2020 Congressional Elections

GA Sen. David Perdue Might Have To Dump Trump Like A Bad Stock

Polls don’t lie.

This is interesting: Senator David Perdue of Georgia is now billing himself a “bipartisan problem solver." The proof of such a claim is lacking. He's voted in support of Donald Trump's evil schemes about 95 percent of the time, according to FiveThirtyEight, and that's significantly more boot licking than actual problem solving.

Wha' happened? Perdue's Democratic opponent Jon Ossoff is within striking distance in recent polls. He's even pulled ahead in a couple. This is after Perdue went to the trouble of politely reminding voters that Ossoff is Jewish. Cook Political Report rates this race a “Toss-Up," which isn't a great position for an incumbent. It's even worse when you're on the same ballot as Trump, whose approval rating is underwater in the state. C'mon, Trump's favorite movie, Gone with the Wind, is set in Georgia. This is supposed to be Trump country. Unfortunately, the descendants of former enslaved people can vote (mostly) and they're sick of Trump, whose COVID-19 response has made them sick.

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2020 Congressional Elections

Tom Cotton Running Unopposed Thanks To Good Ol' Ratf*ck Of Democratic Candidate

OK, there's a Libertarian on the ballot, too, big whoop.

While we were getting our list of 2020 Senate races together, we noticed that Tom Cotton, the Republican sleazeweevil from Arkansas, is running unopposed for reelection. Yeesh, Arkansas Democrats, we thought, it's a red state, but you should at least have tried. And then when we looked into it, we found that, in fact, there had indeed been a Democrat running against Cotton for a few months last year, a guy named Joshua Mahony. But Mahony dropped out of the race two hours after the November 17 filing deadline. Under Arkansas law, parties can only pick a new candidate after the filing period ends if their candidate dies or is seriously ill. That wasn't the case, so Tom Cotton is virtually guaranteed to roll to reelection without even having to contend with any speed bumps — while continuing to fundraise, to boot.

Now, to be sure, even a top-notch Democratic candidate would have a hard time in Arkansas, which has been dominated by increasingly right-leaning Republicans in recent years, to the point that many of the angriest political battles have been between traditional business-class conservatives and fire-breathing culture-wars righties. Mahony was a fairly weak candidate to start with, and probably had no business running for the Senate anyway. We suppose the best that can be said about how the whole mess played out is that it's a good cautionary tale: Don't go with a candidate who you haven't thoroughly vetted.

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2020 Congressional Elections

Susan Collins 'Very Concerned’ Maine Voters Will Notice Her Spine’s On The Back Of A Milk Carton

Collins too chicken to admit she’s voting for Trump.

Picture an undecided voter in the 2020 presidential election. You might imagine someone completely oblivious to Donald Trump's corruption, malicious incompetence, and outright bigotry. This undecided voter is probably a stoner who sits on the couch all day staring at a table fan or — shocker! – an actual United States senator.

Friday, Maine's future former Senator Susan Collins had her first debate with Susan Gideon, who whooped her like when Bluto put Popeye's feet in cement and used his face as a speed bag. Unfortunately for Collins, no spinach was forthcoming.

Gideon asked Collins several times if she planned to vote for President Pandemic. The only good response is “hell to the no" and the only honest response is “Damn right, I'm ordering the code orange." Collins instead replied like she was a common Salt-N-Pepa: “If I want to put a fascist back in the White House ... none of your business!"

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2020 Congressional Elections

QAnon Devotee Marjorie Taylor Greene's Challenger Dropped Out And That ... That's Not Good

Oh god this woman is really going to be in Congress.

Remember when we thought the onslaught of Tea Party dentists running for office was bad? Oh, how young and innocent we all were then. This year, we've got multiple people running for office who make the tricorn-hat wearing hat dipshits who thought Obama was a secret muslin look like, well, tricorn-hat wearing hat dipshits who thought Obama was a secret muslin but who at least didn't believe that Donald Trump was waging a secret war against Satanic pedophiles who drink the blood of children to get high.

One of them is Marjorie Taylor Greene, a woman who, by all rights, should be standing on a street corner screaming about socialism or aliens or how the end is nigh, and pretty much the only thing that might have kept her out of Congress, Democratic challenger Kevin Van Ausdal has dropped out for "personal and family reasons." He has done this too late for Democrats to replace him. Van Ausdal posted a non-explanation to Twitter last night, which said "The next steps in my life are taking me away from Georgia," noting that he wanted to give the party a chance to replace him, which they legally cannot do in Georgia 60 days prior to an election.

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