2018 Congressional Elections

Rep. Paul Gosar Praises Hero Cops By Demanding FBI Turn Them Over To Deranged Mob

There's a thin blue line between crazy and stupid. But Gosar manages to be on both sides of it.

"Back the blue!" shout Republicans, warning darkly of "Marxist" Black Lives Matter protestors and Antifa supersoldiers coming to murder saintly white taxpayers in their beds now that Democrats have defunded the police. But that's only when those hero cops are shooting unarmed Black men. When it's law enforcement holding back a horde of crazed MAGA rioters shouting "Hang Mike Pence!" it's another matter entirely.

Which is why 21 House Republicans, a full 10 percent of their caucus, voted against a resolution awarding Congressional Gold Medals to the very officers who defended them during the January 6 Capitol Insurrection. And, yes, it's the same cast of memelords you think it is — the ones who spend all their time grandstanding and offering stunt legislation to own the libs.

There's Rep. Andrew Clyde, who called the rioters "tourists," despite footage of him screaming to bar the door. And Rep. Lauren Boebert, who loves her some good ol' rebels. Louie Gohmert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Matt Gaetz showed their whole asses, because it was a day that ends in "Y." Kentucky's Thomas Massie worried that labeling the events as an "insurrection" was "partisan," because "I think if we call that an insurrection, it could have a bearing on their case that I don't think would be good."

Keep reading...Show less
2018 Congressional Elections

OK, Who's Writing The Matt Gaetz Screenplay, Because This Sh*t Is WILD

Meet your new Bumblefuckers, we almost can't tell them apart from the old Chucklefucks!

Let's just skip to the part about the UFOs, shall we? We all know that's where this weird-ass Matt Gaetz story is headed, right? Maybe we ought to just cut to the chase and acknowledge that the Florida congressman with the roving peener (allegedly!) is a space alien.

BREAKING: Matt Gaetz found to be secret space lizard! Must credit Wonkette!

Oh, we kid ... probably!

When last we left that freak, he and his father were flapping their yaps to every reporter in DC about a supposed sextortion plot to get the congressman out of trouble with the FBI in exchange for a $25 million payoff.

"HENGGGHHHHH????" we all said in unison? How could some lawyer in Pensacola who hasn't worked for the government in 16 years make a federal investigation disappear?

When he appeared on Tucker Carlson's show Tuesday, Gaetz implied that the entire FBI investigation was a Democratic plot to shut him up and steal money from his father.

"These allegations aren't true. They're merely intended to try to bleed my family out of money," he protested, perhaps too much, accusing federal prosecutors of leaking the story to the New York Times to blow up the sting operation the Gaetz family was running to catch the perps in the act.

As if the so-called extortion caused the federal investigation — you know, in the same way that babies cause sex.

And then the Iran stuff dropped. Hooboy!

Keep reading...Show less
Post-Racial America

Tucker Had A Weird One Last Night

Most of this is from one show.

How many quiet parts can Tucker Carlson say really loudly in one night? Try this one on for size.

TUCKER CARLSON: Everyone is welcome under this tent. They're all invited, except the white supremacists and the QAnon people and anyone else who disagrees with anything we say. They're all going to jail, but the rest are more than welcome to stay and obey our commands. It was that kind of night, festive, good-hearted, magnanimous.

Won't somebody make the white supremacists and the QAnon people feel included?

As with everything involving Tucker Carlson, context just makes it stupider and more offensive.

Keep reading...Show less
2018 State and Local Elections

Mark Kelly Could Be Just The Spaceman To Launch Mitch McConnell's SCOTUS Dreams Directly Into The Sun

Could happen! Let's DONATE HIM SOME DOLLARS just to be safe.

Since Ruth Bader Ginsburg died on Friday, amidst the despair and existential dread, people have been talking about whether or not Mitch McConnell actually is holding the cards he says he's holding, and will actually be able to quickly seat a "Handmaid's Tale" extra in RBG's seat before Joe Biden beats the shit out of Donald Trump in 43 days.

Senators Lisa Murkowski and Susan Colins have made statements suggesting they are opposed to it, though take Susan Collins's word at your own peril. Some are holding on to past statements from Chuck Grassley suggesting what's good for the goose is good for the "pidgin," and that he would support waiting for a new president to make the nomination. Of couse, Grassley isn't chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee anymore. Craven shitheel Lindsey Graham is.

Mitt Romney? Nobody fucking knows, and he's not saying.

Throughout all this talk about other vulnerable senators — Joni Ernst is DOWN THREE to Theresa Greenfield according to a new poll, DONATE TO GREENFIELD — exactly nobody has suggested that Arizona GOP Senator Martha McSally might have a shred of human decency, or even read the room and realize just how badly she is about to lose her own Senate race, and support waiting for a senator people actually want representing them to cast that vote. She's a total fucking asshole. Nobody ever died on the hill of "Maybe Martha McSally will surprise us by having a soul."

Speaking of, hello, Senator McSally:

But it might not matter, if we can stall long enough, and if you haven't heard about why yet, here is why.

Keep reading...Show less

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc