DNC's Perez Very Proud Of All His Diverse White Folks
The remaining white people are all very nice, certainly better than Trump.
Sorry, but Tom Perez just doesn't get it. Look, I don't blame the guy for the all-white Democratic debate last night. I certainly don't blame him for minority candidates like Kamala Harris and Cory Booker not making it to the first primary. He's only the Democratic National Committee chairman. He can't rig primaries. (Seriously, the DNC chair cannot do this.) What bothers me is that Perez claimed Tuesday that he's "proud" of the Democratic primary race's "diversity and inclusion." I'm equally as proud of my washboard abs.
Perez is correct that last night's Democratic debate wasn't just an attack of white clones. There was a variety of white people present: Two women -- one moderate and sensible, the other fun and liberal; a gay Michael J. Fox circa Spin City; a Jewish socialist; another shouty old man, and some random billionaire who bought his own golden ticket. Yes, that's undeniably diverse. It's just not diverse in a way that reflects the Democratic electorate. The eventual nominee will be lucky to carry 40 percent of white voters, but Joe Biden -- it's gonna be Joe Biden -- will need to dominate at Barack Obama levels the black and Hispanic vote in order to deny Trump a second term.
Holding up the rainbow coalition of white people as an example of Democratic "diversity" only reinforces that white candidates have the luxury of difference. No race is identical. We are multitudes. There are minorities of all genders who are dull, who have big plans, who are gay, and who are even Jewish, Muslim, or some other non-Christian religion. One candidate from a specific minority group can't represent them all. Kamala Harris and Cory Booker could at least split the work. Poor Julian Castro and Andrew Yang probably pulled a muscle playing all those parts. This is why racists call Booker "lazy."
Donald Trump Showers Us With Deranged Nonsense At Milwaukee Rally
Yep, he's still somehow president.
Donald Trump held a rally in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Tuesday night. It's one of the "battleground states" the president needs to hold if he wants to keep torturing us for another four years. NPR claimed Trump's speech "ranged widely," and it truly was a variety pack of crazy. He talked about dishwashers -- dishwashers, y'all -- like your angry grandfather who is both senile and a racist.
TRUMP: I'm also approving new dishwashers that give you more water so you can actually wash and rinse your dishes without having to do it 10 times -- five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
I can believe that if Trump ever actually came face-to-face with a dishwasher in his ridiculous, pampered life, he probably lost the encounter. This might explain his vendetta. The Department of Energy does regulate how much water dishwashers can use, and Trump hates regulations because he's a Republican and an old man, which is functionally the same thing.
Democratic Debaters ... GO! An Elegant Wonkette Liveblog
Are we drinking? We're not not drinking!
Oh nothing, just making a mango roast chicken and waiting for Liz to write her emergency post on OH JUST MAYBE THEY WERE GOING TO DO A HIT ON MARIE YOVANOVITCH, NO BIG DEAL.
Or maybe she has already finished that and we have posted it! I don't know, it is hard to concentrate!
Oh ... Democratic ... debate?
https://wonkettebazaar.com/products/wonkette-shot-glass-set
First question for our distinguished panel of Joe and Pete and Liz and Bernie and Amy and Tom: IS THERE ANYTHING MORE ON THE YOVANOVITCH YET?
Bernie Said Joe Told Amy That Pete And Liz Are Faking Being Gay Ladies. Your Democratic Debate Preview!
Sorry, Tom Steyer, you don't fit in this headline.
GROAN, so have you been on the internet lately, GROAN?
If you have, GROAN, you may have noticed that the Democratic primary is behaving like an obnoxious two-year-old at the moment, and that is fine, all primary campaigns go through the Terrible Twos, which makes sense right now, since we have officially started the second year of this never-ending primary. What are they fighting about? The things. Who's right? Oh, just everyone, and also no one.
(GROAN.)
Meanwhile House GOP leader Kevin McCarthy is out there doing conspiracy theories about the Democratics rigging the primary against Liz and Bernie and for Joe by doing the impeachment trial right here before Iowa, as if airplanes do not exist, and ignoring the whole fact that if the Democratics are really doing that, then by definition they are also rigging it against Amy and for Pete. He says Joe should suspend his campaign during the impeachment trial, for #fairness.
Eat shit, dork.
Also meanwhile, there was a guest host on the Rush Limbaugh radio waves program, and it was Fox News idiot Mark Steyn, and he said there is a new #scandal brewing after Cory Booker's exit from the race race, as all the major players in tonight's debate (yes there is a debate, that is the point of this post) are white people, except HAW HAW, said Mark Steyn, followed by a "Pocahontas" joke about Elizabeth Warren, and also HAW HAW, said Mark Steyn, is Elizabeth Warren faking being a lady too? Is Pete Buttigieg faking being Teh Gay?
WELL ARE THEY?
STEYN: I mean, he looks like some guy from the accountancy department. He doesn't — that's a very non-gay look.
OK. Sounds like a real well-rounded guy there, who knows what Teh Gay looks like! Also, "accountancy department."
So anyway, about that debate. Why why why why why why why? Do we have to?
Oh yes, we have to, because "democracy."
Here are your questions about tonight's debate (in bold) and Wonkette's answers (in not bold):
Oh Yeah Sh*t's Getting Real
Looks like it's time for The Talk again!
I keep thinking about dominance, and not in the sex way :(
I keep thinking about it as it pertains to white men, identity politics, the Left, the primary. Some Bernie people did not cover themselves in glory when they demanded conservatives, centrists, squishy liberals, and real liberals "bend the knee" to them. Sure, it's a quote from a popular television program. But people do not like being dominated. (It was also the most boring part of that popular television program. The hot queen is fighting on three fronts, including zombies, but she's going to take time every episode to demand someone "bend the knee"? Get your priorities in order, hot queen!) Insisting on "my way ... OR DRAGONS" is not actually awesome.
I am a Warren person, after first being a Kamala person. A plurality of Wonkette writers are Warren people too. One is Maybe Bernie. A couple are Affirmatively Undecided until it's time to vote but possibly leaning toward a more centrist candidate. Nobody is a Bidener, that I know of -- late-breaking news, we do have a Bidener! -- unless and until he wins the nom, at which point we will jump on that bandwagon so hard we break our ankles. There are people on staff (me!) who would vote Bernie before Biden, and people who would not do that. Maybe you're harder Left than we are, or less. Maybe you're more hawkish, or less. There's an entire spectrum, just among the staff. We argue quite a bit in the chatcave! There's a far larger spectrum outside it.
Let's Play 'Russia If You're Listening' Mad Libs! Come On, It'll Be Fun!
Everything is 2016 again.
Just yesterday, we brought you the story of how, in a shocker for the generations, US officials are leaking to Bloomberg that they're investigating whether Russia is already attacking the 2020 election to hurt possible nominee Joe Biden and help Donald Trump. We remarked, with wonder in our eyes, how great it is that Trump and the country he feels the most allegiance to/that owns him ("allegedly") can work so very independently of each other (NO COLLUSION!) for the exact same goals.
We didn't know at the time just how aligned they currently are, but the New York Times filled in some blanks mere hours later. Turns out Russia has already successfully hacked Burisma, the Ukrainian gas company Hunter Biden served on the board of, in order to find whatever dirt they can manufacture/selectively release during the 2020 election season. If this is giving you deja vu all over again about the 2016 election, it's because it's the same damn play as last time. (The Times quotes an expert who notes that Russian intelligence, while smart, is also kind of lazy. And hell, it worked last time, so!)
Tom Steyer Thinks Voters Love Him For Who He Is Not For All His Money
We need to get money out of politics, for real.
Tuesday's Democratic debate in Iowa will be as white as, well, Iowa. Cory Booker dropped out of the race today because he didn't make the cut. Neither did Andrew Yang or even wannabe Obama Deval Patrick. As a presidential candidate, Patrick is like the alien race on Doctor Who that you only remember exists when you're looking right at them. Hey, no one ever said politics was easy ... or diverse. The candidates who didn't make it this far just didn't have a message that connected with voters. That's Tom Steyer's story, and he'll pay you good money to believe it.
Steyer has spent $116 million in television advertising. This marketing budget normally reserved for Star Wars movies was focused on Nevada and South Carolina. Steyer has started to see a return on his investment. Recent polls have him at third place in Nevada with 12 percent support and second place in South Carolina with 15 percent. Yes, you read that correctly. Steyer is second -- the one after first -- in South Carolina. That's also the state where his campaign "borrowed" voter data from Kamala Harris, so I don't know why he's still allowed to compete at all. It's insulting.
What's even more insulting is that Steyer won't cop to trying to buy the primary. No, he just has a great message that the poor bastards in Nevada and South Carolina can't escape.
Cory Booker Peaces Out
The peace and unity candidate in a torches and pitchforks year.
US Sen. Cory Booker announced today that he's ending his campaign for president after disappointing fundraising and not getting strong enough poll numbers for the next Democratic primary debate. Now he'll just have to settle for being the sexiest man in the Senate, although it's entirely possible that, at 50, the New Jersey whippersnapper just might still have a long political career ahead of him.
Booker announced his decision in an email to supporters with a video that highlighted some of his major campaign talking points about looking at the things that bring Democrats together, not the petty squabbles over little things that drive us apart.
Thank You youtu.be
With Booker's departure, the 2020 Democratic field now has only a single African-American candidate, former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick, who's still out there competing with Michael Bennet and John Delany for the "Oh, they're still running?" prize. (Like, did you notice Joe Sestak and that other guy are already out? Neither did we!)
Dunno How To Say This, But Russia Might Be Attacking 2020 Election To Hurt Biden And Help Trump
The. Fuck. You. Say.
US officials have announced a surprise development, or at least they are leaking a surprise development to the news reporters, and it is that Russia may be meddling in the 2020 election to hurt Joe Biden and help Donald Trump. Whoa if true! It is like Russia is on the same page with Donald Trump, who was impeached for bribing Ukraine -- the country Russia invaded in 2014 and wants to be part of Russia again, and so does Trump -- to meddle in the 2020 election, to hurt Joe Biden and help Donald Trump!
It's good when Donald Trump and the country where his true allegiance lies ("allegedly") can work so very independently of each other (NO COLLUSION!) for the exact same goals.
Trump Gets Religion! (It Is Evidence-Free Belief In 'Imminent Attacks')
Defense Sec Mark Esper, welcome to the Sunday Show rundown!
A lot has happened since last week! After the
assassination targeted killing of Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani, the Trump administration has been working real hard to justify having done so without consulting Congress. So much so we've had to recap it every few days to ensure everyone keeps up with the new lies.
Last week it was Secretary of State and least popular Pompeo, Mike, lying his ass off on the Sunday shows. This week it's Defense Secretary Mark Esper's turn. Esper began by trying to push the talking points at the top of his dual appearances on CNN's "State Of The Union" and CBS's "Face The Nation." It did not go well!
Bret Stephens Jumps On Horseback, Warns Villagers That The Socialists Are Coming
Is there anything more satisfying than a good Bret Stephens freakout?
Yesterday, a new Des Moines Register/CNN/Mediacom poll showed Bernie Sanders in the lead for the first time in Iowa, just a few weeks before the election.
Today, New York Times columnist Bret Stephens came out with a brand new op-ed titled Of Course Bernie Can Win. What? Was Stephens so shook by the criticism of his embrace of scientific racism that he's suddenly decided everything he believes is wrong and decided to embrace socialism? Of course not. It is not an essay in favor of Sanders, but a dire warning for all to heed.
I write all this as someone who thinks a Sanders presidency would be ruinous on many levels: by turning the Democratic Party into a socialist one; by turning the American economy into a statist one; and by turning America's position in the world into a feeble one. I'd hate to see him win the nomination, just as I hated seeing Trump win it in 2016. But wishes aren't facts. To say Sanders is unelectable is indefensible.
Oh no! And things have been working out so well with capitalism and endless wars! Imagine a world where people don't die because they can't afford insulin or aren't sent off to die for pretty much no reason! That sure would be terrible. Who could respect us then?
Marianne Williamson Levitates Out Of Presidential Race
The campaign that never should've been is now over.
Marianne Williamson's presidential campaign has ended its presence on our physical plane. This is devastating news for supporters of the "Orb Queen," who thought it was a great idea to replace an incompetent, anti-science president with another incompetent, anti-science president ... but with crystals!
Williamson announced last week that she was firing her campaign staff and would rely on unpaid Oompa Loompas to continue her long-shot bid for the White House. But you can't align the nation's chakras with negative cash flow. So, Williamson finally called it quits Friday.
From the Marianne2020 website:
Dear Friend,
I ran for president to help forge another direction for our country. I wanted to discuss things I felt needed to be discussed that otherwise were not. I feel that we have done that.
I stayed in the race to take advantage of every possible effort to share our message. With caucuses and primaries now about to begin, however, we will not be able to garner enough votes in the election to elevate our conversation any more than it is now. The primaries might be tightly contested among the top contenders, and I don't want to get in the way of a progressive candidate winning any of them.
As of today, therefore, I'm suspending my campaign.
Trump Hitler Rally Mostly About Adam Schiff's Nine Inches Or Something, We Dunno
SPOILER: It was the same as all the other Trump Hitler rallies.
Hey, there was a Trump Hitler rally last night, you hear about it? No you didn't, you have a life. OR DO YOU?
Neat, Trump supporters who go to Trump rallies continue to be just the best people. Well done.
Anyway, the rally was the first Trump rally of 2020, and it was in "town" in "heartland" (Toledo). And he played all his greatest (senile dementia authoritarian lie) hits!
Trump Undoing 50-Year-Old Environmental Review Law Because It's Too Old For Him Probably
Buh-bye.
Donald Trump announced yesterday his administration plans to scrap one of the country's most basic environmental laws, making it easier for major infrastructure and energy projects to be built with minimal review of how they'd affect the environment. Through new rules set to be published today, Trump would bypass the 50-year-old National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA), which requires federal agencies to analyze the long-term environmental implications of major construction projects before approving them.
The new rules would allow more projects to avoid review altogether, and would shorten the time allowed for review. Worse, agencies would no longer have to consider environmental effects of a project beyond the immediate scope of its being built, so highways could be built with no thought as to how they'd pollute a neighborhood over time or how increased traffic would contribute to global warming.
The rules are a great big gift to Trump's pals in the real estate and fossil fuel industries, in the name of removing the "burdens" of regulation. If these rules survive court challenges, a pipeline company could decide to drain an actual swamp -- without filing an environmental impact statement.
Tulsi Gabbard Still Fighting 'Warmonger' Hillary Clinton For 2016 Dem Nomination
Tulsi Gabbard continues embarrassing herself and loved ones.
You might've noticed the hashtag #IVotedForHillaryClinton trending on Twitter earlier this week. People wanted to declare that they'd chosen sanity over what actually wound up in the White House. Donald Trump is marching us to a senseless war, as Republicans like to do whenever they're in office. Hillary Clinton tried to warn us. She didn't belabor the point. She often just pointed at Trump during debates and shouted, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Some conservatives are claiming, however, that Clinton's Iran strategy wouldn't have differed much from Trump's. That assumes Trump actually has an Iran strategy and there's no evidence of this. His entire foreign policy is just a game of pin the tail on the dildo.
Elizabeth Warren Will Dance On Your Dumb Face Because She Has A Plan For That
Remember the famous Emma Goldman quote: Stop dancing, you're embarrassing the revolution.
Sorry guys, but Elizabeth Warren is flip-flopping and being inauthentic again. For one thing, we heard Goody Warren has been dancing, the internet told us.
There is even video evidence!
You are free to click around the bad parts of the internet and witness people saying it is disrespectful for Elizabeth Warren to dance while Donald Trump is bombing Iran or that she is being fake or that she is being "cringe," or you can just skip to Cory Booker's response to it, which is *chef's kiss*.
And that is officially all the time we've got for that shit.
In other news, Warren has just released videos and interviews with both Elle AND ALSO Cosmo, a day apart, like OK, PICK ONE MAGAZINE, FLIP-FLOPPER!
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