Legal

My Pillow Guy Dropped By Kohls, Picked Up By Dominion Voting's Lawyers

Cray. Zee.

Mike Lindell didn't get where he is in this life by being shy. The former addict turned pillow pumper built a successful company by just going for it, and he's not about to stop now. The problem with just saying whatever's on your mind, though, is that sometimes it gets you in trouble — particularly when your mind is filled with syphilitic ferrets shouting COUP! COUP! COUP!

And so it is that Lindell finds his company dropped by multiple major national retailers just as he receives a preservation letter from the company he's been shit talking for months. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

For reasons not entirely clear, the White House has consulted Lindell on everything from coronavirus treatments to election security. Lindell, who failed to graduate from the University of Minnesota, has expertise in neither area. But he's been an ardent supporter of the president, and in the Trump administration, that's good enough.

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Trump

The Inside Story Of Trump's Delusional Three-Month Slide Into Outright Fascism And Eternal Loserdom!

This outstanding reporting comes from Axios, yes we said Axios.

Twenty twenty twenty four hours to goooo, Trump might need to be sedated ... nothing to do, nowhere to goooo-oh ...

Oh hello! We're almost to the 24-hour countdown, where you start seeing footage of the ball drop in Australia and all the people cheering because at least where they live, Donald Trump is no longer president of the United States. Or at least they should do it that way.

While we're waiting, Axios, yes Axios, has been publishing an outstanding ongoing series with original reporting on Trump's unraveling, his utter collapse, and his descent into utter loser and victimhood, from his historic loss on election night to his present status as a twice-impeached loser whose legacy will be the terrorist attack he incited on the US Capitol on January 6.

Apparently it goes with a podcast, so that's exciting if you're into that sort of thing. Being Axios, though, each dispatch is little and bite-sized, just the 100-calorie snack pack of news you need to get through your day with the appropriate level of Trump schadenfreude.

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Right Wing Extremism

FBI Investigating 'Empathetic And Loving' Woman For Rioting, Stealing Nancy Pelosi's Laptop

Riley June Williams sounds like an absolute darling.

The FBI is currently on the lookout for 22-year-old Riley June Williams of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, who allegedly stole Nancy Pelosi's laptop or hard drive while storming the Capitol on January 6, supposedly for the purpose of selling it to Russian intelligence.

Williams came to the attention of law enforcement after a former romantic partner saw her in an ITV documentary about the storming of the Capitol. The ex, referred to in the complaint affidavit as WI, had also seen videos from other people who knew Williams, in which she was seen stealing Pelosi's "laptop computer or hard drive" (that's how the complaint reads) from Pelosi's office. Law enforcement sent officers to Williams's mother's house, where her mother told them her daughter had packed a bag and fled.

Since then, Williams has deleted social media accounts from "Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, Telegram, and Parler" and changed her phone number.

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Impeachment

Giuliani Thinks Trump Should Just Tell The Senate Why He Ordered The Code Red

It's like he wants Trump convicted.

Donald Trump was impeached last week for inciting an insurrection against the United States government. That's more serious than a parking ticket, so Trump should consider competent legal representation at his second annual Senate trial. However, Rudy Giuliani, one of the lead Kraken wranglers in Trump's “elite strike force" of COVID-19 superspreaders, was at the White House Saturday. The MyPillow Guy could probably provide better legal counsel than Giuliani.

Giuliani confirmed with ABC News Chief White House Correspondent Jonathan Karl that he was working on Trump's defense, and it's a doozy. He's prepared to argue that Trump's pre-siege speech didn't constitute incitement to violence, because Trump's fascist Big Lie about winning an election he lost is true!

"They basically claimed that anytime [Trump] says voter fraud, voter fraud -- or I do, or anybody else -- we're inciting to violence; that those words are fighting words because it's totally untrue," [Giuliani] said. "Well, if you can prove that it's true, or at least true enough so it's a legitimate viewpoint, then they are no longer fighting words."

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