can see, is a clownfucking joke, and it is humiliating that the world can see that the director of national intelligence for the United States of goddamned America is actually publishing this in a letter to Lindsey Graham.</p><p>But like we said, they're throwing it all at the wall. But nothing has happened, except for how the wall is very stinky now, from John Ratcliffe and Bill Barr touching it. <span></span></p><h2>Surely ONE Of The Turds Will Stick, Yeah? </h2><p>Politico's Kyle Cheney <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/29/barrs-justice-department-serves-up-talking-points-for-trump-422831" target="_blank">has a thing</a> this week on just how much shit Barr is throwing right now. It doesn't matter that it's mostly self-debunking (SEE ABOVE). It's to give Trump something to diarrhea about on Twitter, and to give Fox News evening hosts shit to yelp about. </p><p>Here's how Cheney begins:</p><blockquote>The prosecution of Michael Flynn. A Senate investigation into the provenance of the Steele Dossier. The nascent federal probe of discarded absentee ballots in Pennsylvania.<br><br>In recent days, the Justice Department has declassified or disclosed sensitive materials related to each of these proceedings that, on the surface, have little to do with each other. Yet within hours, President Donald Trump had weaponized each to boost his reelection campaign.</blockquote><p>The thing about the ballots in Pennsylvania started as Barr's latest authoritarian attempt to discredit mail-in balloting and prove it's RIGGED against Trump, with spurious claims that they're just throwing away ballots with his name on them. It <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/how-many-pennsylvania-ballots-can-you-fit-in-a-trash-can-none-really-but-that-wont-stop-bill-barrs-doj" target="_blank">ended up</a> being just yet another stupid-ass Trump own-goal. And if there legitimately had been tampering with those ballots, that's the type of investigation a normal US Department of Justice would <em>never</em> say was happening out loud. But Barr told Trump and Trump's been blabbing his floppy yap about it ever since!</p><p><a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/25/fbi-agents-michael-flynn-probe-421633" target="_blank">Last Thursday</a> the DOJ declassified internal FBI comms about the Flynn investigation, which Flynn's batshit lawyer proceeded to file on the public docket. Trump was yapping about it by the time he got to his rally Friday:</p><blockquote>"Newly released text messages make 100 percent clear the FBI knew that Democrats purchased Russian disinformation targeting me, your favorite president, which then formed the basis of the witch hunt," Trump said at the Friday rally, appearing to blend multiple allegations about the Russia probe.</blockquote><p>Yeah actually the Flynn stuff had nothing to do with "Democrats purchased Russian disinformation," that's a whole <em>other</em> thing the DOJ declassified about the Steele Dossier. You don't actually care about the details of either of these things, so let's just note that Trump mixed them up because he's an idiot.</p><p>And on Tuesday DNI John Ratcliffe declassified literal unfiltered Russian intelligence chatter about Hillary ordering the Russia witch hunt. And we know who Trump is always going to believe, given a choice between American patriots and Russian intelligence.</p><h2>And Why? Because Durham Ain't Got Shit.<br></h2><p>Wonkette said it. Maria Bartiromo said it, but SWEARS it's gonna BLOW YR MIND whenever Durham really is finished.</p><p>The legal experts Kyle Cheney spoke to said it. </p><blockquote>Former DOJ lawyers believe some officials may intend the various disclosures to serve as a kind of substitute for the expected Durham report and a kind of political salve for the president's supporters who were expecting a big pre-election bombshell from the Connecticut-based U.S. attorney.</blockquote><p>Good luck with that.</p><p>Losers. </p><p>[<a href="https://www.judiciary.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/09-29-20_Letter%20to%20Sen.%20Graham_Declassification%20of%20FBI's%20Crossfire%20Hurricane%20Investigations_20-00912_U_SIGNED-FINAL.pdf" target="_blank">Ratcliffe letter</a> / <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/29/barrs-justice-department-serves-up-talking-points-for-trump-422831" target="_blank">Politico</a>]</p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">HERE RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is funded by YOU! 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Why Bill Barr So Mad? Maybe Because John Durham Ain't Got SH*T For Him.
Wonkette has a theory about why Hillary Clinton's name is part of Durham's investigation.
September 24, 2020 12:40 PM
What in the hell is John Durham investigating now?
He was tasked by Attorney General Bill Barr to 'VESTIGATE THE 'VESTIGATORS to "prove" that the FBI's Trump-Russia investigation was a highly improper witch hunt. You know, even though the IG of the Justice Department looked at the issue in every which way and found that it, you know, wasn't. As Wonkette wrote at the time, the IG found that "There was no Deep State plot against Trump, the Russia investigation was opened for completely correct and non-politically-biased reasons, spying did not occur, Bill Barr, and aside from a few fuckups with Carter Page's FISA applications, everything was on the up-and-up."
All finished, right? Nope, Bill Barr is trying to make an October Surprise happen for Trump, to haul some Obama People out in chains because of how they did WITCH HUNT, and if the damn IG won't make some shit up, he's hoping US Attorney John Durham will.
We have a theory, by the way, that this effort is going poorly. We think that's part of why Barr has been so viscerally angry at the FBI and Justice Department lately. Remember how Durham's top investigator just up and quit, reportedly because of interference from Barr?
The New York Times has a report today on just exactly what the hell Durham is investigating, and it seems weird until you remember that Barr's big goal here is to gin up some bullshit to PROVE that the FBI treated Trump differently, in some inappropriate way. And he'd just love for Durham to find/make up some "evidence" that the FBI treated Hillary Clinton with kid gloves, while doing a Deep State coup to Trump.
<p>So that is why the name "Hillary Clinton" is apparently part of Durham's investigation. Barr wants Durham to "prove" that what the raccoons in Barr's brain say is true, that the FBI gave Hillary special treatment, while being extra mean and nasty to Trump.</p><blockquote>Mr. Durham, the U.S. attorney in Connecticut assigned by Mr. Barr to review the Russia inquiry, has sought documents and interviews about how federal law enforcement officials handled an investigation around the same time into allegations of political corruption at the Clinton Foundation, according to people familiar with the matter.<br><br>Mr. Durham's team members have suggested to others that they are comparing the two investigations as well as examining whether investigators in the Russia inquiry flouted laws or policies. It was not clear whether Mr. Durham's investigators were similarly looking for violations in the Clinton Foundation investigation, nor whether the comparison would be included or play a major role in the outcome of Mr. Durham's inquiry.</blockquote><p><span></span>Remember, the investigations into Hillary Clinton were that she did emails, and also that she maybe did "Clinton Foundation" and "uraniums." The Russian uranium conspiracy theory has been <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/oh-nothing-just-the-department-of-justice-admitting-hillary-clinton-uranium-one-scandal-is-cooked-up-bullshit-from-a-liar-who-lies" target="_blank">completely debunked,</a> and the DOJ admits this. They couldn't actually find that Hillary did anything nefarious with the Clinton Foundation, and oh yeah, you're right, she did do emails. But the FBI -- indeed, everybody in the room, according to <a href="https://www.npr.org/2020/09/05/908016924/peter-strzok-notorious-ex-g-man-explains-himself-and-takes-aim-at-trump" target="_blank">Peter Strzok,</a> who worked on both the Clinton and Trump investigations -- agreed that there was nothing prosecutable about what Hillary did with emails.</p><p>Meanwhile, Donald Trump was being investigated for conspiring with the Russians to attack/steal the 2016 election, while the Russian attack was going on. At one point the FBI even <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/fbi-been-wonderin-if-trump-is-literal-actual-russian-intelligence-asset-for-long-ass-time" target="_blank">opened an investigation</a> into whether Trump, himself, was a Russian agent of some sort. Unfortunately we still don't have an answer to that question, because Rod Rosenstein <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/there-was-no-russia-investigation" target="_blank">memoryholed it</a> and nobody ended up investigating it. So, OPEN QUESTION.</p><blockquote>The approach is highly unusual, according to people briefed on the investigation.</blockquote><p>Yeah well no shit.</p><p>But anyway, Trump and all his minions, again, have these raccoons in their brains that tell them their conspiracy theory is true, and that the FBI was BIASSSSSSS for Hillary Clinton. </p><blockquote>"There was a clear double standard by the Department of Justice and F.B.I. when it came to the Trump and Clinton campaigns in 2016," <a href="https://www.judiciary.senate.gov/press/rep/releases/newly-declassified-fbi-materials-demonstrate-clear-double-standard-for-clinton-trump-campaigns" target="_blank" title="">said Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina,</a> the Republican chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and a staunch supporter of Mr. Trump.</blockquote><p>Yeah, OK, Lindsey, shouldn't you be begging for money on street corners right now instead of talking to the <em>Times</em>? Because we hear <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/whos-a-craven-soulless-hypocritical-gop-senate-sh-theel-all-of-them-katie" target="_blank">you ain't got no dollars</a> and your Senate race is not going well.</p><p>Of course, there WAS a double standard. For one thing, we knew ALLLLLLLL ABOUT the Hillary Clinton investigations, whereas the investigation <em>into whether Donald Trump was conspiring with Russia to steal the election </em>was SHHHHH A SECRET. </p><p>We knew ALLLLLLLLL ABOUT IT when James Comey <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/why-hillary-clinton-will-not-rot-in-jail-for-aggravated-emailing-your-ultimate-emails-wonksplainer" target="_blank">announced the end</a> of the Hillary Clinton email investigation in the summer of 2016, with an hour of editorializing about how Hillary Clinton was very bad and should feel bad.</p><p>We knew ALLLLLLLLL ABOUT IT when Comey, <em>eleven days before the fucking election</em>, threw away a hundred years of FBI policy and <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/dear-fbi-are-you-fcking-kidding" target="_blank">came forward</a> to say he maybe found a few new Hotmails From Hillary on Anthony Weiner's laptop, therefore the investigation was being reopened. This, obviously, helped Russia tip the Electoral College victory toward Trump. </p><p>And why did Comey feel the need to do that? Because fucksacks in the New York FBI field office were <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/ig-will-investigate-rudys-original-trump-crimes-as-soon-as-were-all-dead" target="_blank">leaking conspiracy theories</a> about Hillary Clinton from a book called <em>Clinton Ca$h</em> that was debunked before it was even published, and Comey was worried that if he didn't announce the "new" inquiry, it would leak, probably to Rudy Giuliani, since he <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/radicalized-fbi-sleeper-cell-probably-led-by-rudy-giuliani" target="_blank">seemed to be their de facto leader.</a> </p><p>Hey, remember that time Rod Rosenstein <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/rod-rosenstein-just-borked-himself" target="_blank">gussied up a memo</a> for Trump, which laughably argued that Comey must be fired for being <em>too mean to Hillary Clinton</em>? That was funny. Not long after that, Rosenstein KO-ed the counterintelligence investigation into Trump's status as a Russian intelligence asset.</p><p>Yeah, the investigations surely were treated differently, LINDSEY.</p><p>You can read the whole <em>Times</em> piece if you want. We like the part where they're rehashing all the bullshit fruitless investigations into Hillary Clinton, like the Uranium One deal, but conveniently forgetting to mention the <em>Times's</em> <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/oh-nothing-just-the-department-of-justice-admitting-hillary-clinton-uranium-one-scandal-is-cooked-up-bullshit-from-a-liar-who-lies" target="_blank">own role</a> in perpetuating that bullshit, which, again, has been completely debunked. </p><p>They sure did work their asses off, the FBI New York field office, to get subpoenas for Hillary, based on bullshit in a Breitbart-funded book they read that was <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/meet-the-new-uranium-one-same-as-the-old-uranium-one" target="_blank">debunked before it was even published.</a> </p><p>The <em>Times</em> story traces how Republicans tried to get a second special counsel to investigate Hillary's foundations and her uraniums, but even Rod Rosenstein told them to fuck off. Also how Bill Barr <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/doj-fake-clinton-foundation-investigation-finds-real-nothing-will-stay-open-forever" target="_blank">appointed a US attorney,</a> John Huber, to investigate the investigators on the Hillary stuff, and came up with jackshit, and how mad Trump was about that.</p><p>Yeah, like we said above, we think we know part of why Bill Barr is so mad right now. </p><p>Because Durham ain't got <em>shit</em> for him. </p><p>[<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/24/us/politics/durham-clinton-foundation-investigation.html" target="_blank">New York Times</a>]</p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, WE NEED YOUR LOVE GIFTS TO KEEP US GOING.</strong></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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