Cops Behaving Badly

Minnesota AG Keith Ellison Charges Derek Chauvin With Second Degree Murder Because He’s A Murderer

Ellison also charging the punk ass cops who watched Chauvin kill George Floyd.

When now-former Minneapolis, Minnesota, police officer Derek Chauvin brutally killed George Floyd on a city street, three other cops stood and watched, which is just bad policing because they're supposed to stop crimes, of which murder is one. It was also bad human-ing. Random citizens screamed for Chauvin to stop, to remove his knee from Floyd's neck as he cried out in delirious agony, and they weren't even in the so-called “protect and serve" business. The cops were, and they did nothing. This wasn't a complicated Trolley Problem. Their inaction was criminal.

Fortunately, Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison is treating these criminals in blue like criminals who should wear stripes. According to law enforcement sources, Ellison plans to charge the three other officers at the scene — Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng, and Thomas Lane — with aiding and abetting murder, and it's no longer the remedial murder Chauvin was charged with last Friday. He's elevating that shit from third-degree murder and manslaughter to second-degree murder. The big difference between third and second degree murder — aside from potentially 15 more years in prison — is that second degree murder is intentional. That is the correct choice because even Stevie Wonder can see that Chauvin intended to kill Floyd, who was completely at his mercy. They weren't in a slap fight like on Dynasty and Floyd hit his head on a coffee table.

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Gather Round For Yr. Wonkette’s Election Night Roundup!

Steve King lost and some other people won!

In case you were trapped in your bunker, Tuesday was an election day. We've already reported some highlights, such as Steve King's well-deserved defeat, but here's a quick roundup of some other key races.

First off, Joe Biden continued his sweep of Democratic presidential primaries in five more states. We think he might win this.


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Republicans, Don’t Come For Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer Unless She Calls For You

Michigan’s badass governor murders some fools for Easter.

Nonessential employees are stuck at home and bored during the coronavirus lockdown, and few things are less essential than Republicans. Some have decided to pass the time by coming for Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, and she keeps handing them their asses. I'm not one to kink shame but I suggest they spare themselves further embarrassment and just watch "Tiger King."

This weekend, Texas's junior senator and Donald Trump's wet wipe, Ted Cruz, tried to score one on Whitmer. He tweeted an article with what he believed was witty commentary about the $1,000 fines imposed on any Munchkins who dare defy the Wicked Whitmer of the Midwest's social distancing order. The photo attached showed the governor apparently breaking her own edict, signing her tyrannical law into effect among a crowd of contagious onlookers. Cruz didn't bother to consider that this was an old photo, especially since no one's dumb enough to have public signing ceremonies anymore during the coronavirus crisis. Whitmer's not a common Donald Trump.

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2020 democratic primary

Joe Biden Extends An Elbow To Bernie Sanders Supporters

Biden lets his progressiveish flag fly with new Medicare and student debt forgiveness plans

The prevailing argument in 2016 for why Sen. Bernie Sanders supporters should've backed Hillary Clinton is that even if she wasn't your candidate, you could still advocate for the policies important to you if she's president. Clinton would listen to you, whereas Donald Trump would ignore your pleas and just give you coronavirus.

Well, in fairness to third party voters, no one expected an economy-wrecking global pandemic. Now, we're soaking it in like Palmolive as we scrub our hands furiously. We should all understand what's at stake in this upcoming election, and if we're still too dense to realize it, at least Joe Biden isn't. He's already making an effort to unite the party's two wings, both alike in dignity.

Thursday, Biden announced two new Sanders-friendly policy proposals that aren't full of malarkey. The first lowers the eligibility age for Medicare from 65 to 60. There were several proposals for this out there, with age minimums as low as 55, but Biden hadn't supported them until now. He's linked his change in position to the coronavirus crisis, because even when life returns to some semblance of normality, Biden concedes that "older Americans are likely to find it harder to secure jobs." Fast fact, as Beakman would say: Workers over the age of 55 made up 49 percent of all new jobs in 2018. They were also a sizable percentage of employees in the temporarily (we hope) devastated restaurant industry.

Sanders and Biden tussled over Biden's record on Social Security. We won't get into that here, but it's definitely important that the Democratic nominee lead with a senior-friendly economic plan, especially post-coronavirus.

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