Supporters of Roy Moore tried to pay someone to make a false claim, and Breitbart was there? We are shocked, shocked.
Funny how these things happen!
Let's end our day by recognizing Nancy Pelosi as the badass she is.
But what has Pennsylvania done to deserve this?!?
Let's talk about MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
The kids are more than all right. They're getting the adults' butts in gear.
Kids these days... are organizing.
Gerrymandering! Have we mentioned this stuff is BAD?
The Pennsylvania GOP has chutzpah! (For those of you who didn't grow up in Bageltown, that means they have SOME NERVE.) The classic definition of chutzpah is a guy who murders his parents and then begs the court to take pity on him for being an orphan. Which is apt considering Pennsylvania Republicans have murdered elections with gerrymandering for the past decade, and are now stomping up and down at the unfairness of having to draw fair electoral districts. They spent a lot of time ratfucking those maps to ensure they'd get 70 percent of the seats with only 50 percent of the vote, and they don't intend to give it up without a fight. CHUTZPAH!
Trump worried Devin Nunes Show will get canceled, Diplomats running from Foggy Bottom, and Mike Pompeo meets Russian spy chiefs (no biggie). Your morning news brief!
Deep within the halls of Trump's White House people are worried that Devin Nunes's Russian tragicomedy will flop now that the audience is losing interest.
The story behind THE MEMO is a winding ass-backwards road that leads to THE DOSSIER, and it all starts at Devin Nunes and his staff.
This morning Trump tweeted a thing about how the FBI isn't totally corrupt, it's just the leftist boy scouts at the top, or whatever.
DJTJ took to Twitter yesterday afternoon to potentially implicate himself in an obstruction of justice charge by blithering about how Andrew McCabe was "You're Fired" over THE MEMO.
Three lawyers for Paul Manafort's partner in Not American crime, Rick Gates, "You're Fired" themselves, suggesting that Gates is rolling over on Donald Trump and begging for clemency to Robert Mueller.
Trump talks to Sean Hannity late into the night, gossiping about Her Emails and other tinfoil hat conspiracies, with some White House officials joking that Hannity is "senior counselor to the president."
Dame Peggington is still awash in the afterglow of Trump's Reaganesque SOTU, even if the sullen "Draculaic" Democrats sat slumped in the shadows, running only on the commie fuel of the poors, hoping that Robert Mueller's "Ahabs" will catch their fat, white whale. [Archive]
The Mooch is talking again in a desperate attempt to repair his reputation, and this interview is everything you'd expect, including "Berserkazoid Craziness," and "Fucking Sith Lords."
Mike Pence LOVES the Jews because they're pawns who will help him kick start the apocalypse and reawaken Cthulhu-Christ.
Sorry, servers, the Labor Department killed the study that showed letting restaurants pool tips was gonna pick your pocket! What you don't know can't hurt you.
As Republicans gather in the woods to kvetch, plot and scheme this weekend, Donald Trump reminded them that he's "tremendous," Nancy Pelosi is a bitch, and that Orrin Hatch once said his is the only presidential dick he'd ever suck.
Even though some of them are trying to jump off the Trump Train, most Republicans love Donald Trump as much, or more, than St. Ronnie Reagan. He is, after all, making (some of) them shitloads of money.
Mittens is getting ready to announce his Senate run now that he's gained the support of his family and a shitload of donors.
The State Department's top career diplomat is retiring, and now the DEEP STATE is freaking out over what will happen in all the shithole countries now that even MORE State Department leadership is running from Foggy Bottom.
Those damn, dirty Democrats LIED when they said they spent $1 million to defeat the Bible thumping racist and ALLEGED pedophile Roy Moore; most of that money was raised directly via micro donations for Sen. Doug Jones. IMPEACH!
The price of avocado toast is about to skyrocket (again) as California farmers struggle to harvest crops due to the deportation of migrant workers. No joke, farmers are even offering salaries, PTO, and 401(k) plans in an attempt to attract people to do dirty jobs.
An anti-gun taskforce in Baltimore is accused of running a complicated hustle that involved shaking down street level dealers, planting fake guns, stealing drugs and cash, stalking, and robbery while charging the city for hundreds of thousands of hours in overtime. Charm City cops, just doing what they do best.
Former sheriff and racist fellon Joe Arpaio is denying that he's an anti-semite after he gave his FIFTH INTERVIEW to a Jew hatin' rag in four years. A spokesman said Arpaio "doesn’t do background checks."
Bad hombres in Not America are using Bitcoin to skirt sanctions now that they've found how easy it is to make, use or steal stuff using magic Internet funny money.
Facebook just filed a patent for a system that could guess how poor you are based on all the crap you willingly tell Mark Zuckerberg.
And here's your morning Nice Time! BABY DUCKS!
Follow Dominic on Twitter and watch him behave inappropriately with robots!
That's right, Carson Jones, READ THAT FUCKER FOR FILTH.
A nice story for your afternoon! Doug Jones (D-Alabama Yes For Real Alabama) was sworn in to the Senate on Wednesday, and he brought his son. His hot son. His hot gay son. His hot gay son whose name is Carson and whose Instagram Wonkette DOES NOT RECOMMEND YOU VISIT TO OBJECTIFY HIM, because YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT.
The lovers' quarrel between Bannon and Trump gets brutal, Trump gets ready to drill, baby, drill, and Ellen DeGeneres invites Eric Trump to her big, gay agenda.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Meet a guy who became a meme!
He looks kind of amused even in his law firm's photo
Trump rants to the New York Times, Earth braces for a big oil pounding, and Peggy Noonan goes to the movies! Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! We've ALMOST made it! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today, but first, TIGER CUBS!
Now fuck all the way off Roy Moore!!
AND NOW HE CAN GO THE MALL IN WASHINGTON.
Be prepared to be laughed out of court by your former colleagues, Roy.
E Plebnista, Y'all!
Trump tries to take credit for Obama's legacy, Roy Moore about to officially lose (again), and Donald Trump is ... GOLFING??? THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT!!! Your morning news brief.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today, but first A HUNGRY WOMBAT!
Donald Trump is such a jerk he almost made us sorry for Jeff Sessions. Almost.
What the flibber-flabber flickitty now?
Politics makes for strange bedfellows. Here's why two conservative stars slept with a guy who wanted to fuck children.
Is this the face of a child molester? Let's rephrase the question...
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