Ronna Romney McDaniel Tweeting Coronavirus Updates From Parallel Earth Where Trump Isn’t Dumbf*ck
We’re sure it’s nice over there.
We normally don't like to make big, bold declarations at Wonkette, because they can prove embarrassing later like almost any Chuck Todd take. However, it seems inconceivable right now that Donald Trump will win re-election in November. Whatever chance there was that an Electoral College-empowered minority of voters would be just that stupid again went up in smoke with the coronavirus outbreak. This disaster is affecting everyone -- even red states like Texas where “real" Americans live and if they survive will later vote.
Longtime Republican Peter Wehner at The Atlantic officially shut down the Trump presidency like it's a public school.
It has taken a good deal longer than it should have, but Americans have now seen the con man behind the curtain. The president, enraged for having been unmasked, will become more desperate, more embittered, more unhinged. He knows nothing will be the same. His administration may stagger on, but it will be only a hollow shell. The Trump presidency is over.
But if you check RNC chair Ronna ROMNEY McDaniel's Twitter feed, you'll find yourself in an alternate reality where everything is swell and it's Trump's stellar stewardship of this crisis that's responsible.
Want More Coronavirus Tests? Trump Gonna Need You To Do Us A Favor, Though ...
If you TEST PEOPLE, the coronavirus numbers might go UP and his re-election prospects might go DOWN. It is a conundrum!
It's no secret that Donald Trump's thoughts on the coronavirus outbreak in the US are largely centered around the November presidential election. At rallies, he's insisted that criticism of how he's handled the outbreak is a "hoax" spread by Democrats and the media to hurt him (but don't you dare suggest he said the pandemic itself is a hoax, OK?), that the stock market's reaction to the outbreak is based on unfair propaganda meant to hurt him, and of course there's that time he said quite openly -- at the friggin' Centers for Disease Control! -- that if he had his druthers, a cruise ship would never dock in the US because bad numbers.
I'd rather have the people stay [...] I would rather — because I like the numbers being where they are. I don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault.
Trump ultimately left the decision to Mike Pence's coronavirus task force, but his own preference was pretty clear, and it was about how he'd be perceived, not people's health.
Politico reporter Dan Diamond wrote a terrifying article last week about how the crisis has been made worse by the chaos in the White House and Trump's insistence on rosy scenarios. He was interviewed yesterday on NPR's "Fresh Air," and offered a wide-ranging critique of the administration's response to the outbreak -- and even noted some things that went wrong that were beyond Trump's control, like the faulty test kits the CDC initially put out. Can't blame a man who doesn't read for fucked-up chemistry! But even there, the worst parts of what's laughingly called Trump's "management style" led to such failures not getting resolved quickly.
Have a listen, if you have 45 minutes. You may wish to keep a comfort animal near.
Bernie Sanders: If Tulsi Gabbard Doesn't Have To Quit, I Don't Either
Bernie will live on to debate Uncle Joe in Arizona.
After Tuesday's electoral bloodletting, the question became less if Bernie Sanders would leave the race but when. The Vermont senator addressed the press Wednesday and declared he wasn't going anywhere:
SANDERS: Last night obviously was not a good night for our campaign from a delegate point of view ... We lost in ... Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, and Idaho. On the other hand, we won North Dakota and we lead the vote count in the state of Washington.
And on yet another hand, it looks like Sanders is also going to lose Washington. Biden pulled ahead as more votes were counted, and at least one respected pollster called the state for him Wednesday. Biden was even ahead in King County, which is where Seattle is. This is not a big shock because Hillary Clinton won the Washington primary in 2016, but Washington also had a caucus, which is what actually counted for delegates. There are fewer caucuses during this primary election and that has obviously hurt Sanders.
Sanders said it was critical that Democrats defeat Donald Trump, whom he called the most “dangerous president in the modern history of our country." He described Trump as a “a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, a xenophobe and a religious bigot" and vowed to do everything in his power to help remove him from office. A growing number of people believe the best thing Sanders could do is drop out of the race. There is a chess move called “resignation," where you recognize that your position is lost and you quit out of respect to your opponent's superior skills. It's also embarrassing to just sit there and wait for them to checkmate you. The delegate math and remaining primary contests are clear: Joe Biden is the inevitable winner. Checkmate.
Is Trump Regime LYING TO CONGRESS About 2020 Russian Election Attacks? Kinda Maybe!
You know, allegedly.
We have a quick update on a story we told you yesterday, about how (acting) Director of National Intelligence Ric Grenell totally wanted to go to Congress and brief them on Russia's ongoing attacks on America's 2020 election, which are being done in service of re-electing Donald Trump. He wouldn't have missed it for the world! Except for he couldn't because he was a-skeered. Democrats were going to ask him questions like "What are you doing to stop Russia from attacking America (again) to help Donald Trump steal the election (again)?"
The New York Times dug deeper, and what it found was even more fucking disturbing and terrible and awful. The Trump administration seems to be actively telling its intel officials what they are and are not allowed to say to Congress, about Russia's reacharounds for Trump in the 2020 election.
We start with the briefing that did happen yesterday, which did not include Grenell, and did not include Shelby Pierson, the intel official who gave the briefing last month that included the obvious truth that Russia is trying to help Trump in the 2020 election, the one what made Trump so mad.
Nice Time: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Lifts Up Young Voters Feeling Bummed About Bernie
AOC's video is well-worth watching, regardless of your primary candidate.
Joe Biden continued his march toward the Democratic nomination Tuesday, which is great news for John McCain Biden but less exciting news for Bernie Sanders. I can appreciate the urge to rejoice when a candidate you don't like crashes and burns, but we shouldn't forget that every Democratic primary candidate, except for Tulsi Gabbard, had supporters who were passionate about their campaign and were devastated to see it end. Hell, even Gabbard inspired folks to donate hard-earned rubles to her ingrown toenail campaign, and they're likely drowning their tears in Stolichnaya right now.
Tuesday night, on her Instagram live chat, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez shared some nice words of comfort for Sanders supporters, many of whom are young and perhaps first-time voters. Ocasio-Cortez wanted to lift their spirits and keep their eyes on the larger prize of removing Donald Trump from office. She took the time to do this while some people on Twitter were "joking" about conducting a "wellness check" on her, Rashia Tlaib, Ilhan Omar, and other prominent Sanders supporters. Look, I get that a lot of "Bernie Bros" showed their asses online and in public, but to borrow from Nietzsche, if you gaze too long into the Twitter abyss, the abyss gazes back into you with suicide "humor."
Some Might Call It A WHOMPIN'!
All your updates from Tuesday's primaries.
By all measures, last night was a whompin'.
After polls closed in Missouri and Mississippi, networks were able to almost immediately declare Joe Biden the winner of those primaries, so thorough was the whompin'. Late last night, as Mississippi came close to 100 percent reporting, Sanders fell below the 15 percent threshold to even receive delegates in the race. Meanwhile, Biden is currently carrying 81 percent of that state.
What was surprising for many was how quickly after that they were also able to call Michigan for Biden, a state Bernie Sanders shocked everyone by winning in the 2016 primary. it wasn't close — 52.9 percent to 36.4 percent.
Biden also won the Idaho primary, while Sanders took the North Dakota caucus, which was sort of a hybrid caucus-primary this year. (Idaho used to be a caucus too.)
And in Washington state, where much of the same-day mail-in ballot remains uncounted, it's a dead heat, but that's likely to break more strongly for Biden as those same-day votes are counted, as the early vote, much of it, reflects the race as it was a week or two ago. For instance, at this point, Elizabeth Warren is still receiving around 12 percent of the vote.
Like we said, a whompin'.
If math said the window for Sanders was rapidly closing after Super Tuesday, it's almost slammed shut after Not-That-Super-Tuesday. But sure, you never know how it's going to ultimately shake out, as weirder things have happened in primaries.
Donald Trump Endorses Jeff Sessions For Loser Of Alabama Senate Primary Runoff
Somewhere, Coretta Scott King is pointing and laughing.
The moment Jeff Sessions shamelessly debased himself to avoid finally came. Tuesday, Donald Trump officially endorsed Tommy Tuberville in the runoff election on March 31. Tuberville has greatly impressed Trump with his bold platform of not being Jeff Sessions.
Trump reminded voters that Tuberville was once a "terrific" head football coach at Auburn University, and although this makes Tuberville more qualified for political office than Trump himself, that's a very low bar. Every line of Trump's endorsement is a not-so-subtle dig at Sessions: Tuberville is "a REAL LEADER who will never let MAGA/KAG, or our Country down," unlike Sessions who betrayed Trump when he remained loyal to his oath of office.
Joe Biden Will Never Be NRA President
Tells gunhumper dude, 'You're full of shit.'
Joe Biden got into a fine angry verbal foofaraw with a gunhumper at a campaign stop in Michigan today, telling the construction worker who accused him of wanting to "end" the holy Second Amendment "You're full of shit" and adding that his sons hunt, but that doesn't mean everyone has a right to any damn deadly weapon they want.
It was a classic Joe Biden grr-mad. Let's watch!
Some people have objected to Biden's getting angry and pointing his finger in the guy's face, but we should emphasize that Joe Biden washes his pointing finger before every campaign appearance, for safety.
Acting DNI Idiot Ric Grenell Scared Of Congress, Not Gonna Go There, NUH UH!
Poor thing hasn't figured out how to talk to Congress without making Daddy mad. :(
Ric Grenell, who broke a glass ceiling when Donald Trump made him the first gay European-Nazi-adjacent dumbfuck with zero national security or intelligence experience ever to hold the title of (acting) Director of National Intelligence — TRAILBLAZER! PUT IT ON A BUSINESS CARD! — has a problem.
It's not that he doesn't want to talk to Congress today about foreign threats to our elections, of which there are many. (You know, like the Russians, who are helping Trump steal 2020 right now as we type this.) He's just not ready. He's only been on the job for a couple weeks, and he hasn't worked out how to say things to Congress about subjects that are known to hurt Trump's feelings. (You know, like about Russia helping Trump steal 2020 right now as we type this.)
No no no no no, we are not kidding at you like a common Wonkette, we read it in the newspaper:
Helpful Trump Campaign Manager Brad Parscale Separating Fools From Their Money
Ratfucking pays, y'all.
This is a story about how the GOP built a digital machine to bombard their low-information flock with constant reminders to BE AFRAID and HATE YOUR NEIGHBORS and SEND MONEY. This is a story about how Trump's campaign manager, Brad "Neck Pubes" Parscale, converted that machine into an ATM for all his cronies in Trumpland. This is a complicated story with a lot of moving parts, which is NO FUN and also QUITCHER BITCHIN' AND LEARN A THING!
As the New York Times reports, before the entire Republican Party was subsumed into the orange Trump blob, different organs of the GOP used different data platforms to identify and corral their voters. The RNC favored DataTrust, while Republican senators preferred a Koch Brothers-backed entity called i360. Back in 2016, when no one thought Donald Trump was actually going to get elected (how young we were!), the Republican senators still had enough clout to stick with their own platform, instead of jumping to DataTrust, which they suspected of entering into hinky deals for the enrichment of Parscale and his pals. ALLEGEDLY.
Biden Tells Trump How To Handle Coronavirus Better: How About SHUT THE F*CK UP?
Also Trump is very scared the Fake News is going to cough coronaviruses onto him and make him sick.
Donald Trump is just doing so awesome at handling this whole coronavirus thing, saying he's got a "natural ability" for knowing #VirusStuff and shaking hands with supporters even though everybody is like "No, Mr. President, that's the one thing we told you not to do!" Oh, and he's tweeting a lot.
Anyway, this is one of those situations where, on a grand scale, if Trump opens his mouth or takes any action at all, everybody becomes just a little more likely to get sick and die. In other words, it's like the rest of his presidency, just more yooger.
Joe Biden, who at this point is Trump's probable November opponent, has an idea for Trump, to maybe help his administration handle this better, and it is WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?
Biden explained the scientific rationale behind this advice to MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell:
NRCC's 'Socialism Madness' Ad Will Scare Stupid People S**less
Democrats elected women of color! Plus, dogs and cats are living together! It's mass hysteria!
There's an invisible plague spreading across the nation, and our leaders seem defenseless to stop it. No, we're not talking about the coronavirus. We mean socialism — big bad, scary socialism. Fortunately for all Americans who don't enjoy bread lines, the Republican Party is here to save us from an overhyped, toothless enemy.
The National Republican Congressional Committee just released a video titled "We Never Back Down from a Fight." It confronts the scourge of socialism with the sobriety of your classic anti-marijuana and anti-robot sex propaganda films. Like all horror movies, it begins with four women of color who were elected to Congress in 2018: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib. The narrator, who you can almost hear pissing his pants as he speaks, declares that this "wasn't what America voted for" — although, that is exactly what some Americans voted for and the Squad can prove it. Women of color can't just show up at the Capitol without a long-form copy of their election results.
Kindly Florida Woman Changes Voters' Registration To Republican, Sparing Them Eternal Damnation In Socialist Hell
She'll likely do less time than the black woman who voted by accident.
Cheryl A. Hall of Florida (of course) was charged Thursday with the crime of conjuring up Republican voters from thin air. This magic trick involved filling out voter registration forms with false information and enrolling at least six Democratic and independent voters in the Republican Party without their consent.
Hall worked for the voter registration group Florida First, which received much of its funding from America First Policies. The solipsistic name should clue you in that the organization supports Donald Trump. Last year, America First Policies declared its plans to invest $20 million on voter registration.
"There are millions of patriotic Americans who believe in the America First movement, but aren't registered to vote," said America First Policies President Brian O. Walsh. "Returning power to the people requires an active, engaged citizenry. Let your voice be heard. Join the movement. Register today."
This was a stark change from the normal Republican tactics of actively preventing people from voting. Hall believed in America First's mission so fully she didn't just register new voters, she made them Republicans at the same time! No fuss, no muss! It's unclear if she also subscribed them to So You No Longer Care About Your Fellow Humans magazine.
Kamala Harris Adds Some #KHIVE To The #Joementum
California senator endorses Joe Biden on anniversary of Bloody Sunday.
Sunday morning, Kamala Harris joined the stampede of Democrats hopping on the Joe Biden express train back to Washington, DC. There was some speculation that Harris might endorse Biden earlier, prior to the Super Tuesday California primary, which was one of the few Bernie Sanders won. I personally think it was wise to wait because Sanders had a significant lead in the early vote, and a last-minute endorsement likely wouldn't have significantly narrowed the gap. More importantly, I think Harris, like Warren, has the right to endorse on her own damn timetable.
Harris was in Selma, Alabama, this weekend for the 55th anniversary of Bloody Sunday. The California senator movingly linked her endorsement with this pivotal moment in the Civil Rights Movement.
Scumbag President Thinks Liz Warren 'Too Mean' For Office He Soils
Trump's not fit to lick Warren's comfortable sneaker.
Elizabeth Warren dropped out of the presidential race Thursday, and Donald Trump has some notes on her campaign. Someone asked Trump about Warren's exit during his lie-athon press conference Friday about the coronavirus. It's impossible to imagine a scenario where Warren is interested in Trump's opinions, but he shared them anyway. He doesn't want credit. He just wants to help. That's the kind of guy he is.
Mitt Romney Coward Again
Maybe we should investigate the Bidens in Ukraine after all, says Romney!
Oh, we were so nice to Mitt Romney for a minute there, when he decided to be the only Senate Republican with half a brain and a quarter of a conscience, and voted to convict Donald Trump on the abuse of power article of impeachment. Romney recognized that the House managers had proven their case up one side and down the other, that Trump had extorted a foreign country to announce fake investigations into the Bidens in order to help him steal the 2020 election, and that Trump had gone so far as to withhold aid from that country until he got that announcement.
He appeared to understand that all the shit about "Biden" and "Burisma" coming out of corrupt motherfuckers in Ukraine was false, and also Russian propaganda. Good job, Mittens! Strap the dog to the roof and take a road trip, YOU'VE EARNED IT!
This week, Mittens reacted to World's Stupidest Senate Republican Ron Johnson wanting to send stupid Russian propaganda-infused subpoenas in his Homeland Security Committee investigation into fake Biden Ukraine scandals, by saying that yes, it does seem that something like that might be viewed as li'l bit nakedly political and problematic, considering what Trump just did. He even said, "There's no question that the appearance of looking into Burisima and Hunter Biden appears political. I think people are tired of these kind of political investigations."
Correct as usual sometimes, Mitt Romney!
Anyway he's going to vote in favor of the subpoenas Ron Johnson wants, because coward.
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