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You Wanna Watch Obama Read Trump For Filth? Sure You Do.

The last American president is so very good at this.

Barack Obama, at a campaign rally in Miami, Florida, Saturday, carved up Donald Trump like a Halloween pumpkin. The former president has held back from directly confronting the COVID-spreader-in-chief, but the gloves have been off since his Democratic National Convention speech, which reduced Trump to live-tweeting in an oh-so-stable-genius ALL-CAPS: “HE SPIED ON MY CAMPAIGN, AND GOT CAUGHT!" (Obama did no such thing).

Obama has far more chill than Trump, which should surprise no one. Trump bullies and insults while Obama is a master of deadpan.

OBAMA: Now, I've sat in the Oval Office with both of the men who are running for president. They're very different people.

This is already shaping up like a John Mulaney routine. Obama reprises a theme from his DNC speech: He never expected Trump to share his vision or continue his policies, but he hoped Trump would at least take the job seriously. Trump never did, because while he's a serious threat, he's not a serious person.

OBAMA: He hasn't shown any interest in doing the work or helping anybody except himself and his friends or treating the presidency like a reality show to give himself more attention. And as we noted the other day, his TV ratings are down.

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2020 presidential election

Javanka To Sue Over Accurate Billboards Suggesting They DGAF About People Dying

Which, you know, they don't.

Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump are suing The Lincoln Project, a group of anti-Trump conservatives who will turn on us as soon as Trump is out of office, for putting up two billboards in New York City — a city in a state that Trump has absolutely no chance of winning anyway — about how they are both very "I Really Don't Care Do U?" about New Yorkers and Americans in general dying of COVID-19.

One one billboard, Ivanka smiles while presenting, Vanna White style, COVID-19 death tallies from both New York and the country at large. Another features a smiling picture of Jared saying "[New Yorkers ] are going to suffer and that's their problem" above a pile of body bags.

Lawyers for the couple sent out a letter saying that the billboards misrepresented them and that they were suing them for libel or whatever.

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2020 presidential election

Snappy Debate Reactions To Stupid Debate

Or stupid debate reactions to stupid debate. Yeah, mostly that.

The results are in, and based on my scientific knowledge of reading Twitter, Americans are mostly just fucking relieved that we may have seen the last Donald Trump appearance in a nationally televised debate. That sounds right to me, so I'm going to mark that one down as factual and confirmed.

"Sounds right to me" was also the judgment of the Commander in Chief, who comforted himself by retweeting Twitter surveys by people and outlets who love Trump, which mean nothing whatsoever because they're answered by followers who already love Trump. (And yes, astute readers, that "who won" is in bold means he was searching for the phrase "who won" and then retweeting the ones he liked.)


We suppose we should thank Trump for providing a preview of how actual election results may look if he's ever in a position to run for a third term.

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2020 presidential election

Supreme Court Rules Pennsylvania Can Vote ... And Here's Why That's Bad, Actually

No, this isn't a Slate Pitch. It's just true. But yay for Pennsylvania!

The Roberts Court loves infringing upon people's voting rights. If this Court has one fully coherent doctrine, it's that voting rights are bad. It's pretty much the one area where the Court has been pretty much entirely consistent.

Until now.

This week, the Supreme Court voted 4-4 on whether to review a case that gave Pennsylvania election officials a couple of days after the election to receive absentee ballots. A tie has the result of letting the lower court's decision stand, so the tie was a victory for voting rights for Pennsylvanians.

This might be the first time the Roberts Court has ever ruled in favor of voting rights — but actually, it spells BAD things for the future of voting rights and the upcoming election. Really? Dammit. Yes.

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